The end of the "uh-oh" decade is coming. About 8 hours from now, I'll be celebrating 2010 amongst friends.
Even with the heartache I've experienced this decade, I don't know that I'd do anything differently. With each moment I grow as a person and I have to say, I like who I am more today than I did ten years ago.
In 1999, as the clock rolled to 2000, I was standing in the gravel parking lot of my uncle's bar in Fish Lake, Indiana. The nervousness of that clock rolling over -- and perhaps the issues with computers -- made me wonder if the first few moments, if not longer, of Y2K would be in darkness. I remember watching fireworks in the air (my uncle had purchased quite a few for the party) and kissing my cousin's brother-in-law, J. It wasn't a romantic kiss, it was a "hey, kissing someone at midnight is good luck and I find you attractive so what the hey" kiss. After our kiss, we both smiled, hugged each other and turned to watch the fireworks.
I never dreamed that this decade I'd lose that uncle to a senseless accident, or that I'd be married and divorced, or that I'd still not have a child. At 26, my options seemed endless and my time in grad school had just finished.
So now I look at 2010 and some of my options have limits.
I will be applying for graduate school at Florida International University for fall 2010, public administration Ph.D. It is located in Miami and will mean a revision to my work schedule, but I think it can be done.
I'm not sure if I will have children, but I hesitate to close that door yet.
I would like to get married again, to the right person. Hex was a good person, just not a good husband. This time I want both -- a good person and a good husband.
I've completely relocated my life to a different state, climate and atmosphere. I don't know what this means for my future, but I must say I love it here.
So here's to 2010 -- and a new decade. These last ten years have been hard for me -- here's to hoping the heavy lifting is lighter in the coming years.
May you, and yours, have a blessed new year. I'll be laying out my resolutions tomorrow -- I think I've finally settled on a few.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thinning the Herd
I, like many people I know, own too much stuff. As part of this week, my tasks have included getting rid of stuff I'm not using, not going to use and don't want to use. I rid myself of two large totes worth of clothing and household goods today. It felt nice to have those things out of my life.
I've been thinking about my New Year's resolutions and typically, I generally do these at my birthday. What with the upper respiratory infection/cold that would not die, I didn't focus on anything at my birthday other than survival. Now I'm starting to think a few resolutions are in order.
My NYE will involve a party at Mary and Lee's house. Today, Mary and I went to Total Wine to pick out a number of single beers for a beer tasting at Mary and Lee's. I'm making a cheese ball, bringing herring (in wine and in cream sauce) and am thinking about making some chocolate chip cookies for the kiddos. We shall see just how industrious I get in the morning.
The herring is a Swedish tradition that my family has followed for as long as I can remember. Supposedly if you eat herring before the new year, your next year will be good. I can say that last year I ate a boatload of herring and I ended up in Florida with a new job I love. Just sayin'.
So this year's herring focus will be personal-life related, with hopes to meet someone special in the new year. I'll keep you posted on how that goes, as always.
I've been thinking about my New Year's resolutions and typically, I generally do these at my birthday. What with the upper respiratory infection/cold that would not die, I didn't focus on anything at my birthday other than survival. Now I'm starting to think a few resolutions are in order.
My NYE will involve a party at Mary and Lee's house. Today, Mary and I went to Total Wine to pick out a number of single beers for a beer tasting at Mary and Lee's. I'm making a cheese ball, bringing herring (in wine and in cream sauce) and am thinking about making some chocolate chip cookies for the kiddos. We shall see just how industrious I get in the morning.
The herring is a Swedish tradition that my family has followed for as long as I can remember. Supposedly if you eat herring before the new year, your next year will be good. I can say that last year I ate a boatload of herring and I ended up in Florida with a new job I love. Just sayin'.
So this year's herring focus will be personal-life related, with hopes to meet someone special in the new year. I'll keep you posted on how that goes, as always.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tasks off the list
I've been working on my dining room today, getting stuff out, getting stuff organized and even hauling some recyclables down to the trash. Managed to pull out a couple of totes worth of "stuff" for Goodwill/Salvation Army/Whatever.
