6 Word Fridays: If

join the fun ... http://melissacamarawilkins.com/blog/

**************************

If I had a dime for

every time someone said "I wish"

I'd be a millionaire by now.

If is just a metaphor for

"I wish" or "Perhaps" or "Maybe ..."

If this, then that, but what?

If you are waiting on a

sign from above, this is it.

If you are waiting for the

exact right moment in time, that

is now. Right now, I say!

If you are waiting for everything

to be perfect, please give up.

Life is not perfect, it isn't.

If you wonder "what if I"

then quit wondering. Explore!  Find!  Do!

************************

Thanks, Melissa, for your ever inspiring word o' the week.  This week's topic of 'if' was quite timely, as I was discussing a friend's pending move and "what if" possibilities with him. 

If, indeed.

Divorce has lost its cachet? Really?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/19/fashion/how-divorce-lost-its-cachet.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1

I've been reading about this article on various blogs I read -- and had to read it for myself.  The article's title, in and of itself, is fascinating to me.  I never, not once, thought divorce had any "cachet." 

A little background -- my parents split up right before I turned 13.  Sister was 9, going on 10 at the time.  By the middle of my 14th year, the divorce was final.  By the middle of my 15th year, my Dad remarried -- to Stepmom.  They have remained married for 22 years (so far).  Mom remarried (to Stepdad) nearly 8 years ago. 

A long quote from the article: "That a woman who has been divorced should feel such awkwardness and isolation seems more part of a Todd Haynes set piece than a scene from “families come in all shapes and sizes” New York, circa 2011. But divorce statistics, which have followed a steady downward slope since their 1980 peak, reveal another interesting trend: According to a 2010 study by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, only 11 percent of college-educated Americans divorce within the first 10 years today, compared with almost 37 percent for the rest of the population. " (emphasis mine)

I am in that 11 percent.  My Hex is part of that 11 percent twice over (two marriages failed within the first ten years -- I was Wife #2). 

I never thought I would ever get divorced.  I had lived through a divorce (vicariously, of course) of my parents.  I had seen how damn ugly it could get, not just between the partners involved, but to the kids.  Divorce had no "cachet" to me whatsoever.  I didn't want it.

And then I did.

It's funny (not in a ha-ha but in a sad, remorseful way) to look back at the warning signs I clearly ignored or breezed by.  His son still sleeping in Hex's bed at age 6 (nightly), the ex-wife's constant presence and influence on our marriage, my nausea the night before/morning of my marriage (vomiting at 4 a.m. for no apparent reason on your wedding day should be taken as a sign), the prenup (which ultimately became a good thing for me) discussions just two weeks before the wedding (and not before), his insistence on paying the bills (and then paying my student loan late which affected my interest rate for years), his unwillingness to seek counseling with me after his son attacked me -- leaving me bruised head to toe -- at age 8. 

After that incident, I sought counseling for me.  I sought anti-depressants for me -- I was horribly depressed.  I spent the next year in counseling, getting myself together.

What I learned -- and what seems so obvious today -- is that I can only change me, not anyone else.  So I changed my life, moved out, got divorced and slugged through the last nearly 6 years of my life.

And now, despite my airplane hangar of baggage I carry around from that marriage, I have found acceptance of me -- as I am, baggage and all -- from Hoosier Guy.

Me -- I accepted myself as I am a long time ago.  I am an imperfect being and I like me.

Open Rant: Rude Bicyclists

Please note, I am not referring to the vast majority of safety-conscious bicyclists who share the road with me, whether on my bicycle or while I drive.  This is an open letter to some bicyclists I see regularly.

**********************

Dear "Riders:"

Yes, I use "Riders" in quotes to emphasize what you are doing.  You are "riding," often three across, on a road at the busiest time of morning (between 8 and 8:30), in a very congested area filled with people trying to get to work, get to school or just, well, GET somewhere. 

You don't bother to stop at stop signs, you do not yield at yield signs and you apparently believe any road designated as a bicycle friendly road is for your sole use, never mind that it is actually a road to be shared. 

I am sure you could tell me many tales of how you've been abused as riders, how cars came too close, how people tried to run you off the road.  I sympathize, I do, I ride my bicycle too and for many years, it was my primary form of transportation, even on the shoulder of a 55 mph highway.  Yes, I get it, I do.

