Yes, dear readers, I'm awake. It is 3:50 a.m. and I have been awake over an hour after waking from editing in my sleep. No, it is not enough that I edit while I am awake, apparently my brain feels it must allocate precious sleeping hours to the task as well.
An update on the Title III -- it is now in one document, readable and sent to my fellow co-authors for revisions. All revisions are due by 5:00 p.m. today (Saturday) and then I take all their thoughts, revisions, edits and comments, combine them into one document and return it to Linga for one last go-round. After that it goes to my former boss for her reading pleasure (or not). On Monday morning at 8:00, I find out whether this document will truly be turned in on Thursday.
Honestly, it is 90% there. It has taken blood, sweat and tears to get it there. I worked all day yesterday getting it into an order and format that seemed to make the most sense. There are only 50 pages to explain exactly what we will do, how we will do it, timeframe, how we knew what to do, who is in charge, who else is in charge, what money we need, why we need that amount of money and a bibliography of all sources for our document.
Believe it or not, we stand at 44 pages currently.
So although there is nothing for me to do now, my mind thinks otherwise. Am Not Pleased.
********************
In other news around the nation, I've had a houseguest for a few days. B, a coworker from my previous life, needed a place to stay while she was in FM. She had other plans initially but for a plethora of reasons that aren't mine to share, she's stayed with me a few days. I think she has had fun -- from my end, it has been nice to have someone to talk to at the end of each day. Unfortunately, this was probably the worst week out of any week that I have had in the past year to have houseguests, what with all this grant writing madness going on.
Last night we went to a 50th birthday party for a friend of mine at a local establishment. I am pretty sure this bar hasn't had that many people in it for many a year -- it was a madhouse and crazy busy. A tiny place with a nice porch, it was good to have the overflow room. Now that I think about it, it was probably a fire hazard but we had fun.
As for the kittens, they haven't seen much of me lately. As I type here on the couch, Cleo sleeps next to me, just glad I am home. A friend of mine lost her kitty, Harvey, this week. He was probably 15 or so, but I knew Harvey and it saddens me he is gone. Here's to hoping Harvey has lots of tuna in kitty-heaven.
I found out last week that a friend (34) has Stage II breast cancer and another friend's mother has Stage IV liver, pancreatic and bone cancer. Adding to the tragedy (as if THAT weren't enough), this same friend whose Mom has cancer is 7 months pregnant with her first baby. I don't know how many of my readers are those that pray, but please join me in sending prayers/good wishes/happy thoughts each of these women. They are in my heart and prayers each morning and each night.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I don't drink nearly enough.
On my approximately 50th meeting this week (no kidding), I said to my compatriots: "I don't drink enough at night for this." Both of them busted out laughing and agreed with me.
Still working on Title III, or Title 111 as Linga likes to call it.
My life sucks.
One week, one day until vacation. One week until this motherfucker is turned in and done.
Hate.My.Life.Now.
Ireland? Where are you friend? Show me your cute red-headed Irish boys. Pour me a Guinness. No, make that two. Better yet, back it with a Jameson. Yes, yes, that is beginning to sound better.
Tired.
Crabbypants.
Irritable.
Me.
Still working on Title III, or Title 111 as Linga likes to call it.
My life sucks.
One week, one day until vacation. One week until this motherfucker is turned in and done.
Hate.My.Life.Now.
Ireland? Where are you friend? Show me your cute red-headed Irish boys. Pour me a Guinness. No, make that two. Better yet, back it with a Jameson. Yes, yes, that is beginning to sound better.
Tired.
Crabbypants.
Irritable.
Me.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sidewalk Living
So I'm no longer under the bus, but I'm sure not driving it and barely a passenger.
Some observations after the weekend (and cleaning my bedroom in a pissed-off frenzy):
1. Linga cannot type Roman numerals. No, no, not kidding. For Title III, she put Title 111. p.s. she has a doctorate.
2. Being Linga's peon has its advantages. She likes to have someone make copies for her. I, as her peon, get that privilege. I have never made this much money and made copies for someone. I think I have died and gone to heaven.
3. This week, in each of the morning meetings, I will listen and take notes on what I need to do, but barely open my mouth. If Linga is going to be in charge, she can be in charge.
4. I now have plenty of time to work on my grad school applications. Go me!
I'm taking this whole change in stride -- perhaps this is the sign I needed to slow my life down. I'm taking it.