I had a pretty sizable bout of insomnia last night, was up from 12-3 a.m., just staring at the ceiling, thinking about my life and the coming year.
A couple of thoughts for this blog --
I heard the '00 years referred to as the "uh-ohs" the other day on the news and thought about how true that has been in my life.
Since 2000, I have:
Met a husband, married a husband and divorced a husband.
Moved five times
Changed jobs seven times (!)
Started this blog
Kept the same cell phone number all this time
Lost numerous family members and friends to various catastrophes and tragedies
I think 2010 is the start of something new for me. I wonder where I'll be in 2020 -- ???
I had a pretty sizable bout of insomnia last night, was up from 12-3 a.m., just staring at the ceiling, thinking about my life and the coming year.
A couple of thoughts for this blog --
I heard the '00 years referred to as the "uh-ohs" the other day on the news and thought about how true that has been in my life.
Since 2000, I have:
Met a husband, married a husband and divorced a husband.
Moved five times
Changed jobs seven times (!)
Started this blog
Kept the same cell phone number all this time
Lost numerous family members and friends to various catastrophes and tragedies
I think 2010 is the start of something new for me. I wonder where I'll be in 2020 -- ???
Monday, December 28, 2009
Paradise revisited.
I needed to keep reminding myself today just how lucky I am to live here. After 5 days of no sun (okay, it was light out but no direct warm sunshine), I was feeling about as down as I can get. I just wanted to curl up into my bed and sleep each day away. Not exactly helpful when I'm on a five day mission to see as many friends and relatives as possible.
I wake up today and the first thing I notice is the sun, peeking through the light cloud cover, welcoming me back home. The kitties were, of course, superglued to my sides in bed last night and today has been no exception to that rule. They clearly missed me and neither have willingly let me out of their sight today for any length of time at all. Even in my shower, Cleo came in between the two curtains and walked along the tub edge, just like she did when she was a kitten.
Caesar is beside me now, to my left, with his front paws wrapped around my left elbow, leaving me just enough space to type as needed. The purring has been unrelenting. Cleo has positioned herself between my knees on the bed, every now and again putting a paw on my knee as if to reassure herself that I am still here. It is these moments where I want to show all the people that don't like cats how sweet they can be.
I spent today getting some laundry done, tried to get a leg wax and had wine at Bistro 41 with Mary and KC. KC, for those that don't know her, is in wine sales and has been kind enough to hook me up for wine tastings all over Lee and Collier counties.
KC also had some interesting observations on Rugby -- which I found highly fascinating. There is nothing like a disinterested third party observation of your dates to reveal insight. Thanks, KC, you rock.
We discussed wine, sunshine, happiness and joy, among many topics. So looking forward to NYE at Mary and Lee's house -- am working on a few goodies to bring. Then on NYD, Mary and Lee's oldest has her 15th bday and I've worked a bit on a gift for that.
As for the failed leg wax -- one would think after a week of full-on no-shave madness my leg hair would be long enough but nay, it wasn't. They told me to wait another week. Oh Sweet Goodness, how am I gonna survive another week with leg hair like this? I mean, really? It hasn't been this long since I was 12. I may give in and give up on the idea of waxing. I don't want to, but I don't have another week in the frozen tundra of Indiana to let it grow out unnoticed. Right now I feel weird -- feeling hair on a surface that hasn't had hair of any length on it for 24 years or so does make for some strange sensations.
Tomorrow is work around the house, then potential wine with Mary and her mom. I think I'm getting used to this day off stuff.
I wake up today and the first thing I notice is the sun, peeking through the light cloud cover, welcoming me back home. The kitties were, of course, superglued to my sides in bed last night and today has been no exception to that rule. They clearly missed me and neither have willingly let me out of their sight today for any length of time at all. Even in my shower, Cleo came in between the two curtains and walked along the tub edge, just like she did when she was a kitten.
Caesar is beside me now, to my left, with his front paws wrapped around my left elbow, leaving me just enough space to type as needed. The purring has been unrelenting. Cleo has positioned herself between my knees on the bed, every now and again putting a paw on my knee as if to reassure herself that I am still here. It is these moments where I want to show all the people that don't like cats how sweet they can be.