What I do not get is your insistence on behaving like a pack of wild animals on wheels.  Swerving into traffic when you want to chat with whomever is ahead of you in the bike pack, blocking traffic while traveling 2-3 abreast and disobeying nearly every traffic law known just to have your ride?  

A few helpful tips for you "riders" and the people that share the road with you.

1. Ride single file. 

2. Obey traffic signs.  Yes, This Means You.  It is extremely distracting (and dangerous, I might add) to stop at a stop sign and have a flurry of bicycle activity on my right as not one of you bothers to stop.

3. Perhaps try to ride at a less congested time.  I know this sounds crazy as all get-out, but between 8-8:30 on a college campus (as well as between 4-5) is a madhouse.  Cars, people, bicycles, motorcycles, skateboards -- you name it.  Everyone trying to get somewhere.  Iffen you would ride a little earlier (say 7:30) through campus, you'd be safer.  Even 9 would be safer.  Just a suggestion from me to you.

4. Cars would be glad to share the road with you if you would be willing to share it with them. 

5.  Keep wearing your helmets.  The more you ride the way you do, the more likely you are to need them.  Trust.

Booked the Movers.

I have been waffling, dear readers, over whether or not to hire movers.  I did when I moved here (I had my employer pay for part of the costs) and the thought of 'self-moving' the amount of stuff I own seemed like a good idea for about ten minutes.

Then reality set in.

So I looked into renting a truck, driving it with Hoosier Guy, but hiring movers on both ends to haul stuff inside.  Add price of fuel, packing supplies (moving blankets, etc), insurance, hassle -- well it seemed perfectly reasonable to let "someone else" deal with it.

So I've priced movers, several of them, in fact.  Moving prices ranged up and down, with a high of $4800 (bwahahahahaahaha cough cough gag) to a low of $2300, all supposedly guestimated with "DOT rates."  I did find a mover that I liked who was midrange in this range and he agreed to come down after we discussed the rates I'd received.  Granted, he still isn't the lowest rate, but he is much more reasonable after he sharpened his pencil a bit.  Lesson to be learned -- always negotiate.  Always.

The movers are scheduled to arrive at my house on July 22, 2011.  They will deliver on August 3rd in Indiana.  

Now I have to giddyup on getting the rest packed up. :)

Moving on ... back to Hoosierland in 41 days or so.

5.5 Weeks and Counting

I am now down to 5.5 weeks in Southwest Florida.  I've officially lived here two years now and I have a few general observations:

1.  It is hot from April 1 - November 1.  When I say "hot," I mean 90+ degrees with 90%+ humidity.  This is not exaggeration.  I will not miss the heat.

2. April 1 - November 1 is what I call "winter" in Southwest Florida.  Same premise as Indiana -- when it is cold cold cold, you stay indoors and try to stay warm.  In this area of Florida you stay indoors and try to stay cool.

3.  The Sun Is No Joke down here.  SPF 70 has been my friend.  My dermatologist says I have great skin (sunscreen sunscreen + white girl skin that doesn't tan anyway has its benefits).

4. I've had more visitors here than I ever had in Indy.  I've really loved that.

5. I've made good friends here and I'm thankful.  I will miss them all.

6. I've also been lonelier here than I have ever been -- I've had to learn to enjoy my own company more.  In Indy I had a wide circle of friends with something going on constantly -- here I have a few friends and they have limited time. 

6 Word Fridays: Kind

This week’s Six Word Fridays topic: KIND. Be kind? Of a kind? Kind of sort of? Kindly share six words with us, won’t you?  (Thanks Melissa, as ever, if you want to see more (and YOU DO) go to http://www.makingthingsup.com/)

I try to live my life
by being kind.  Being kinder than
some folks deserve, sure, I admit.

Be kind in the face of
hateful, despite unpleasantness, aside from rude.
Being kind is not being naive,
it is choosing to be nice.
Above all, it is your choice.
And rude, hateful, horrible, nasty people
won't make that choice for me.

KC ... also known as foodaloo

http://foodaloo.wordpress.com/

Dear readers, please welcome KC to the blogroll.  She's my friend here in SW Florida who is girl genius with wine, food and merriment.  She has a darling, precious little girl with her Italian husband.

Read her blog, learn something.  I do and I will.

:)

The Email That I Don't Want

Hello Athena,


I just wanted to say hello and check to see how you were doing. I have a new phone number xxx-xxx-xxxx, if you ever want to get in touch with me. I was just thinking about you today and wanted to say hello.