**********
My bedroom does look much better. Rearranged it, cleaned the carpet and hung some pictures. Overall, good weekend of just lazing around. Made some pesto yesterday -- mighty tasty.
Some observations after the weekend (and cleaning my bedroom in a pissed-off frenzy):
1. Linga cannot type Roman numerals. No, no, not kidding. For Title III, she put Title 111. p.s. she has a doctorate.
2. Being Linga's peon has its advantages. She likes to have someone make copies for her. I, as her peon, get that privilege. I have never made this much money and made copies for someone. I think I have died and gone to heaven.
3. This week, in each of the morning meetings, I will listen and take notes on what I need to do, but barely open my mouth. If Linga is going to be in charge, she can be in charge.
4. I now have plenty of time to work on my grad school applications. Go me!
I'm taking this whole change in stride -- perhaps this is the sign I needed to slow my life down. I'm taking it.
**********
My bedroom does look much better. Rearranged it, cleaned the carpet and hung some pictures. Overall, good weekend of just lazing around. Made some pesto yesterday -- mighty tasty.
Friday, July 23, 2010
This blog comes to you from under the bus.
Yeppur, got thrown under the tires of a large bus this week by my former, yes former, boss, as she has now turned me over to the new boss, who will henceforth be known as Linga. I would call her Satan, but I'd hate to insult the poor creature (Satan, that is). Linga was my sister's boss from way-back-when that nearly drove her to insanity. I will not be driven to insanity, but I will find a way to deal with her.
With that, there are some new work rules for dealing with the likes of Linga:
1. From this day forward I will no longer offer to stay late, work late, work weekends or even stay past my normally scheduled 8 hour shift. I get paid for 8, I'm leaving after 8.
2. I will make sure that Linga has what she needs from me, but no extras.
3. I will keep my eyes on the prize. I will do my job to the best of my ability but I know that this is not the end-all, be-all of my career. This is a job -- and henceforth will be treated as such. My life is no longer for sale for the sake of a paycheck.
Aside from the bus tire tracks on my back, I found out this week that a dear friend has breast cancer (she is all of 34 years old) and another friend is going through a divorce.
Going through my first tropical storm now. Not to jinx the living shit out of myself (and my stuff) but this (to date) has been calmer than many of the rainstorms I've gone through here. Of course I say that and next week a hurricane will make landfall here that makes Katrina and Andrew look like a sprinkle.
With that, there are some new work rules for dealing with the likes of Linga:
1. From this day forward I will no longer offer to stay late, work late, work weekends or even stay past my normally scheduled 8 hour shift. I get paid for 8, I'm leaving after 8.
2. I will make sure that Linga has what she needs from me, but no extras.
3. I will keep my eyes on the prize. I will do my job to the best of my ability but I know that this is not the end-all, be-all of my career. This is a job -- and henceforth will be treated as such. My life is no longer for sale for the sake of a paycheck.
Aside from the bus tire tracks on my back, I found out this week that a dear friend has breast cancer (she is all of 34 years old) and another friend is going through a divorce.
Going through my first tropical storm now. Not to jinx the living shit out of myself (and my stuff) but this (to date) has been calmer than many of the rainstorms I've gone through here. Of course I say that and next week a hurricane will make landfall here that makes Katrina and Andrew look like a sprinkle.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Life and Other Oddities.
I was out this weekend with Mary and the Wine chick, having a girls' day on Sunday. Lunch, then pedicures, then over to the Wine chick's mom & dad's house for review of baby clothes. Wine chick is 7 months pregnant. After this, we went back to Wine chick's house for some, well, wine.
They both got a big kick out of torturing me about my lack of dating and the other pleasantries that come from dating. After hearing all about their great sex lives, I had nothing to offer, just a "haven't done that in awhile."
Sigh.
Gotta move to a bigger town. More men my age. This place is driving me crazy.
They both got a big kick out of torturing me about my lack of dating and the other pleasantries that come from dating. After hearing all about their great sex lives, I had nothing to offer, just a "haven't done that in awhile."
Sigh.