I spent today getting some laundry done, tried to get a leg wax and had wine at Bistro 41 with Mary and KC. KC, for those that don't know her, is in wine sales and has been kind enough to hook me up for wine tastings all over Lee and Collier counties.
KC also had some interesting observations on Rugby -- which I found highly fascinating. There is nothing like a disinterested third party observation of your dates to reveal insight. Thanks, KC, you rock.
We discussed wine, sunshine, happiness and joy, among many topics. So looking forward to NYE at Mary and Lee's house -- am working on a few goodies to bring. Then on NYD, Mary and Lee's oldest has her 15th bday and I've worked a bit on a gift for that.
As for the failed leg wax -- one would think after a week of full-on no-shave madness my leg hair would be long enough but nay, it wasn't. They told me to wait another week. Oh Sweet Goodness, how am I gonna survive another week with leg hair like this? I mean, really? It hasn't been this long since I was 12. I may give in and give up on the idea of waxing. I don't want to, but I don't have another week in the frozen tundra of Indiana to let it grow out unnoticed. Right now I feel weird -- feeling hair on a surface that hasn't had hair of any length on it for 24 years or so does make for some strange sensations.
Tomorrow is work around the house, then potential wine with Mary and her mom. I think I'm getting used to this day off stuff.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Return to Paradise
Had great fun in Indy/La Porte/Michigan City/South Bend/Carmel ... etc etc. I was on the road nearly every day seeing family and friends, just glad to return to my peaceful Florida home.
Was able to spend time with so many people in such a short amount of time is nothing short of a miracle. Next trip I believe I'll stay "put" somewhere and do my visiting from there. I'm exhausted and talked out. May become mute for a day or so.
Received some unexpected Christmas wishes from Tony ... good to hear from him.
Thinking about the upcoming week -- lots to do with laundry (boatloads), house organization (double boatloads) and tax preparation on the list for the coming week. Seeing sunshine will be the highlight of my return after 5 days of no sun, only snow, sleet, rain and gloom.
I miss my kitties.
Miss Mary, Lee and the kiddos. Miss my "home" in Florida -- growing more and more like home each day.
Time to return to paradise. I cannot wait.
Was able to spend time with so many people in such a short amount of time is nothing short of a miracle. Next trip I believe I'll stay "put" somewhere and do my visiting from there. I'm exhausted and talked out. May become mute for a day or so.
Received some unexpected Christmas wishes from Tony ... good to hear from him.
Thinking about the upcoming week -- lots to do with laundry (boatloads), house organization (double boatloads) and tax preparation on the list for the coming week. Seeing sunshine will be the highlight of my return after 5 days of no sun, only snow, sleet, rain and gloom.
I miss my kitties.
Miss Mary, Lee and the kiddos. Miss my "home" in Florida -- growing more and more like home each day.
Time to return to paradise. I cannot wait.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Christmas Day
I can say without reservation that today was the nicest Christmas Day I have ever had as an adult.
Typically my Christmas Day would revolve around visiting various family and friends (all lovely and a wonderful time) but never really staying put in one place for any length of time. Since yesterday (C.E.) around 4 o'clock, I've been in Indy (Carmel, specifically) hanging out at Sister and Boy Wonder's house.
Some highlights from today:
Sister got Boy Wonder an ESPN Sports Center ornament that he absolutely loves. It plays the theme music and she didn't know it played music at all. This was played over and over as we opened gifts and became a source of great amusement.
Boy Wonder's Brother opened a gift today with the announcement: "I love it, what is it?" We have laughed over this repeatedly all day.
Sister received beautiful jewelry from Boy Wonder for Christmas.
Boy Wonder received Superman PJs which were promptly modeled for all.
Mom loved her computer. She hugged it about ten times at least.
I received a gift that is priceless beyond measure. Mom passed along to me her mom's cookbook, filled with her notes on various receipes and whatnot. I cried as I opened it, as the gift was marked from "Grandma Lemons" which has been 18 years since I received a gift from her (She passed 17 years ago, October). I still tear up thinking of it.
It was a wonderful day.
Tomorrow is more family and a trip to Target with CCM. Cannot wait to see her!
