Inner Feelings (i.e. why I am constantly joking)

Last night JD called me out on it. He said I use my sense of humor as a shield when I don't want to talk about a subject.

He is right.

It is easy to avoid talking about your feelings when you have a sense of humor. Specifically a sarcastic sense of humor, as is pretty prevalent in my family and friends. I know that money can't buy happiness but a good sarcastic comment can elicit a ton of laughs.

I can't help it. I am a laugh junkie. I love to laugh and make people laugh. And laughing and making people laugh prevents the 'serious' conversations that have to happen from time to time.

When I spent my year in therapy while I was with the Hex, my therapist told me that my sense of humor was probably the one thing that saved my sanity. She said even in my darkest moments in therapy I was often able to make a joke to lighten my own mood, let alone the session. She was right. While Superman might have a cape, I have my sense of humor as my shield.

I've used that shield pretty effectively to prevent people from getting too close.

When JD and I were on the phone last night, he asked me some pretty direct questions about me and how I felt. I, of course, used my standard avoidance tactic. We finished our conversation and hung up. Then he text'd me. Asking similar questions. I answer back that I'd rather talk about it on the phone. He said no, I generally answer the questions by text better (true, because it is too hard to make a joke via text). I reply back that of course I do, I have time to think and respond. So this goes on and on. I am fairly certain we text'd 30 times. All sorts of questions, all sorts of answers. The crux of it is: I like him. A Whole Lot. He likes me. A Whole Lot.

Whew. *That* was scary.