Gotta move to a bigger town. More men my age. This place is driving me crazy.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Letting Sleeping Dogs Lie
While Facebook can be a wonderous thing, it can also be a bit overwhelming. Case in point, I got a friend request from someone I've known since I was 12 years old. Before ultimately ignoring her request, I spent some seriously introspective hours contemplating what it would be like to include this person in my life again. Ultimately, the answer was no, life is short, bullshit is deep and I enjoy being happy. This person doesn't make me happy -- she/he makes me sad/upset/concerned.
I could go into all the reasons why I ignored the friend request, but really, truly, those reasons are far more personal and gut-wrenching than I care to think about. Not having them in my life is not a hardship for me, in fact it is peaceful.
So I'm letting that sleeping dog lie. I am glad to just have let it all go -- much like the shredding of this past week.
I could go into all the reasons why I ignored the friend request, but really, truly, those reasons are far more personal and gut-wrenching than I care to think about. Not having them in my life is not a hardship for me, in fact it is peaceful.
So I'm letting that sleeping dog lie. I am glad to just have let it all go -- much like the shredding of this past week.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Cleaning out the guest room closet
Each month from now until I move again (11 months from now), I have one task per month to complete. This month's task is cleaning out the guest room closet.
You might imagine this is an arduous task, given that I've allocated a month for the cleanup. You'd be right, by the way, it is horrendous.
The guest closet has been the "catch all" for all boxes and totes that needed dealt with since I moved here. I have not, repeat, have not, opened one single box that has been in that closet for over a year. As you might imagine, there are a lot of things in there that do not belong in my life anymore.
For example: office supplies. To say I could run my own Office Depot or Staples is not an exaggeration. There are tons of office supplies in there. A few will go to work (to up my piles of stuff there) but the majority of it is going to a friend for her elementary school. As you, dear reader, are probably aware, teachers (and students) are often starved for supplies. As such, these supplies will be well used and cherished by elementary students and teachers at Seagate Elem. in Naples.
Then there was the paperwork.
Holy Fuck.
Yep, it was outrageous as to the amount of paperwork I had saved for reasons unbeknownst to me. I mean, I must have had a unknown crack habit to completely forget I had all this paperwork. So I sorted and piled. One pile for recycling (large), one pile for shredding (large) and one pile for keeps (teeny tiny). I found some things I didn't realized I had packed.
Like my file on my car accident back in 2000. Police report, medical records, letters from that illegal, non-license having, piece of shit's attorney and all the insurance records. Shredding that was calming, peaceful and took my mind off it entirely.
Then there was a wedding file. Wow. I sure did not realize I had kept that stuff. I mean, I kept the wedding license and divorce decree (because apparently I have to keep that shit), but wedding cards, our "formal" wedding license, pre-nup stuff (yes, we had a pre-nup), guest list and notes from my Hex were all in this file. I found a picture of us, taken 8 years ago this June at his Mom's house. It is sad to say this but we looked truly happy. Looking through the eyes of the present day, I know, of course, all the things that happened since and it made me a little teary-eyed. I never thought in my wildest, most terrible nightmares that I'd get divorced and yet all the evidence of a marriage gone wrong was in my hands. Shredding all that stuff was an enormous weight off my shoulders. I felt a great peace wash over me as I said goodbye to a life ended (5 years ago this year) and straightened my shoulders to look to the future.
As a side note, it was five years ago today that I acknowledged, publicly, that my marriage wasn't working and hadn't been working. On July 15, 2005, I filed for formal separation from the Hex.
**************************
If nothing else, it made me realize just how much I'd like to be married again and perhaps, perhaps, have children. At this point, I'm almost feeling too old (although I know plenty of people YEARS older than me having their first child), so maybe someone with kid(s) would be appropriate. I don't know what the future holds, all I know is that I'm happy with my own life -- which is surely a positive step towards including someone in it.
You might imagine this is an arduous task, given that I've allocated a month for the cleanup. You'd be right, by the way, it is horrendous.
The guest closet has been the "catch all" for all boxes and totes that needed dealt with since I moved here. I have not, repeat, have not, opened one single box that has been in that closet for over a year. As you might imagine, there are a lot of things in there that do not belong in my life anymore.
For example: office supplies. To say I could run my own Office Depot or Staples is not an exaggeration. There are tons of office supplies in there. A few will go to work (to up my piles of stuff there) but the majority of it is going to a friend for her elementary school. As you, dear reader, are probably aware, teachers (and students) are often starved for supplies. As such, these supplies will be well used and cherished by elementary students and teachers at Seagate Elem. in Naples.
