This Glass House Owns A Few Stones

Okay, I love Facebook.  I especially love it when people post pictures from the past.  Old high school photos (oh yeah, there's a few of me out there) are generally a screaming riot.  Early 90s fashion is an oxymoron if there ever was one. 

A friend of mine from HS recently posted some pictures of himself in high school.  There was one in particular that I absolutely howled over.

Stonewashed overalls.  Mock turtleneck.  Porn star 'stache.  Mullet. 

Oh yes, all in the same picture.

I laughed until I cried.  Then I laughed some more. 

No, no, not at his outfit.

I actually went out on a date or two with this guy while he was dressing like this.

God Knows I Don't Want To Think About What I Was Wearing Then.

glass house.

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In a side note, I was laughing so hard my coworkers had to see what I was laughing at.  Quote of the day:

"he's married to a man, right?"

and then I laughed harder.

What is done is done

I took my GREs again today. 

I took them back in March, scored an "okay" score, but wanted better.  So I prepped.  I read.  I did flashcards.  I learned formulas and such that I haven't had use for since tenth grade. 

My score was higher today. 

Not quite where I wanted it to be.  Of course, I'm a total nerd for this stuff -- want as high as possible.  The score, well, it is passable.  Add some good letters of recommendation and I should be in good shape. 

Now I have to focus on my personal essay -- a listing of why and what I want to do with my life. Where I've been, where I want to go, how I'm gonna get there.

Back to the basics, folks, back to the basics.

Of Death ... and Life

This morning I woke up with a start -- I woke up a little after seven, moving over in my sleep to make room for an ambulance.  I was dreaming that I was driving and I could see an ambulance in my rearview mirror -- I woke up as a "scooted over" to allow the ambulance to pass.  It was then I knew that my friend J's mom had passed.

10 weeks ago she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer -- and it is now three weeks before her first granddaughter is due.  Yes, to add misery to her mom's loss, my friend J is 9 months pregnant.

I say prayers for J tonight -- and her family.  May peace be with her mother.

My day started with death.

It ended with life.

I found out tonight that a dear friend and her husband are expecting.  It is early in the pregnancy and I'm not allowed to announce it, but suffice to say I started and ended my day with tears.  May she and her husband have a safe, healthy and happy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

Of death.
Of life.

Questions that never cease to amaze me.

I'm wearing this truly gorgeous dress today at work (black), coupled with some hottie red sandals.  I picked out the perfect undie/bra combo to make me feel super sexy.  I always check myself out before leaving and I looked fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnne.  I was feelin' it, as it were.

Until about 20 minutes ago.

I walk into the restroom and catch sight of my behind.

I notice my underwear.

And Not One Person Has Told Me My Undies Are Showing ALL DAY.  Not just that, but HOW, in the course of a few short hours, have my underwear gone from NOT SHOWING to a big flashy neon SHOWING, LOOKY HERE AT HER THONG, showy?

So what's an enterprising chica to do?

Go Panty Free.

I'm calling it "Going Free Range" as "commando" feels a little boy-ish and "free ballin'" doesn't exactly work for my ladyparts.

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Special thanks to Jay at Plays With Sirens for calling me during the panty crisis and offering up options on what to call my panty-free self.

Pardon me, do I look older?

Working at and for a college has many perks but possibly the best perk are the students.  Students?  Why yes -- it is endlessly fascinating to see them grow and learn, not to mention the conversations overheard in any one walk down the sidewalk. 

I *might* be just a titch more hip because I work at a college. 

Today, though, was not that day.

I was walking to a meeting when I happen to overhear a conversation between a couple of students.  One is telling the other all about her mom's birthday party this past weekend.  Her mom's 36th birthday party. 

Dear readers, I turn 37 in two months. 

So tell me, are the gray hairs showing?  Miss Clairol, where are you????

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In other news, I have scheduled my visits for American University (DC), The George Washington University (DC) and University of Illinois -- Chicago to visit campuses and learn about their Ph.D. programs.  I will be submitting my applications in November  -- and my GRE is in two weeks.  Pray for me.

Statistics Homework (or how I have lost my fucking mind)

Clearly I must be touched.  No, you pervs, not THAT kind of touched although taking a moment to think about that, mmmmmmm.  

Yes, I'm touched. I'm taking a stats class right now that likely I will have to take another of when I go to get my Ph.D.  Have I mentioned I hate stats?  Hate?  Hate with the white hot fury of a thousand and one suns? 

There is one small light in the tunnel -- tonight's lab assignment involves me eating M&Ms.  Yep.  True story.  It is all about probability (color) and if I have to eat M&Ms to get the assignment right, I will.

I'm a giver like that.

Where were you ...

when the world stopped turning? 

