Reflections on dating a guy with kids

In my first marriage to Hex, I had a stepson.  I met him when he was 5 and I left when he was 10.  There were good days, meh days and horrible days.  One of those horrible days led me to counseling and to a realization that this is *my life* and if I am unhappy, it is *I* that must change it.  Change it I did, as I sought a divorce a year later.  Since that time it has been a roller coaster of emotion about the marriage, my role as a stepmom and how I could have changed things somehow.  No, dear Readers, I don't beat myself up about that, but I've always held that one who doesn't wonder "what if" doesn't wonder much at all.

Since the divorce was final, I dated one guy with a child (D9).  The rest were all kid-free, as I am.  As D9 and I have remained friends (he was quite a bit like the Hex, a good reason why we shouldn't have stayed dating), it isn't as though I was opposed to dating someone with children, it just wasn't something I pursued either.

As I've known Hoosier Guy a long time, I knew he had kiddos -- two boys.  OldestKid is 16, YoungestKid is 11.  The original plan (yes, I know best laid plans and all that) was that I would meet them this summer, as things in the divorce settled down and finalized and as I was relocating to parts as yet unknown.  Basically, the idea was to allow the kids to adjust to their parents divorce and to adjust to their Dad dating someone else. Hoosier Guy had answered questions about me (e.g. he was dating someone). Seems simple, right?

Sure it does.

Add in some cra-cra, and needless to say the kids had seen pictures of me (Facebook stalking is a high art) and heard all about me -- from someone (their mom) who doesn't know me, has never met me and who, prior to all this, couldn't have picked me out of a crowd of two.  Needless to say, the portrayal of me has been less than flattering but meh.  Whatever.

All of this is neither here nor there, as life is sometimes messy and divorce certainly can be.  This weekend, however, I met the boys.

I wasn't planning on meeting them -- I was gung-ho for the initial plan of summertime introductions.  Again with the "add cra-cra," and wa-la, I meet them both.

Some general observations -- both kids are nice, pleasant, mannerly and clearly love their father very much, as he loves them very much.   It is clear that they were shook up by this weekend's events, as they both looked absolutely shell-shocked when I met them. 

On the flip side of that?  I introduced myself to them and they were pleasant and nice.  Even in the face of a very dark hour of their lives, they were pleasant to me. 

As they arrived with very little, it was apparent that socks and underwear were required garments for an overnight stay.  We all got ready to go and I offered to stay home, to allow them "boy time" to talk to their Dad about the day and the events that led up to their arrival at their Dad's home.  Both boys insisted I go with them to Wal-Mart -- as did HG -- but it was their insistence that was most compelling to me.

1. They don't know me.  What they do know about me isn't what I would call flattering.

2. They have just been through an emotional wringer.

3. They remain pleasant and courteous. 

4. It is clear that they love being with their Dad.

5. It is clear they want to know more about me -- and form their own opinions.

We had a nice weekend, it was great to meet them and get to know them a bit.  They are great kids, just as Hoosier Guy had told me.  I don't know a damn thing about teenage boys, but I'm sure gonna learn.

Nice kids?  Almost too much for me to have wished for.  Wow.