6 Word Fridays: Love

This week's word is love -- how lovely, yes?  Thanks Melissa!

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

These past six years, I've often

thought of love.  What it is,

what it could be, what it

should be, what I want it

to be.  Since my divorce I

don't allow fanciful notions of love

not anymore - I want to see

it, feel it, taste it, know!

I've been with Hoosier Guy now

for eight plus months.  Learning, listening,

finding what I was missing before.

Turns out, I didn't know love,

I didn't understand what it means

to GET love as well as

GIVE it. Learning the love languages,

knowing which one appeals to me,

finding out which one he speaks.

My love language -- acts of service,

his love language is physical touch.

I move next week -- to him,

to 'our' space, he's worked hard,

to transform a dusty storage area

into a beautiful home for us.

He is speaking my love language,

and I am ever so thankful.

So, Hoosier Guy, this Friday is

for you -- my love, my darling.

Your acts of service for us

mean more than you can know. 

You've cleaned space, hauled trash out,

stained and sealed paneling, painted trims,

painted a chimeny, painted a bookshelf,

replaced ceiling tiles, hung ceiling fan,

painted walls, sanded floors, sealed floors,

planted flowers, hung lights, placed lights,

and installed welcome mat - for us.

There are other things, 'surprises' you

call them, which I'll see soon.

Acts of service - you love me.

I love you, my Hoosier Guy.

Thank you for making our home.

Night and Day

This ... this THING ... the Hoosier Guy and I have is night and day different than my past life.  Night and Day.  Opposite.  Dark and Light.  Finally -- into the light I venture.

This weekend we went to Key West -- had so much fun, laughing, joking, people watching, enjoying.  It was lovely and peaceful, just what I needed after so much crazy at work and crazy with worry about school.  On Saturday we took a boat trip out to the Dry Tortugas -- the end of the Keys and a national park.  I love national parks, try to visit whenever I can.  The trip was to include snorkeling and exploring Fort Jefferson (the site of the National Park and its environs). 

********************

I last went snorkeling on my honeymoon with the Hex.  We took a boat trip to two separate locations off Maui and saw lots of pretty fish and beautiful reefs.  Then the ride back -- choppy, stormy, windy.  I could see the dock and yet could not imagine it would take us two hours to get there -- that is how horrid it was.  I became seasick.  Barfed repeatedly.  Felt like hell. 

My new husband?  Taking pictures of my misery -- because he thought it was "Funny."

Hindsight?  I should have divorced his ass immediately upon return to Indiana.  We hadn't been married four days at this point. 

Homicide?  My fellow passengers (and the crew) would have considered it justifiable.

One nice crew member I'll never forget.  As I barfed repeatedly and my Hex took pictures, the crew member brought me a drink and whispered to me: "I'm sorry."  So am I, friend, so am I.

************************

I haven't been snorkeling since.  First, I'm not a good swimmer -- not really.  I have never been in the ocean above my waist without a boat being within twenty yards (no kidding).  Second, those horrid memories still make me angry.  Make me want to scream and shout at being wronged. Make me angry with myself for staying as long as I did, with someone who thought it was funny that I was sick on a boat and took pictures of my misery for his delight.  Assclown.

So this trip was a leap of faith for me.  I like the ocean.  I like the pretty fish.  I like seeing the underwater world.  I scheduled this trip for Hoosier Guy and I, hoping that I could share this moment with him, enjoy snorkeling -- or not. 

The boat ride out there was horribly choppy in the middle.  Yes, I barfed.  Repeatedly.  Breakfast?  Returned.  Hoosier Guy?  Steering me to the back of the boat, getting me some water, getting me some ginger ale, getting my stomach right, and steering me away from someone else who was barfing (and who would have barfed on me).  He took care of me -- sweetly, kindly, considerately.  Made sure I was okay, did everything to make sure I was gonna be okay.

Snorkeling?  We snorkeled, hand-in-hand, through the coral reefs surrounding Fort Jefferson.  I was farther than I've ever been (on my own power).  I was scared, but not horribly so, because I had my dear Hoosier Guy at my side, making sure I was okay, enjoying myself and pointing out the fish and the reefs. 

It was his first time snorkeling.  We'll do it again.

********************************
I didn't tell Hoosier Guy about my previous snorkeling experience before we went on the boat.  He knew I'd gone in the past, but didn't know about how it went.  He didn't know how Hex had reacted, he didn't know of my fear of deep water and fear of drowning.

He was who I've come to know and love -- a dear, wonderful man who cares for me and who wants me to be happy. 

I am so lucky to have gotten it right this time.  So thankful. So lucky.

Reflections on dating a guy with kids

In my first marriage to Hex, I had a stepson.  I met him when he was 5 and I left when he was 10.  There were good days, meh days and horrible days.  One of those horrible days led me to counseling and to a realization that this is *my life* and if I am unhappy, it is *I* that must change it.  Change it I did, as I sought a divorce a year later.  Since that time it has been a roller coaster of emotion about the marriage, my role as a stepmom and how I could have changed things somehow.  No, dear Readers, I don't beat myself up about that, but I've always held that one who doesn't wonder "what if" doesn't wonder much at all.