Typically my Christmas Day would revolve around visiting various family and friends (all lovely and a wonderful time) but never really staying put in one place for any length of time. Since yesterday (C.E.) around 4 o'clock, I've been in Indy (Carmel, specifically) hanging out at Sister and Boy Wonder's house.
Some highlights from today:
Sister got Boy Wonder an ESPN Sports Center ornament that he absolutely loves. It plays the theme music and she didn't know it played music at all. This was played over and over as we opened gifts and became a source of great amusement.
Boy Wonder's Brother opened a gift today with the announcement: "I love it, what is it?" We have laughed over this repeatedly all day.
Sister received beautiful jewelry from Boy Wonder for Christmas.
Boy Wonder received Superman PJs which were promptly modeled for all.
Mom loved her computer. She hugged it about ten times at least.
I received a gift that is priceless beyond measure. Mom passed along to me her mom's cookbook, filled with her notes on various receipes and whatnot. I cried as I opened it, as the gift was marked from "Grandma Lemons" which has been 18 years since I received a gift from her (She passed 17 years ago, October). I still tear up thinking of it.
It was a wonderful day.
Tomorrow is more family and a trip to Target with CCM. Cannot wait to see her!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christmas Eve
Sitting in Sister and Boy Wonder's quiet house, looking at the glow of the trees as I begin to nestle in for a few days.
The past few days have been a whirlwind, what with family and friend visits each day. I've been really blessed to spend quality visit time with all involved and have enjoyed seeing everyone so much. Some highlights of the trip have included seeing young Nathan walk so steadily and getting the sweetest little hug ever at the end of my visit there today. Just thinking of it brings tears to my eyes ... it was super sweet. Having Madison call me "Aunt Athena" today instead of "Layla" (her previous nickname for me) was lovely, and hearing her speech improved so much over a few months is just amazing.
Time with my cousin K and her four kiddos was wonderful as always. The oldest is 17 now, super tall, so handsome and seems to have a real plan for his life in place. He wants to be a teacher or work with computers -- while the 14 year olds are consumed by girls, working out and video games. The youngest, Miss E, is 8 going on 18, but so lovable and sweet. I hugged on her incessantly ... I miss her so much.
Sharkboy, ever the card, amused me by asking me last night if I was going to sleep with his mom and dad that night. He had noted that it was slick out (ice storm) and apparently thought I ought to stay the night. His question brought gales of laughter for all the right reasons and I must say I am still giggling about it today.
As for friends, I was able to see the Sharkfamily, the Electrician and Ark. All good visits, all just what I needed. Thanks Sharkfamily, for delicious pizza and beer. Long Live Cow and Cocoa Stout. I will find the Yuengling Black and Tan in Florida and have it ready for your arrival, Jay. Can't wait to see you in January.
I also spent some time with Grandma -- age 91 this year. Each time I see her I think she's littler and more frail, but she keeps plugging along. She's made of tough stuff, that one.
The nicest surprise I received though was a call from Mary and Lee's kiddos wishing me a Merry Christmas and telling me that they loved me. I miss you guys. Looking forward to seeing you all soon.
******************
I'm not sure what this all means for the new year. All these wonderful kids, all so important in my life. It makes that biological clock tick a little louder, a little stronger than I expected it to, that is for sure. Makes me rethink the whole "giving up on having kids" thing ... especially after this morning's discussion with Ark. So many things to think about ... and nothin' but my time to do it.
The past few days have been a whirlwind, what with family and friend visits each day. I've been really blessed to spend quality visit time with all involved and have enjoyed seeing everyone so much. Some highlights of the trip have included seeing young Nathan walk so steadily and getting the sweetest little hug ever at the end of my visit there today. Just thinking of it brings tears to my eyes ... it was super sweet. Having Madison call me "Aunt Athena" today instead of "Layla" (her previous nickname for me) was lovely, and hearing her speech improved so much over a few months is just amazing.
Time with my cousin K and her four kiddos was wonderful as always. The oldest is 17 now, super tall, so handsome and seems to have a real plan for his life in place. He wants to be a teacher or work with computers -- while the 14 year olds are consumed by girls, working out and video games. The youngest, Miss E, is 8 going on 18, but so lovable and sweet. I hugged on her incessantly ... I miss her so much.
