The Week From Hell.

For those that don't know, this week was the first week back to classes. Sounds innocuous, doesn't it? Like spring flowers blooming and all that happy horseshit.

In actuality, the return of students is a little more like this:

"Where am I?" (IT)
"Where am I going?" (Let me look at your schedule)
"Where's the bookstore line?" (You are in it)
"Is the line always this long?" (Yes, when you wait for the first day of class to get your books)
"Is there a Taco Bell around here?" (Yes, thankfully)
"Do you know where Instructor X is?" (No, and the tracking microchip is currently not working)
"Is enrollment up?" (Yes, No, Maybe, Who Knows [dependent on day])
"Can I park in a numbered spot marked 'reserved'?" (Only if you want towed)
"What class is this?" (Obviously one you don't think you belong in)

I have used up my allotment of 'fuck' this week so I've had to resort to 'frack.' All out of 'fuck' by Tuesday, that must be a new record.

Thankfully, thankfully, I am off work tomorrow (Libations in Sharkboy's Gazebo, here I come!) and off Tuesday. Nice, long, pleasant weekend.

Or at least long ;)

Have a great weekend!!

Open Letter to All Women Using Public Restrooms

Hello ladies,

Yes, yes, public restrooms = necessary evil. Of course I'd rather be at home on my freshly cleaned toilet seat but alas, alack, driving home 7 times a day isn't in the cards for me.

So I am publicly pleading with you, my fellow women, for the happiness of all of us that are chained to public restrooms all day long, please note the following:

1. You are not genetically engineered to stand while urinating. Trust. When you do (and some of you DO) you generally spray the seat with your urine. Then, of course, since the seat is too nasty to sit on, you can't possibly clean it off with TP after you are done hosing it down. Lucky me, I come in after you and get an assfull of urine.

This makes me Stabby.

Of course I look before sitting, but some of you must be extra high in your water consumption as it is nary on invisible urine. Again, Stabby.

2. Your Momma doesn't work here. Pick up your paper towels, place in trash container. Pick up the TP you left on the floor.

3. Talking on your cell phone in a public restroom is a No-No. I would not think I'd have to announce this, but the preponderance of this phenomenon has hit record levels as of late. Most people (including myself) just want to do our business in peace. If you are on the phone, we have a much wider audience and that isn't the least bit pleasant. Hang Up.

4. Wash your hands. Blech. Do I need to say more?

5. If something goes drastically wrong in the restroom, please tell one of the myriad staffers around here. None of us want to find out firsthand that you had Indian for lunch upon walking in a 'wronged' stall. Just tell us, we'll call maintenance (who will hate their job once again), and nearly everyone (save maintenance) will be happy.

Thank you. This has been a public service announcement. You may return to your regularly scheduled lives.

U.S. Men's Water Polo Team

Dear God,

Thank You.

Athena

Random Weekend Thoughts

Went shopping with Sister, Mom, Cousin K and Cousin B for Sister's wedding dress. The two smaller shops we visited: could not be nicer. One of the larger shops we visited: pleasant although a touch crowded. The other large shop (Posey Patch, The Bridal Superstore) is one of Dante's circles of hell. First off, there are apparently 1,200 gowns in the store. 1,999 look remarkably similar. Secondly, after my Sister chose which gowns she wanted to try on, I was ready to help her get into and out of gowns, as I had done in every single shop prior. This this CUNT that worked there, all but shoved me out of the dressing room with 'This is a full service bridal shop and I provide full service.' Well, whoop de shit lady, what if my Sister doesn't want to show her tits to a complete stranger? What if Sister liked me helping her? What if you weren't such a bitch? Anyhoo, 35 minutes, 5 gowns and one irritable Bride to be later, we were out of there. Dear Posey Patch: Your customer service sucks and our consultant was a cuntsultant. kthxbai.

Yes, the whole family stayed with me, yes, I am tired. I have been thinking on this a lot lately, how my family seems to drain the life out of me while they are here. I truly think it is because I am not used to any amount of people in my house and while they are here, they have no responsibilities for the other people in their lives. So each has an opinion on what to do (now) and how to do it (now) and why we should do it (now). I try to sort all this out, making sure each gets what they want in some semblance of order and then I collapse. Thus, I get tired and nap after they leave.

Had Sakura's sushi last night. Oh Happy Day. I love Sakura. I love sushi. Lovely time.

Typical Sunday nonsense: laundry, sleep, laundry, sleep, read, out to eat.

Had Scholar's Inn Bakehouse for breakfast (yum) and Noble Roman's pizza (yum) for dinner.

Now getting ready for bed, still reading "The Know-It-All" and enjoying it.

