Last night's dinner with Bev and Laurie brought some news of mutual friends. One of these friends is, well, not anyone I'd consider a friend but she is more than an acquaintance and not an enemy, said the following about one of her friends:
"We were once roommates but after I moved out, got married and had kids, she didn't have time for me. It was like she was filling her life with all these activities so she didn't have to realize just how lonely she was at home alone with no one there."
After Bev told me this and how flabbergasted she was at this friend's statement, she said she didn't know what to say. I said I would have said this: "I have never felt more lonely than when I was married. When I am single, I accept that I will be alone sometimes and actually like that time. But when you are married, there is an expectation of togetherness and when that expectation is unfulfilled, you become lonely. I'd much rather be lonely and alone than lonely and married."
So I began thinking of my own happiness.
I am happy being alone. I am happy with someone. I am happy with friends. I am happy with family. I really love my life and can't complain.
When I was *most* unhappy was when I was married, was counting on my husband to be a companion to me and he always had other obligations which made me feel like I was last on his list of priorities. To this very day, the Hex emails me at least twice a month, wanting to get together for lunch, dinner, whatever. I find it endlessly fascinating that the Hex, who once had no time for his wife, now has time for his ex-wife.
So lonely to me is not alone ... it is the broken promises of commitment that are reasons to be lonely.
No comments:
Post a Comment