Then there was the paperwork.
Holy Fuck.
Yep, it was outrageous as to the amount of paperwork I had saved for reasons unbeknownst to me. I mean, I must have had a unknown crack habit to completely forget I had all this paperwork. So I sorted and piled. One pile for recycling (large), one pile for shredding (large) and one pile for keeps (teeny tiny). I found some things I didn't realized I had packed.
Like my file on my car accident back in 2000. Police report, medical records, letters from that illegal, non-license having, piece of shit's attorney and all the insurance records. Shredding that was calming, peaceful and took my mind off it entirely.
Then there was a wedding file. Wow. I sure did not realize I had kept that stuff. I mean, I kept the wedding license and divorce decree (because apparently I have to keep that shit), but wedding cards, our "formal" wedding license, pre-nup stuff (yes, we had a pre-nup), guest list and notes from my Hex were all in this file. I found a picture of us, taken 8 years ago this June at his Mom's house. It is sad to say this but we looked truly happy. Looking through the eyes of the present day, I know, of course, all the things that happened since and it made me a little teary-eyed. I never thought in my wildest, most terrible nightmares that I'd get divorced and yet all the evidence of a marriage gone wrong was in my hands. Shredding all that stuff was an enormous weight off my shoulders. I felt a great peace wash over me as I said goodbye to a life ended (5 years ago this year) and straightened my shoulders to look to the future.
As a side note, it was five years ago today that I acknowledged, publicly, that my marriage wasn't working and hadn't been working. On July 15, 2005, I filed for formal separation from the Hex.
**************************
If nothing else, it made me realize just how much I'd like to be married again and perhaps, perhaps, have children. At this point, I'm almost feeling too old (although I know plenty of people YEARS older than me having their first child), so maybe someone with kid(s) would be appropriate. I don't know what the future holds, all I know is that I'm happy with my own life -- which is surely a positive step towards including someone in it.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Quote Of The Day, nay, YEAR.
A coworker told me:
"Athena, it is ALL ABOUT YOU today." (in response to my numerous data requests)
to which I replied: "Damn, and you aren't single!"
Although I don't get to make men blush very often, it is satisfying when I do.
:)
"Athena, it is ALL ABOUT YOU today." (in response to my numerous data requests)
to which I replied: "Damn, and you aren't single!"
Although I don't get to make men blush very often, it is satisfying when I do.
:)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Still Phoneless and Work Stress.
My phone is not just dead, but officially dead. Declared DOA at Batteries Plus and Verizon. Tomorrow, God Willing and The Creek Don't Rise, I ought to have a new phone by 10 a.m.
A couple of observations from a person that hasn't been without a cell phone for ten years now:
1. I feel a little jittery and nervous. I can't exactly put my finger on it, it is like I put on one sandal and one shoe, just out of sorts.
2. I generally talk to my Mom every day. I'm a little lonely for her company.
3. I miss getting texts from my friends with the usual nonsense.
4. It has been awful quiet these past two nights at my house without a phone.
5. The cats haven't noticed, other than their sleep hasn't been disturbed by aforementioned texts or phone calls.
*****************************
In less than one month, I will be in Ireland, enjoying the Guiness with my friend Angela. I am so excited about that I can barely comprehend it is true. The trip has been paid for since April but still, still, it seems that it isn't possible, logical or comprehensible that I will be in Ireland. For a Week. IRELAND!!!
Yeah hooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeyyy!!!
On the other hand, it seems like much too short of a time. I have two grants due to the respective funding agencies this month. Both equal up to about 2.75M. Yes, $2,750,000. If I get one or both of these, I will be in ROCK STAR status at work. If I don't get either of these, there will be plenty of disappointment to go around -- all directed my way.
So I'm nervous.
Scared.
Freaked Out.
Stressed.
Anyone want to give me a backrub? Preferably a single guy with (exceedingly low) morals -- at least for one night?
Best stress relief I can think of and unfortunately, I'm in exactly the wrong town to do a damn thing about that. Booooooooooooooo.
A couple of observations from a person that hasn't been without a cell phone for ten years now:
1. I feel a little jittery and nervous. I can't exactly put my finger on it, it is like I put on one sandal and one shoe, just out of sorts.