Since the divorce was final, I dated one guy with a child (D9).  The rest were all kid-free, as I am.  As D9 and I have remained friends (he was quite a bit like the Hex, a good reason why we shouldn't have stayed dating), it isn't as though I was opposed to dating someone with children, it just wasn't something I pursued either.

As I've known Hoosier Guy a long time, I knew he had kiddos -- two boys.  OldestKid is 16, YoungestKid is 11.  The original plan (yes, I know best laid plans and all that) was that I would meet them this summer, as things in the divorce settled down and finalized and as I was relocating to parts as yet unknown.  Basically, the idea was to allow the kids to adjust to their parents divorce and to adjust to their Dad dating someone else. Hoosier Guy had answered questions about me (e.g. he was dating someone). Seems simple, right?

Sure it does.

Add in some cra-cra, and needless to say the kids had seen pictures of me (Facebook stalking is a high art) and heard all about me -- from someone (their mom) who doesn't know me, has never met me and who, prior to all this, couldn't have picked me out of a crowd of two.  Needless to say, the portrayal of me has been less than flattering but meh.  Whatever.

All of this is neither here nor there, as life is sometimes messy and divorce certainly can be.  This weekend, however, I met the boys.

I wasn't planning on meeting them -- I was gung-ho for the initial plan of summertime introductions.  Again with the "add cra-cra," and wa-la, I meet them both.

Some general observations -- both kids are nice, pleasant, mannerly and clearly love their father very much, as he loves them very much.   It is clear that they were shook up by this weekend's events, as they both looked absolutely shell-shocked when I met them. 

On the flip side of that?  I introduced myself to them and they were pleasant and nice.  Even in the face of a very dark hour of their lives, they were pleasant to me. 

As they arrived with very little, it was apparent that socks and underwear were required garments for an overnight stay.  We all got ready to go and I offered to stay home, to allow them "boy time" to talk to their Dad about the day and the events that led up to their arrival at their Dad's home.  Both boys insisted I go with them to Wal-Mart -- as did HG -- but it was their insistence that was most compelling to me.

1. They don't know me.  What they do know about me isn't what I would call flattering.

2. They have just been through an emotional wringer.

3. They remain pleasant and courteous. 

4. It is clear that they love being with their Dad.

5. It is clear they want to know more about me -- and form their own opinions.

We had a nice weekend, it was great to meet them and get to know them a bit.  They are great kids, just as Hoosier Guy had told me.  I don't know a damn thing about teenage boys, but I'm sure gonna learn.

Nice kids?  Almost too much for me to have wished for.  Wow.

Weekend Events (cue "Days of Our Lives" theme song, please)

This weekend was supposed to be a normal, average weekend in the life of me.  Typically, Hoosier Guy would have come to Florida this weekend but there was this silly little car race at some little coastal beach town (Daytona) which apparently meant it was $600 to get to Florida from Chicago but only $200 to get to Chicago from Florida.  Yeah, simple economics won out, he paid for the ticket and I flew north.

The weekend plans were simple.  A drive to Wisconsin on Friday afternoon for beer (Spotted Cow!) and brats, then return to Indiana for dinner with friends.  Saturday night was dinner with Mom and Stepdad and Sunday morning was scheduled with brunch invitations to Tippecanoe with his Mom and two cousins.  Return back to Florida on Sunday afternoon and be ready for work on Monday morning.  Pretty laid back, no?

Things were right on schedule through Saturday night about 8:30 p.m. when the proverbial shit hit the fan.  While I really don't feel that it is my place to tell the story, let me say that I was able to meet his kids earlier than expected (we were thinking summer introductions) and police were called on multiple occasions due to his ex's level of cra-cra. 

On the second occasion of police-calling, it was the exchange between HG's ex and HG that shook me to my core.  It's a funny thing, childhood stuff, and sometimes it pops up even when you are fairly sure all of that has been "handled" in the past.  Hearing her yell and scream at HG, with his quiet, pleasant and rational voice responding reminded me of more than a few fights I'd witnessed with my own parents, neigh on 25 years ago.  Later that night, as HG and I lay in bed, I (literally) cried on his shoulder as I told him about how that fight had brought back memories to me.  HG was, as always, kind and loving, ever apologetic that I should have to hear what had happened. 

I could empathize with OldestKid and YoungestKid in ways that were entirely unexpected.  In my situation, my Mom was the rational and sane one, whilst my Dad was irrational, unpleasant and scary.  In theirs -- the reverse is true. 

They are back with their Mom now, as the law on custody must prevail, despite the children's wishes to be with Hoosier Guy.  I pray for their safety, security and sanity while this weekend's mess gets worked out. 

As for me, well, it was a tough weekend.  It sounds awfully self-serving for me to reflect on how this has affected me, but I will say this weekend's events dredged up a minefield of childhood memories that I would have rather stayed buried.  Remembering my own parents' fights and knowing exactly how I behaved with my own sister when it was hitting the fan, it all was right back in my consciousness and present day after events of this weekend.  The one thing that saved me was the fact that Hoosier Guy behaved as my Mom did back then, with pleasant and rational voice and didn't take the bait to escalate the whole mess further from his ex. 