I was at a new job at CIC Enterprises on the north side of Indianapolis.  I took the job two months prior and was busily finding tax credits for my corporate clients that morning.  I was listening to 92.3 WTTS and I will never forget Todd Berryman, the morning DJ, announcing that there was something on the news wire he could not believe -- that a plane had hit one of the towers.  Then a moment later, he reacted on the radio as he heard of the second tower being hit.  My office found an old tv and got it turned on, and listened to the broadcasts all day.  Later that day, my boyfriend's sister in law (who would be my sister in law 14 months later) called to invite me to dinner and prayer.  I gratefully accepted.

I remember praying in hopes that someone, anyone, many someones would be found alive. 

Today I say prayers for their souls and their families.

I watched MSNBC this morning as it replayed the broadcast from 9/11/01.  As the first tower fell, I cried anew.  Tonight I've watched the History Channel, with their documentary '102 Minutes.'  102 Minutes shows 9/11 from a strictly NYC point of view, as taken from the many personal cameras and videocameras people had with them that day.  Watching the beginning of it, I just wanted to shout at those who ran toward the towers to run the other way, save themselves.  I know as sure as I know myownself that in this documentary are first responders of every stripe that did not make it out alive. 

I know first responders.  My buddy Jay at Plays With Sirens is a captain, fireman and EMT extraordinaire.  While I would never suggest he doesn't do his job (as Jay without that job is like Jay without air), but I do pray for him and his compatriots each day. 

I'm not terribly religious -- but I also think that thinking positive thoughts and sending out positive vibes into the universe never hurt anyone. 

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So nine years ago tonight I was having dinner with a family -- my boyfriend, his brother, his sister in law, their two kids and his mother and father. 

Tonight I had dinner with my Florida family -- Mary, Lee, the kiddos and Mary's mom & dad. 

Tonight, like that night nine years ago, I said prayers aloud and prayers silently. 

I pray, as always, for peace. 

Reading a lot these days

I've been doing my usual: something heavy, something fluffy and back again.  Last night was a fluffy night and I read "Plain Truth" by Jodie Picoult. 

Alright, not entirely fluffy as it dealt with infanticide at an Amish farm in Pennsylvania. 

Anyhoo, I stayed up far too late, finished the book and then lay awake thinking of that line in the book that *got* me -- you know, the one you wish you wrote, the one line that says it all.  In this book, the line was about finding that "one" person that time stands still when you are with them.

I can remember only one moment like that in my life.  It stands out because it was as though we were the only people in the room, although we were surrounded by classmates, our professor and some pretty quizzical looks when it was all over.

He was a guy I'd had a crush on forever ... never followed through on that one, always the wrong time, as he and I were always involved with someone else when the other was free. 

It was an ordinary fall afternoon, we were taking the same political science class.  For some reason, the prof asked us all to pair off and dance for a minute ... for the life of me I cannot remember why.  There was music, there was dancing and then the music was over, and we were still looking at each other and talking, lost in our own world.  I remember the professor asking us if we were through, and my blush taking over my whole body, let alone my face.

The earth literally stopped moving that day, that hour, that moment.*

He's married now.  Looks like he's happy -- and I'm glad for him.  He deserves happy.

I just wonder if the earth stopped moving for him that day too.


*there are times, like now, that I wonder if that moment will ever come to pass for me again.  I was 21, going on 22.  I'm approaching 37 now.  Fifteen years and I still think about that moment.  I've never had another moment like that since.  Will I find another that will stop time for me?  Will I find another that I want to stop time for? 

ready to go.

It is Thursday, 2:47 p.m., before the Labor Day weekend.  I do not need to say this out loud, but it is apparent: I want a few days off.

I'm not off tomorrow.  I should have, but didn't.  Dumb.

I am off Monday. 

My family has driven me insane these last few weeks since returning from Ireland.  Generally there is a low-level of insanity going on, much like there is always a current in every calm lake. 

I want to go somewhere where my phone doesn't work.

The internet doesn't work.

The county sheriff has to track me down if absolutely necessary.

So I'm heading there, this weekend. 

Away, with some friends, to a small little island in the 10,000 islands of SW Florida.  There will be foods grilled, stories told, beverages of all sorts consumed and fish stalked.  It will be glorious. 

I will nap.  I will cook.  I will study for my GRE.  I will fish.  I will drink copious amounts of adult beverages. 

I will not answer the phone (it doesn't work there).  I will not answer email (there is no internet there).  I will not be in contact with anyone other than my hosts (because I don't have to).

Neener neener.

Back in school

I'm back in school.  Busy as can be with that, plus prepping to take the GRE again at the end of September.  

Family drama seems to have died down a bit.  Still insane.

So I'm heading to a friend's "camp" house this weekend.  No cell phone coverage, no internet availability. Did I mention I'm excited?