2. I generally talk to my Mom every day. I'm a little lonely for her company.
3. I miss getting texts from my friends with the usual nonsense.
4. It has been awful quiet these past two nights at my house without a phone.
5. The cats haven't noticed, other than their sleep hasn't been disturbed by aforementioned texts or phone calls.
*****************************
In less than one month, I will be in Ireland, enjoying the Guiness with my friend Angela. I am so excited about that I can barely comprehend it is true. The trip has been paid for since April but still, still, it seems that it isn't possible, logical or comprehensible that I will be in Ireland. For a Week. IRELAND!!!
Yeah hooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeyyy!!!
On the other hand, it seems like much too short of a time. I have two grants due to the respective funding agencies this month. Both equal up to about 2.75M. Yes, $2,750,000. If I get one or both of these, I will be in ROCK STAR status at work. If I don't get either of these, there will be plenty of disappointment to go around -- all directed my way.
So I'm nervous.
Scared.
Freaked Out.
Stressed.
Anyone want to give me a backrub? Preferably a single guy with (exceedingly low) morals -- at least for one night?
Best stress relief I can think of and unfortunately, I'm in exactly the wrong town to do a damn thing about that. Booooooooooooooo.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I'm phoneless.
My phone died today. No warning, no rhyme, no reason ... just repeated "trying to connect to the desktop" syncing then ... nothing. So long Palm. I loved you. You were a good phone. Despite my repeated drops on pavement, you were Timex-like, in that you kept on tickin'.
Tomorrow I get the joy of getting another phone. Now let's just start of by saying that I don't know jackshit about phones other than: 1) I want to be able to call; 2) I want to be able to send texts (message, video and picture); and I want it to sync to my calendar at work.
Pretty easy, right? I mean, the list is short, it's no big whoop, it's basic.
Well fuck me runnin', finding a phone like this that doesn't require "instant web access" or "instant email updates" is like I have revisited the Phone Dark Ages. I want a smart phone but not one so smart I am a complete fucking idiot compared to it. I'm thinking Palm again, as I know what to do with the darn thing and likely won't have to learn a million more details.
I'm a Verizon customer, much to my AT&T lovin' & workin' friends chagrin. The store nearest to me (and, for that matter, all other Verizon carrying stores) closed at 6 p.m. tonight. It opens tomorrow at 9 a.m. I am going to be on it like white on rice in the morning.
Then I won't be phoneless anymore.
Tomorrow I get the joy of getting another phone. Now let's just start of by saying that I don't know jackshit about phones other than: 1) I want to be able to call; 2) I want to be able to send texts (message, video and picture); and I want it to sync to my calendar at work.
Pretty easy, right? I mean, the list is short, it's no big whoop, it's basic.
Well fuck me runnin', finding a phone like this that doesn't require "instant web access" or "instant email updates" is like I have revisited the Phone Dark Ages. I want a smart phone but not one so smart I am a complete fucking idiot compared to it. I'm thinking Palm again, as I know what to do with the darn thing and likely won't have to learn a million more details.
I'm a Verizon customer, much to my AT&T lovin' & workin' friends chagrin. The store nearest to me (and, for that matter, all other Verizon carrying stores) closed at 6 p.m. tonight. It opens tomorrow at 9 a.m. I am going to be on it like white on rice in the morning.
Then I won't be phoneless anymore.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Damn that was a quick week
So I meant to blog about the remainder of my trip but let's just do a quick recap instead:
Saw Family
Saw Friends (except for Jay of Plays with Sirens fame [booo])
Tailgated the fireworks in downtown Indy
Drove my sister's Saab convertible a lot (sigh, sigh, sigh)
Ate lots of pizza
Slept with the windows open (!?!)
Read Shadow Country by Peter Matthiessen (story of E.J. Watson in Ft. Myers/Everglades City/Chockoluskee) and still reading this ... about 800 pages or so.
**************
Got back to FM, my cold is still in full effect. Cough, sneezing, occasional hacked-up snot balls, the works. I am one charming woman this week.
This morning I awoke to a dead gecko on my bedroom floor. Placed ever-so-nicely by my guardcats, I believe it is the one that got in last week before I left for IN. I warned him then that his lifespan was significantly shortened by entry to my house, but he ran from me before I could throw him back out. Score is currently Geckos 0, Cats 6.