Sharkboy, ever the card, amused me by asking me last night if I was going to sleep with his mom and dad that night. He had noted that it was slick out (ice storm) and apparently thought I ought to stay the night. His question brought gales of laughter for all the right reasons and I must say I am still giggling about it today.
As for friends, I was able to see the Sharkfamily, the Electrician and Ark. All good visits, all just what I needed. Thanks Sharkfamily, for delicious pizza and beer. Long Live Cow and Cocoa Stout. I will find the Yuengling Black and Tan in Florida and have it ready for your arrival, Jay. Can't wait to see you in January.
I also spent some time with Grandma -- age 91 this year. Each time I see her I think she's littler and more frail, but she keeps plugging along. She's made of tough stuff, that one.
The nicest surprise I received though was a call from Mary and Lee's kiddos wishing me a Merry Christmas and telling me that they loved me. I miss you guys. Looking forward to seeing you all soon.
******************
I'm not sure what this all means for the new year. All these wonderful kids, all so important in my life. It makes that biological clock tick a little louder, a little stronger than I expected it to, that is for sure. Makes me rethink the whole "giving up on having kids" thing ... especially after this morning's discussion with Ark. So many things to think about ... and nothin' but my time to do it.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Day 1, Christmas Break
Yes, it is official. I am on Christmas Break.
I've never, in all my years of working, taken two weeks off. Even in HS, I always worked during Christmas Break, so this will be the first Christmas Break I've had since, well, I'm thinking 9th grade or so? Seriously, can it be that long?
As I lie here in the bed, listening to Caesar snore (yes, my kitty snores), I'm thinking of all the things I'm thankful for this holiday season.
I'm thankful for these two weeks off, so I can visit friends and family without worry and concern about what I'm missing at work. The answer is: nothing. I am missing nothing at work. This is a slice of heaven.
I'm thankful for the funds I saved to go back home and enjoy myself. I'm not wealthy by any means but I have enough to go and enjoy my stay.
I'm thankful for my family and friends -- I'm so richly blessed with some of the coolest people around.
I'm thankful for the Christmas bonus I received from work. In these times of economic hardship, I'm thankful that my employer is frugal enough to ensure my holidays are blessed with this economic good fortune.
****************
This weekend was wonderful. It wasn't anything like I'd planned earlier in the week, when I still believed that Rugby and I would be spending the weekend together. It ended up better though ... because:
I was able to spend quality time with Mary, Lee and kiddos, not to mention Mary's parents.
I found the PERFECT patio furniture on clearance at Target and bought it, assembled it and napped on it with the kittens yesterday afternoon.
I finished quite a few errands, which was a huge relief.
I was able to give a four year old and nine year old huge BIG fun at the dollar store -- and enjoyed every minute of it.
I used my down comforter on the bed last night and was happy, cozy and warm ... with aforementioned snoring kittens surrounding me.
Life is good.
I've never, in all my years of working, taken two weeks off. Even in HS, I always worked during Christmas Break, so this will be the first Christmas Break I've had since, well, I'm thinking 9th grade or so? Seriously, can it be that long?
As I lie here in the bed, listening to Caesar snore (yes, my kitty snores), I'm thinking of all the things I'm thankful for this holiday season.
I'm thankful for these two weeks off, so I can visit friends and family without worry and concern about what I'm missing at work. The answer is: nothing. I am missing nothing at work. This is a slice of heaven.
I'm thankful for the funds I saved to go back home and enjoy myself. I'm not wealthy by any means but I have enough to go and enjoy my stay.
I'm thankful for my family and friends -- I'm so richly blessed with some of the coolest people around.
I'm thankful for the Christmas bonus I received from work. In these times of economic hardship, I'm thankful that my employer is frugal enough to ensure my holidays are blessed with this economic good fortune.
****************
This weekend was wonderful. It wasn't anything like I'd planned earlier in the week, when I still believed that Rugby and I would be spending the weekend together. It ended up better though ... because:
I was able to spend quality time with Mary, Lee and kiddos, not to mention Mary's parents.
