Sunday, February 17, 2008

So what is it you really want in this life?

I've spent a lot of time since my divorce thinking and rethinking what it is I want -- in life, in a relationship, retirement, the whole nine yards. Everything from children to where I want to live to family to sex was part of my thoughts. Basically, what I wanted was to realize what mistakes I had made in the past, how I had made them and how I could change my life to better fit what it is I wanted.

Last year there was an Oprah show on The Secret, a book detailing the power of attraction. I had Tivo'd the show and watched it at the suggestion of my cousin B. As I watched the show I began to think more and more what it is that I *want* for myself. I was in a place in my life where I had everything I needed. I had a great job, a new condo, nice car, and the best in friends and family. Truly, I realized then as I do now, that I am blessed in so many ways.

I had what I needed but knew I wanted more.

What I wanted, essentially, was a life partner. Someone to share my days and nights with, someone to laugh with, someone to have a life with ... including marriage, kids. I made a list of the 'ideal man' for me. Included everything from education, age, kids/no kids to whether that person had been married before.

It took me a few days to figure it all out. After all, it wasn't a grocery list I was making, it was a list for my future life partner. It wasn't easy ...

So I am revisiting this list with JD. Finding he meets the criteria ... and scared out of my mind.

*******************

This weekend I did something completely out of my normal character.

When JD suggested I visit him at a golf show in Cleveland, I must admit that I was interested in seeing him but ... Cleveland? Seriously. WTF is in Cleveland? Sure, Rock and Roll hall of fame but .... yeah, I got nothin' either.

He first suggested it on Tuesday, knowing he was leaving on Thursday. I must admit to initially blowing it off, as my need for self-preservation is pretty high. I don't open up my life easily, I much prefer to keep a healthy distance from hurt. The idea of dropping everything (okay, nothing, I had no plans this weekend) to visit a guy I am dating in Cleveland seemed like opening myself up to allowing him into my life further.

So I thought about it.

He asked again on Thursday. He told me he'd like me to come up, would even spring for half a plane ticket if I wanted to fly in. I looked at flights, looked at prices, looked at routes.

Ultimately, flying to Cleveland from Indianapolis involved either flying to Chicago or Dallas (!?!) prior to flying to Cleveland. This further investigation highlighted my initial opinion of Cleveland -- WTF City.

Finally I made a decision. I was driving to Cleveland. Only one problem stood in my way -- a late Friday afternoon meeting with my boss. I don't need to tell you that I don't miss meetings with my boss because: a) I like having a job and b) I am fond of paychecks.

Then ... 5:15 p.m. on Thursday night, an email to reschedule my Friday meeting to Tuesday. A sign, if you will. I am supposed to go to Cleveland.

I head in on Friday morning, rearrange my day to move a lunch meeting to mid-morning, change my timesheet to reflect some hours off on Friday afternoon and get some paperwork out the door. By noon I am pulling out of the parking lot, heading out to Cleveland.

Four hours twenty minutes later, I have arrived in Cleveland.

I call JD, am asked to deliver a credit card machine cord to him at the I/X Center (the convention center/hall space about the size of downtown Indianapolis ... and I am hardly exaggerating). I head up to the room first, drop off stuff then head out to the I/X Center. See JD for a hot minute and head back to the hotel. I plan to hit the treadmill (I have been sitting for 4.5 hours), grab a shower and be ready for dinner when they (JD and some guys he is sharing a booth with, Brad and Rick) arrive after 8.

They return and we head out to a place across the street: Harry Buffalo's. Harry's is a fairly stereotypical bar/food place, similar to a BW3's if I were to make a comparison. The service started out good, but about mid-meal it went from good to shit and never returned. The company was good though and I laughed at the stories. I missed the one call I was waiting for though ... from my Sister.

The next day started early, with JD heading out to the I/X Center and me heading to the gym to get my workout in before I start my day. After the gym, I was able to talk to my Sister.

Big News: Boy Wonder asked her to marry him and she said yes. Wedding in 2009, Spring or early Summer. :) I'll be the Maid of Honor and am completely pleased to do so. I am just so happy for both of them.

So after talking to Sister, I poke around Cleveland, or at least the area I was in. I went to the mall, wandered through countless stores and just generally had a great day. On top of my mess around time, I hauled my files upstairs to the hotel room and managed to get all my files ready for the accountant. I still have data entry to do, but trust that it is no longer the hot mess it was prior to this weekend.

JD, Brad and Rick returned around 6:30 and we headed for Lone Star for supper.

I wore jeans and a v-neck shirt. Now you know me, you know the 'girls' ... but our waiter was determined to get an up close and personal look at them. He served every bit of food from my corner of the table (way in the back). He responded to my every whim but only after giving the girls an appreciative once-over. I would say 'glance' but he was wayyyyy more obvious than that. It became a table joke. I should have accepted a tip from him for as much as he stared.

This morning was pretty perfunctory ... got ready, had breakfast, got on the road. I wanted to catch up with a P.E.O. sister, Lori, but all I had was her email and Bev wasn't answering her phone. By the time Bev called me back, I was pretty much in Columbus and wasn't turning around. I got home around 2:30 this afternoon.

So yes, I traveled to Cleveland for JD. It was a wonderful weekend and I am glad I did it. I learned more about him and he learned more about me. We share many of the same wants and many of the same fears ... and the most interesting thing is that he meets so many of my 'wants' on my list. Very Very Interesting. Ask and ye shall recieve.

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