Went out for beverages on Wednesday night with my coworker, A, her husband and many of their friends. Also included another coworker, P, who was brought into the group because she is a great deal of fun. We laughed and had a good time, it was a nice mid-week relaxer.
Angela is now doing all my worrying for me, so I am living free and happy.
Nothing further happened with Jason, I didn't see him again before I left. It was weird though, having those feelings come out of nowhere. I mean, really, it's been a year. After another week's worth of thought, the only thing I can come up with is that he is/was my one serious relationship after the Hex (in nearly 5 years), and that definitely accounts for something.
This weekend is all about cleaning the house. Specifically my guest bedroom closet as that is my task of the month. Wish me luck. If I don't post for another week or check in on Facebook, you may want to call my apartment complex and have them rescue me. I'll be under the pile of boxes in the closet.
Saw Family
Saw Friends (except for Jay of Plays with Sirens fame [booo])
Tailgated the fireworks in downtown Indy
Drove my sister's Saab convertible a lot (sigh, sigh, sigh)
Ate lots of pizza
Slept with the windows open (!?!)
Read Shadow Country by Peter Matthiessen (story of E.J. Watson in Ft. Myers/Everglades City/Chockoluskee) and still reading this ... about 800 pages or so.
**************
Got back to FM, my cold is still in full effect. Cough, sneezing, occasional hacked-up snot balls, the works. I am one charming woman this week.
This morning I awoke to a dead gecko on my bedroom floor. Placed ever-so-nicely by my guardcats, I believe it is the one that got in last week before I left for IN. I warned him then that his lifespan was significantly shortened by entry to my house, but he ran from me before I could throw him back out. Score is currently Geckos 0, Cats 6.
Went out for beverages on Wednesday night with my coworker, A, her husband and many of their friends. Also included another coworker, P, who was brought into the group because she is a great deal of fun. We laughed and had a good time, it was a nice mid-week relaxer.
Angela is now doing all my worrying for me, so I am living free and happy.
Nothing further happened with Jason, I didn't see him again before I left. It was weird though, having those feelings come out of nowhere. I mean, really, it's been a year. After another week's worth of thought, the only thing I can come up with is that he is/was my one serious relationship after the Hex (in nearly 5 years), and that definitely accounts for something.
This weekend is all about cleaning the house. Specifically my guest bedroom closet as that is my task of the month. Wish me luck. If I don't post for another week or check in on Facebook, you may want to call my apartment complex and have them rescue me. I'll be under the pile of boxes in the closet.
Friday, July 2, 2010
I saw him last night (the rest of the story)
Where was I? Oh yeah ... here we go.
If you've been playing along in this magical mystery tour I call my existence, you know that last year, before I left Indy, I was dating a guy I've called Jason on this blog. If you'll recall, he came to FM for the 4th of July and I called off our relationship a couple weeks later. It was clear he wasn't moving there, I wasn't moving back, and, quite frankly, I wasn't sure if it was going any farther. We'd dated since Labor Day the year before (2008).
Since last July, we've been talking on the phone and emailed. I've tried to maintain a friendship -- obviously I liked him enough to date, we didn't end on bad terms, may as well be friends.
I told him I was coming up and he asked me if he'd get to see me. I said I'd try and I left it at that.
So I saw him last night ....
**************
I had talked to him earlier in the evening, asked him if he was going to be home after I went to dinner with my friends downtown and he said yes. I then asked if I could come over, I'd like to talk to him about some things that were going on -- he was good with that too.
I got over to his house around 10:15 or so. His dog greeted me with unbelievable joy, wagging her whole body in half over and over with the tail going at a furious pace. I gave her big love and when I sat down on his couch, she came up on the couch and promptly made herself at home on my lap. Nothing like a dog to calm one's nerves.
I can't really say why I was nervous, other than in the first moment, it became apparent that the feelings I had for him in the past weren't dead. That pretty much knocked me flat on my ass. I hadn't expected it, hadn't anticipated it, and certainly hadn't given THAT a moment's thought when I had planned on seeing him last night. I mean, yes, I haven't laid eyes on him since he was in Fort Myers last 4th of July weekend but we had talked plenty and our friendship had been going well. Feelings, well, I definitely had them for him at one time, but I didn't think those were even within a hairsbreadth of being alive so I didn't think of that.
Of course.