Talked to Scully last week ... looks like I may see her next Wednesday night. Hope so!!!

Am in La Porte this weekend to hang with Dad, Stepmom and Grandmas. Reroofing Grandma's house -- I will serve as Chief Fetcher of Tools. It is my role and I relish it.

g'night.

Total Time Waster

And completely addictive.

http://thefoggymonocle.com/

T A C K Y tacky tacky tacky

This should be sung to the tune of M I C K E Y M O U S E.

I've not blogged about this in the past, as it has not bothered me so much as it did today. Here we go, Athena's Rant O' The Week.

An ex of mine, with whom I'd remained friends, lives in Georgia. (Yes, FN, keep your voice down, I hear the 'I Told You So' from here). We dated a few months then were friends from then on. Over ten years now, to be exact.

Last fall he told me he was getting married. I wished him sincere congratulations and he mentioned that I'd get an invitation when the time came. Okay.

In April, after not having heard from him in several months, I called him on his bday (a normal occurance for us to wish birthday greetings) and left him a voicemail wishing him a happy bday and to let me know where to send a wedding gift. Again, no invitation, no return call, no email. Nada.

Today I get an email from him (I am on a distribution list) with pictures from his wedding. Apparently it happened in June. WTF?

T A C K Y tacky tacky tacky.

Fun Tshirt of Tuesday

As you may or may not be aware, school is nearly in session for my employer. As a result, each day I get to see a number of fashions -- some tragic, some hip.

This one gets a post all its' own.

On a red t-shirt with black lettering, worn by a guy that looked like Jerry Garcia's love child.

"Love Sucks. True Love Swallows."

ba dum dum. Welcome back to school!

2 oil changes, one day.

For those of you that don't know, I refer to my yearly trip to the OB/GYN as my 'oil change,' as in doing my part for bodily maintenance. I would say I look forward to it, but that would be a lie. More like I look forward to the minute afterward, knowing that I am at least 364 days, 23 hours and 59 minutes away from the next time I'm told to lie back, scoot to the edge of the table and put my feet in stirrups.

So I did that today.

Also got my stitches out on my cyst removal, also known as the big zit drain of '08. Big fun time, my life.

And I did really get the Honda's oil changed. Baby was over by 500 miles and I felt bad for her.

I did some grant research and wrote some as well. Attended a meeting. Went to lunch with Sister at Hoaglin's (yum, yum, double yum).

Now at home, chillin', getting ready for bed.

g'night.

My, what a fine weekend.

The weather was lovely, the activities pleasant and an overall lovely weekend to behold.

I can't say I did a whole lot, but I did put up about 24 cups of fresh peaches into the freezer and made 36 cups of pesto. Yes, 36 cups of pesto -- my basil has been working overtime this summer and it needed a place to go. Hence: pesto. I'd like to believe that this much pesto will last me until next summer, but with family and friends requesting some of it -- not likely. Here's to hoping the basil kicks into gear again and another round of pesto can be made.

Friday night was calm, with an early bedtime and relaxing evening at home. Saturday was all about errands and getting things done. I went to the Binford farmers' market and picked up some peaches, sweet corn, lamb burgers and some bread. Then to Target with Sister for various things, then Panera for a yummy lunch, then to Trader Joes for pesto-making supplies, then home. After all that I did some clean up around the house and managed to get some things in order in the guest bedroom. Hit the shower and headed out to Bazbeaux in Carmel for some much needed pizza and beer. After pizza and beer I went home, did some work, then collapsed around 1 a.m.

I had set my alarm for 8 a.m. but managed to reset it to 9, then told myself I'd just lay here a few minutes more. At noon I sprang out of bed like I was shot out of a cannon, completely confused about why I was still in bed. Seriously, the last time I slept that late was in my early 20s after a particularly late night in Broad Ripple. So I got out of bed, went to Wal-Mart (for more pesto stuff), then back home. I cleaned peaches for about an hour or so, then bagged them all up for the freezer. 6 bags of 4 cups each, the perfect size for peach pie. I *heart* peach pie -- especially in January when I am thoroughly sick of citrus fruits and apples. D9 arrived in the middle of this endeavor and kept me company while I continued on the peach quest. Then I started on pesto and made 36 cups of it. So I had 36 little one-cup containers of pesto all over my counter which then went into my freezer. Then the real evening began as I got out the lamb steak that had been marinating since yesterday afternoon. D9 and I had purchased these steaks the week before (3 of them) and had eaten one last week, with the remaining two in the freezer. This week was another planned dinner.

