Divorce has lost its cachet? Really?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/19/fashion/how-divorce-lost-its-cachet.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1

I've been reading about this article on various blogs I read -- and had to read it for myself.  The article's title, in and of itself, is fascinating to me.  I never, not once, thought divorce had any "cachet." 

A little background -- my parents split up right before I turned 13.  Sister was 9, going on 10 at the time.  By the middle of my 14th year, the divorce was final.  By the middle of my 15th year, my Dad remarried -- to Stepmom.  They have remained married for 22 years (so far).  Mom remarried (to Stepdad) nearly 8 years ago. 

A long quote from the article: "That a woman who has been divorced should feel such awkwardness and isolation seems more part of a Todd Haynes set piece than a scene from “families come in all shapes and sizes” New York, circa 2011. But divorce statistics, which have followed a steady downward slope since their 1980 peak, reveal another interesting trend: According to a 2010 study by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, only 11 percent of college-educated Americans divorce within the first 10 years today, compared with almost 37 percent for the rest of the population. " (emphasis mine)

I am in that 11 percent.  My Hex is part of that 11 percent twice over (two marriages failed within the first ten years -- I was Wife #2). 

I never thought I would ever get divorced.  I had lived through a divorce (vicariously, of course) of my parents.  I had seen how damn ugly it could get, not just between the partners involved, but to the kids.  Divorce had no "cachet" to me whatsoever.  I didn't want it.

And then I did.

It's funny (not in a ha-ha but in a sad, remorseful way) to look back at the warning signs I clearly ignored or breezed by.  His son still sleeping in Hex's bed at age 6 (nightly), the ex-wife's constant presence and influence on our marriage, my nausea the night before/morning of my marriage (vomiting at 4 a.m. for no apparent reason on your wedding day should be taken as a sign), the prenup (which ultimately became a good thing for me) discussions just two weeks before the wedding (and not before), his insistence on paying the bills (and then paying my student loan late which affected my interest rate for years), his unwillingness to seek counseling with me after his son attacked me -- leaving me bruised head to toe -- at age 8. 

After that incident, I sought counseling for me.  I sought anti-depressants for me -- I was horribly depressed.  I spent the next year in counseling, getting myself together.

What I learned -- and what seems so obvious today -- is that I can only change me, not anyone else.  So I changed my life, moved out, got divorced and slugged through the last nearly 6 years of my life.

And now, despite my airplane hangar of baggage I carry around from that marriage, I have found acceptance of me -- as I am, baggage and all -- from Hoosier Guy.

Me -- I accepted myself as I am a long time ago.  I am an imperfect being and I like me.