We talked last night about this and that -- our usual sports talk with ESPN as our background noise. (Yes, for those that don't know, I'm a total sports nut. Watch ESPN a lot. This is a secret, tell no one) We talked about his family, his job, my job, my family, the dog and my future plans. We also talked about guppies.
Yep, you read that right: guppies. He has fish -- mostly guppies (as you may have guessed) and one was most assuredly pregnant. As such, I was thinking that she had about .01 second to go before birthing more guppies and as it turned out I was right.
We spent the better part of an hour chasing baby guppies around the tank before we moved out to the porch to say goodbyes. We talked for another hour there and just before I left, a count of the guppies was given. 16 new babies. 30 total baby guppies.
No, "talking about guppies" is not code words for anything else.
When we hugged as I was saying goodbye, it struck me how much I still miss him. Where the Fuck Did THAT Come From?
Got some thinking to do on that bit of business too, I guess.
If you've been playing along in this magical mystery tour I call my existence, you know that last year, before I left Indy, I was dating a guy I've called Jason on this blog. If you'll recall, he came to FM for the 4th of July and I called off our relationship a couple weeks later. It was clear he wasn't moving there, I wasn't moving back, and, quite frankly, I wasn't sure if it was going any farther. We'd dated since Labor Day the year before (2008).
Since last July, we've been talking on the phone and emailed. I've tried to maintain a friendship -- obviously I liked him enough to date, we didn't end on bad terms, may as well be friends.
I told him I was coming up and he asked me if he'd get to see me. I said I'd try and I left it at that.
So I saw him last night ....
**************
I had talked to him earlier in the evening, asked him if he was going to be home after I went to dinner with my friends downtown and he said yes. I then asked if I could come over, I'd like to talk to him about some things that were going on -- he was good with that too.
I got over to his house around 10:15 or so. His dog greeted me with unbelievable joy, wagging her whole body in half over and over with the tail going at a furious pace. I gave her big love and when I sat down on his couch, she came up on the couch and promptly made herself at home on my lap. Nothing like a dog to calm one's nerves.
I can't really say why I was nervous, other than in the first moment, it became apparent that the feelings I had for him in the past weren't dead. That pretty much knocked me flat on my ass. I hadn't expected it, hadn't anticipated it, and certainly hadn't given THAT a moment's thought when I had planned on seeing him last night. I mean, yes, I haven't laid eyes on him since he was in Fort Myers last 4th of July weekend but we had talked plenty and our friendship had been going well. Feelings, well, I definitely had them for him at one time, but I didn't think those were even within a hairsbreadth of being alive so I didn't think of that.
Of course.
We talked last night about this and that -- our usual sports talk with ESPN as our background noise. (Yes, for those that don't know, I'm a total sports nut. Watch ESPN a lot. This is a secret, tell no one) We talked about his family, his job, my job, my family, the dog and my future plans. We also talked about guppies.
Yep, you read that right: guppies. He has fish -- mostly guppies (as you may have guessed) and one was most assuredly pregnant. As such, I was thinking that she had about .01 second to go before birthing more guppies and as it turned out I was right.
We spent the better part of an hour chasing baby guppies around the tank before we moved out to the porch to say goodbyes. We talked for another hour there and just before I left, a count of the guppies was given. 16 new babies. 30 total baby guppies.
No, "talking about guppies" is not code words for anything else.
When we hugged as I was saying goodbye, it struck me how much I still miss him. Where the Fuck Did THAT Come From?
Got some thinking to do on that bit of business too, I guess.
Back Home Again ... In Indiana ...
Feelin' a little Jim Nabors come over me ... didja feel it too?
****************
I'm back in Indiana and have managed to see a number of friends and family since arriving on early Wednesday night. Some good news shared, some bad news shared, lots of laughs and just thinking about all these people makes me smile deep into my soul. I am blessed, truly blessed beyond any measure, that I have such wonderful friends and family. Where on earth would any of us be without them?
***************
Strange developments since arriving here though. One has to do with me, one has to do with a friend.
The friend first, of course. Why do I want to spill my dirty laundry all over the floor? ;)
So, my friend Lu. She lost her husband last year, if you've read the blog, you've kept up with that ongoing saga. Suffice to say, I loved her husband dearly and considered him like a brother, as she is my sister in the heart. When Steve passed, I thought I would lose my mind and I cannot even fathom how she felt.