Talk to you soon,

Jack
*******************************************************************

For those of you playing along at home, Jack was a guy I dated a few years ago. He and I met thru a dating site, where he proclaimed to be divorced for three years, single now, no kids.

I later found out that: 1) he wasn't divorced, had never been divorced; 2) was, in fact, married to a very nice woman and 3) wasn't apparently planning on divorcing, just liked to cheat.  Oh, and his wife said they'd had a number of problems in their 12 (!) year marriage but she always hoped he'd change.

Oh Sister, Love May Be Blind, but You've Gouged Out Your EYES.

Since that time, I've not been in contact with him.  I have received a few emails from him (like the one above, received at my work email account last night), but have steadfastly ignored him. 

I will continue to do so.

'Talk to you soon' -- how's never, Jack?  Never good for you?  Good for me.

6 Word Fridays: Near

This week’s (not sunburn-related) Six Word Fridays topic: NEAR. Near and dear? Nearly there? Drawing near? (see more at www.makingthingsup.com) Thanks Melissa!



Time draws close, time draws near

to say goodbye to Southwest Florida

my home for nearly two years.

I came near to making this

my permanent home -- with real estate

purchase eminent and big plans made. 

Looking back, this near miss was

profound.  It caused me to reevaluate

what it was I wanted -- period.

Nearly a year later, I sit

amidst packing boxes, to do lists,

class schedules and a renewed purpose.

Near miss?  No -- a course correction

to the future I dreamed about

nearly a year ago this month.

Kids.

In the last 24 hours, I've heard from friends about their kids.  From the cutest video ever (!) to a horrid story of a kid who knows better and was taught better doing an unbelieveably boneheaded thing.

It makes me think.

Here I am -- 37 years of age, no kids, no prospects for kids on the horizon.  Am I missing something?  Am I truly fulfilled by my no kid life?  What will life be like when I live with Hoosier Guy and his kids?  Will that truly show me what having kids is all about or will it be just an open window into that life?

The first time I talked about having kids was with my first fiance.  He wanted kids before he was 30 (he was 6 years older than I) and I balked.  I didn't want kids at 24.

The next time I talked about kids was with the Hex.  We got married when I was 29 and we talked about having a kiddo in the next few years of our marriage, as he had a son and wanted another child.  By year two, I knew we weren't going to have kids and I wanted to revisit the notion of marriage itself.  By year three, we were in the process of divorce. 

After that episode, I pretty much resigned myself to no kids, not unless I met someone with kids or who wanted to have a kid.  I like kids, I like other people's kids, I enjoy being around kids -- I just don't have any.

It is times like the last 24 hours that I realize that parenting and children are a series of high highs and low lows, much like life itself.

I'm sure my friends who are parents will tell me I've missed out on the experience of having children.  They are right -- I have. 

What I haven't missed out on is the experience of being around children -- and for that I am profoundly grateful. 

What A Weekend.

I was a whirling dervish of activity and fun --

Friday was dinner with my extended family here -- big fun, lots of wine, good times.

Saturday was hauling furniture from A to B and from C to A, a stop at the fleamarket for some necklace restringing, making pies and veggie pizza for dinner with friends.

Sunday was lunch with friends in St. Pete, dinner with Dad, Stepmom and Stepgrandma in Gibsonton and then a return home.  Finished some laundry, got my day completed.

I was tired when I passed out last night.  Still a little tired today.  It is clear I have a lot to do and not a lot of time.

55 Days until I move.

Wow.

6 Word Fridays: Joy

Check out more at http://www.makingthingsup.com/ ...

Thanks Melissa ... this week's word is joy.

**********************************

Joy defined -- for me at least --

is laughter of a delighted child

at a new surprise, moment, thought

Joy defined for my own life

is sharing my life with friends

and family.  Taking time to truly

communicate with each other. Beyond words.

Joy is that feeling I get

when I think about my life

and how damn lucky I am

to have loads of friends, loving

family, new opportunities and life 2.0.

Postscript ... the pictures ...

My Mom and my cousin both loved the pictures they received from my box of keepsakes.  There were some from 10+ years back in there and it was good to see people as they were then.

It reminded me, though, that I have work to do personally.  This weight is not going to come off by itself, so I have to giddy'up in that department.  Told Hoosier Guy this weekend that my food intake was going to be restricted and he said he'd do whatever to support me.

I can't believe it is June 1.  Where did this year go?