For dinner tonight we had: lamb steaks, corn on the cob (white and bicolor), green beans, grilled zucchini, onion/cucumber vinegar salad, bread w/pesto and berry/peach pie with vanilla ice cream. It was so ridiculously good I am salivating thinking of it. There wasn't a whole lot of any one thing (except for the onion/cucumber salad), so it was just enough of everything to get satisfied.

I am thinking I should get some corn next week at the farmers' market and put that up in the freezer too. mmmmm.

Did some laundry, cleaned off the back porch and loaded recyclables into my car. Very pleasant and productive day.

I'm back.

Long week, what with a trip to Chicago for a conference from Monday to Wednesday, then a trip to La Porte on Wednesday afternoon through today for my uncle's funeral. Yes, another uncle, yes, another funeral.

I was thinking about this today. Some years ago it was my grandparents' generation. Now, it seems, it is the older members of my parents' generation. Granted, I still have one grandparent left (Dad's mom), but over the last few years I've lost four uncles. I only have two left at this point and it saddens me.

It was hard today. I left a rose from my uncle's grave on my grandpa's grave (his dad) and also saw another aunt & uncle's grave. Sometimes I feel so small and insignificant. Today was one of those times.

The funeral dinner was held at my grandma's church, the same one I attended growing up. The church seems smaller than ever and the fellowship hall (downstairs in the basement), doesn't seem nearly as large as it did when I was a kid. I always find it interesting to see how things change and how things stay the same after time has passed. The pastor (the same one who preached when I was a kid) is the same, really, only with gray hair now. Now the parsonage is a little bigger and there is a playground spot next door to the church, but overall, much has stayed the same from my kidhood.

On the trip home, Sister and I had some good talks about life, family and other topics. Got home about an hour ago, wishing I were at the State Fair with my friends pigging out on Fair Food but knowing that I was needed home today. g'night.

John Edwards (and others of his ilk)

At the interview/press conference, Elizabeth Edwards said she was very hurt by his cheating but she had forgiven him.

For one time, one time, in all the public pronouncements of cheating among public and semi-public figures, I'd like to hear the following from the wronged spouse:

"Good evening. Thank you for coming here today. As you have just heard my spouse admit to his/her affair, I wanted to take this moment to let all of you know that after I heard the news, I cried. Then, after thinking about it awhile, and taking into consideration that he/she was counting on me to stand beside him/her today, I decided to put plans into action. Right now, at this very moment, moving vans and movers are at our house loading up his/her possessions. The movers know which ones are his/hers because I have labeled those possessions with LCB, which stands for lying, cheating bastard (bitch). I used black permanent marker to make sure that it was clear which were his/hers and which were mine. As you can see from the look of shock on my spouse's face, he/she did not know I had planned this for today. I have also contacted an attorney and he/she has written up a preliminary separation agreement, effective today. As the faithful spouse I am, I have made arrangements for all of his/her things to be delivered to the nearest hotel and storage unit. I have taken half of the funds in our checking and savings accounts and have moved them into an account in my name only. The children will be living with me. Thank you."

Crazy week.

It has been a crazy week. Not like the week I had upon my return from Sweden, but close.

I've been buried under work, so much so that I'm sure I have very few words left.

I need to clean my house before the Department of Health condemns it.

I need to clean my garage before I can't get my car in it.

I need to do all kinds of stuff.

The weekend: AMEN to that.

Politics

Guess what?

Today as I was driving in on Fall Creek Parkway, I noted that people were slowing down around one of the curves. This is somewhat unusual as the speedlimit through there is 40 but most go 50+.

Then I saw a dog by the side of the road. "Awww" I thought, the cars are slowing down for this poor mangy looking dog who might run out in the road.

Nope.

The cars were slowing down because a few feet in front of the mangy dog there were two more dogs, officially out in traffic on Fall Creek Parkway.

Having Sex.

Yes, people, I've been slowed down in traffic by bad drivers, slow drivers, geese and ducks but today marks the first day my commute has been slowed down by dog sex.

The more interesting part about the dogs having sex wasn't so much that they were (big whoop) but that they were having sex in the road, with cars whizzing by them at 50 mph and the 'giver' was a small little dog (about the size of that dog in the Taco Bell commercials) and the 'receiver' was a german shepard size dog. A mismatch for sure but the giver wasn't about to give up. Now that I think about it, the mangy dog was both a voyeur and waiting his turn to be the giver.

Good times, good times.

Not quite a purple double headed dildo in the road like Maestro and Romeo witnessed, but worthy of a mention for sure.

Crappy Week, Pus Oozing Edition

It was a long, rough, crappy week and I am glad it is over. I will not rehash it for fear it will follow me into next week. Consider this post the official 'burning incense' over the hell of last week.

My soon-to-be-former-lump on my shoulder continues to ooze pus.

That is all.