***************
Today's journey back to Florida (my flight was delayed yesterday and I was allowed to change for no fee, so change to today I did) was one of reflection.  It is on this flight I came to a conclusion about Hoosier Guy and I -- it is like we are two ends of a bungee cord.  Always connected, although sometimes stretched tightly, we remain together, tied to one another happily, working best as a team towards the lives and tasks ahead of us. 

Counting my blessings ...

It is the little things, I've always heard said, that matter the most.

Given how Hoosier Guy and I started together, in the middle of his divorce, and given how his ex has used every opportunity to lambaste me to her family, friends and children (and not to mention all of Facebook), I expected that the Hoosier Guy's kiddos might not be so amenable to meeting me. To knowing me. Hell, to knowing I exist, to be honest.

Hoosier Guy picked up his youngest this afternoon from school. Apparently YK (Youngest Kid) asked his dad when I was coming to town next, he wanted to meet me. Then he tells his dad that he wants to talk to me. Hoosier Guy calls me and absolutely floors me with the request that YK wants to speak to me. So we did, and we talked for a few minutes about the fun they'd have together today.

I am speechless. Which is why I'm writing this.

Hoosier Guy has told me all along his kids are awesome, great, friendly, fun and wonderful to be around. Now I'll get to meet them. At their request, no less.

Wow.

Floored.

I think my brain is turning to mush.

This love thing -- wow -- I had forgotten how much my brain would turn into mush.

I think of the Hoosier Guy all the time, wondering what he's doing, if he's having fun, what's the next funny story/comment he'll share. 

My working brain -- mush.  Pure mush. 

I am not complaining.  No.  No Freaking Way. 

I'm Observing.

I observe that the Hoosier Guy keeps my mind active and thinking, even when we are apart, based on the conversations we've had the day, night or week before.  We are constantly talking, constantly communicating in such a way I feel like I know him better now than I would have over six months of casual, once-a-week dating. 

I also observe that I'm happy.

:)

Life as I know it.

Let me digress for a moment to discuss my past.  Not something I often think about, as I consider that 'lessons learned' and try, very hard, to move on to happier, newer things.

I've spent an awful (and I do mean awful) amount of time with guys that were terrible for me in one way, shape or another.  Sometimes I knew it right away (and did the drop-kick out the door) and sometimes it was more insidious -- and I didn't know until later, much later, that they were just Not For Me.

I've also been blessed to date some pretty cool guys who remain my friends today.  D9, Jason -- just to name a few -- have been a mixed bag on the dating front, but as friends -- oh hell yeah, I enjoy them.  D9's son Nicholas is a constant source of amusement for me and I've enjoyed seeing him grow up from just a baby to a walking-talking-constantly moving 4 year old machine. 

All this being said, nothing has quite prepared me for Hoosier Guy.

No pedestal, please -- no, he self-describes as a 'regular guy.'  He's witty, sharp, verbally spars with me, makes me laugh and adores his kids.  I find myself saying 'wow' a lot -- not because I don't have words, but because nothing else seems as apt to describe him.  I called him a unicorn last night -- I've heard his kind exists (and seen it, in friends like Sharkfamily's Jay, Tom, PM, MND and the Angel -- just to name a few), but I've never had one of my own.  Now that is a wow for me.

I don't know what the future will bring, but what I do know is that I want him in mine.  Yesterday, just as I was walking into GWU for my meeting, we were talking.  He said the following: "I don't want you to go to the school that is most convenient [for me], but to the best school.  Good luck today." 

So.  Yeah.  Wow.

Someone that doesn't want to hold me back.
Someone that respects the fact that I have friends of all kinds.
Someone that makes me laugh.
Someone that makes his role as a father a main priority in his life.
Someone that verbally spars with me.
Someone that makes my day when he calls.

Yeah.  I'm blessed.  And you can't wipe this smile off my face with a nuclear blast.

He gets a name.

The Potential Love Interest has been on my radar day and night for weeks -- yes, dear Readers, weeks.  I can't possibly describe it in any other term than: unbelievable.

As all good players in this game I call a blog, he needed a blog name.  Hell, if he was gonna stick around here for more than a few weeks, he ought to get a name -- all the cool kids do.  I asked him if he had any names in mind and he said it would mean more if *I* would pick it.  OH the pressure -- to be creative on a blog name without just popping one off.

I thought of a couple of names which may or may not have worked.  Some were appropos, some were silly, some were just ridiculous.  One, however, made me laugh and is a pun of sorts: Hoosier Guy. 

So, Hoosier Guy, welcome to the bloglist. 

To answer some brief questions from the readership:

1. Yes, he is a Hoosier. 
2. Yes, we have known each other for some time.
3. Yes, he makes me laugh and smile
4. Yes, we've been talking online, offline, phone and text for weeks.
5. Yes, I can't wait to see him again -- and that is soon.