So what's the deal now? Hmm. I don't know quite how to say it so I'll just be blunt. She's dating someone not worthy of her AT ALL. I met him on Wednesday night when they both picked me up at the airport. Seemed nice enough at first, if not too gabby (overshare-r of the first order). Wasn't quite sure what to make of him, seemed only an inch deep as a person and maybe that wide too. False, fake, a "used car salesman in a 3rd rate lot" was how I described him to another friend. Not a good person. We met Sister and Boy Wonder at dinner at Bazbeaux in Broad Ripple.
To give you an example ... the creepy bastard snapped his fingers at our server, calling him "boss" because he could not remember his name. That, among other things, drove Sister, Boy Wonder and I absolutely bat-shit crazy.
Good news -- I'm not here, I don't have to deal with him daily, even weekly. Bad news, he's dating my dear friend and God Help Her. Bah! So annoyed! To be that much of a jerk just appalls me to no end -- and frustrates me for her. She's charmed by him (although I SURE AS HELL CAN'T SEE WHY) and he is showily fond of her (public displays of affection, patting her ass in public, etc).
Blech. Barf-city.
**********
So, me.
If you've been playing along in this magical mystery tour I call my existence, you know that last year, before I left Indy, I was dating a guy I've called Jason on this blog. If you'll recall, he came to FM for the 4th of July and I called off our relationship a couple weeks later. It was clear he wasn't moving there, I wasn't moving back, and, quite frankly, I wasn't sure if it was going any farther. We'd dated since Labor Day the year before (2008).
Since last July, we've been talking on the phone and emailed. I've tried to maintain a friendship -- obviously I liked him enough to date, we didn't end on bad terms, may as well be friends.
I told him I was coming up and he asked me if he'd get to see me. I said I'd try and I left it at that.
So I saw him last night .... (more later)
****************
I'm back in Indiana and have managed to see a number of friends and family since arriving on early Wednesday night. Some good news shared, some bad news shared, lots of laughs and just thinking about all these people makes me smile deep into my soul. I am blessed, truly blessed beyond any measure, that I have such wonderful friends and family. Where on earth would any of us be without them?
***************
Strange developments since arriving here though. One has to do with me, one has to do with a friend.
The friend first, of course. Why do I want to spill my dirty laundry all over the floor? ;)
So, my friend Lu. She lost her husband last year, if you've read the blog, you've kept up with that ongoing saga. Suffice to say, I loved her husband dearly and considered him like a brother, as she is my sister in the heart. When Steve passed, I thought I would lose my mind and I cannot even fathom how she felt.
So what's the deal now? Hmm. I don't know quite how to say it so I'll just be blunt. She's dating someone not worthy of her AT ALL. I met him on Wednesday night when they both picked me up at the airport. Seemed nice enough at first, if not too gabby (overshare-r of the first order). Wasn't quite sure what to make of him, seemed only an inch deep as a person and maybe that wide too. False, fake, a "used car salesman in a 3rd rate lot" was how I described him to another friend. Not a good person. We met Sister and Boy Wonder at dinner at Bazbeaux in Broad Ripple.
To give you an example ... the creepy bastard snapped his fingers at our server, calling him "boss" because he could not remember his name. That, among other things, drove Sister, Boy Wonder and I absolutely bat-shit crazy.
Good news -- I'm not here, I don't have to deal with him daily, even weekly. Bad news, he's dating my dear friend and God Help Her. Bah! So annoyed! To be that much of a jerk just appalls me to no end -- and frustrates me for her. She's charmed by him (although I SURE AS HELL CAN'T SEE WHY) and he is showily fond of her (public displays of affection, patting her ass in public, etc).
Blech. Barf-city.
**********
So, me.
If you've been playing along in this magical mystery tour I call my existence, you know that last year, before I left Indy, I was dating a guy I've called Jason on this blog. If you'll recall, he came to FM for the 4th of July and I called off our relationship a couple weeks later. It was clear he wasn't moving there, I wasn't moving back, and, quite frankly, I wasn't sure if it was going any farther. We'd dated since Labor Day the year before (2008).
Since last July, we've been talking on the phone and emailed. I've tried to maintain a friendship -- obviously I liked him enough to date, we didn't end on bad terms, may as well be friends.
I told him I was coming up and he asked me if he'd get to see me. I said I'd try and I left it at that.
So I saw him last night .... (more later)
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