Disembarking the plane.
For some odd reason, despite the change in cabin pressure, despite the wheels hitting the ground and despite the captain ever-so-helpfully announcing the "welcome to (city)," people just can't figure out how to get off a damn plane.
It is the incessant packing up of their shit (in the middle of the freakin' aisle), it is the "helpless" who packed their damn bags but now can't seem to lift them, it is the infirm and elderly who now apparently have a schedule to keep (at 1 mph) and the ones with fourteen kids all with their own personal bags that make me insane.
Rules for flying -- Athena Style.
1. What goes up, must come down. Take note, fellow passengers, of this handy rule of physics. If you aren't completely packed up by the time the plane is unloading, feel free to take as much time as the flight attendants will allow - in your particular seat/row. Do not, under any circumstance, get into the aisle.
2. Packing a "too heavy" or "too cumbersome" bag -- tip #2 involves the use of "checked" luggage and Sherpas. Spend the freaking $20 and let someone else shlump your crap around for you. Then, pay for a Sherpa of some sort to haul your crap from the bag claim to wherever. Just do not, I repeat, do not, pack a too heavy bag and get on the plane expecting others to do your bitchwork. This is why you tip the skycap, quit being a cheapass.
3. If the infirm and elderly/those with small children get to board first because they "need more time" I get it. No complaints. On the other hand, when disembarking the plane, the reverse should hold. You get on first (because you need more time) you get off last (because you need more time). Quit moving at the speed of sloth and expect everyone else to deal with it. Be kind, sit peacefully until the plane is emptied and then get all your bags, your kids fourteen bags and toys and gummy bears and whatever and get off the plane.
4. This rule is universal to many things: just because you can doesn't mean you should. Just because you "can" take two bags with you as carry-ons and your children can take two bags as carry-ons doesn't mean you should. Trust. No child under the age of five wants to carry shit, in fact, they want you to carry them (and all their shit). So refer to rule #2 and make all of us fellow flyers happier people.
ADDITION: November 2, 2010:
5. This rule shall be henceforth known as the 'Don't monkey it up' rule. My friend Jay from over at Plays With Sirens states that if you are in the back of the plane, just relax. You aren't getting off the plane first and as such, there is no sense for you to stand in the aisle "monkeying it up" as he says. Just relax, sit tight and get up when the three rows ahead of you are beginning to disembark. Good rule, Jay. Very good rule.
ADDITION: November 7, 2010:
Official phone-pic of 'monkeying it up' from row 30 of my most recent AirTran flight. Please note, the plane has just landed and the doors aren't open, yet folks in row 27 think they've got a fightin' shot of mowing down the rest of the plane. Sheesh.
Thank you. This public service announcement has been brought to you by a fellow passenger.
3 comments:
I think you should add to your list that if you are sitting towards the back of the plane, you will not be the first one off the plane. So just sit in you seat and wait until about 3 rows in front of you are leaving. All you are doing is monkey-ing up the works by trying to cut in line(a thing that is taught at the kindergaden level that will help you all through life).
Ah, good point my friend. An edit is in the works.
I feel so honored to have contributed...I have many more where "Monkey it up" came from. We will see how they are released in the future.
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