I found the PERFECT patio furniture on clearance at Target and bought it, assembled it and napped on it with the kittens yesterday afternoon.
I finished quite a few errands, which was a huge relief.
I was able to give a four year old and nine year old huge BIG fun at the dollar store -- and enjoyed every minute of it.
I used my down comforter on the bed last night and was happy, cozy and warm ... with aforementioned snoring kittens surrounding me.
Life is good.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
A good night ...
Tonight was fabulous for three reasons:
1) I was able to see a friend from Cottey and her husband for dinner tonight. They've been working in the area for a few weeks but we've had clashing schedules. Luckily enough, tonight worked and it was wonderful.
2) My cousin K was "pinned" tonight as a nurse. After a few long years of nursing school and not just a few tears, she graduated tonight. My heart is so full for her. Tomorrow would have been her Dad's birthday and I know he is looking down on her with such pride.
3) On the way home from dinner, Mary's kids (2 out of the 4, anyway) were texting me on the ride home. They are fabulous kiddos and I love hearing from them. Cannot wait to see them on Saturday.
1) I was able to see a friend from Cottey and her husband for dinner tonight. They've been working in the area for a few weeks but we've had clashing schedules. Luckily enough, tonight worked and it was wonderful.
2) My cousin K was "pinned" tonight as a nurse. After a few long years of nursing school and not just a few tears, she graduated tonight. My heart is so full for her. Tomorrow would have been her Dad's birthday and I know he is looking down on her with such pride.
3) On the way home from dinner, Mary's kids (2 out of the 4, anyway) were texting me on the ride home. They are fabulous kiddos and I love hearing from them. Cannot wait to see them on Saturday.
More thoughts ...
Last night was good. Went out for a beverage after work with Mary and Lee to celebrate a recent, much-hoped-for, unexpected blessing. It's not my place to say what it is (as it is personal to them) but suffice to say I was delighted to share in the toasting to good fortune.
The original plan was for Mary and I to have a beverage to alleviate my sore heart. As I said to Lee last night, it was much nicer to toast to joy than pain.
I've been thinking about this whole thing with Rugby. I guess I'm most upset with myself, as I let myself fall for someone so clearly undeserving of me. I was drawn into his life because I found him interesting, funny, attractive and different from what I've dated before. I thought he was as into me as I was to him ... and perhaps, at one time, that was true. I'll never know. What I do know is this: although I am hurt by his actions, I cannot change them/nor him, so I must accept what is and move on.
The original plan was for Mary and I to have a beverage to alleviate my sore heart. As I said to Lee last night, it was much nicer to toast to joy than pain.
I've been thinking about this whole thing with Rugby. I guess I'm most upset with myself, as I let myself fall for someone so clearly undeserving of me. I was drawn into his life because I found him interesting, funny, attractive and different from what I've dated before. I thought he was as into me as I was to him ... and perhaps, at one time, that was true. I'll never know. What I do know is this: although I am hurt by his actions, I cannot change them/nor him, so I must accept what is and move on.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Anger, disappointment, frustration
There are only a few things in this world which make me so angry I could become a quivering mass of rage.
One is lying.
Lying, to me, just says that you believe I am stupid enough to believe whatever story you concoct. Whether it be a small lie or big, I'd much rather have the unvarnished truth than try to figure out what is real and what is not.
Such is the case with a guy who will not be named. Suffice to say that I pulled the truth out of him and then discovered later that the truth had been around much longer than what was stated. Then I find that he seems to be "congratulating" himself on telling the truth to me. Fact: I asked, he didn't offer.
So I'm stone cold pissed. So pissed I no longer want this person in my life.
I give trust at 100% from the get-go. However, once trust is lost (and believe me, his is lost), I don't grant it back easily.
One is lying.
Lying, to me, just says that you believe I am stupid enough to believe whatever story you concoct. Whether it be a small lie or big, I'd much rather have the unvarnished truth than try to figure out what is real and what is not.
Such is the case with a guy who will not be named. Suffice to say that I pulled the truth out of him and then discovered later that the truth had been around much longer than what was stated. Then I find that he seems to be "congratulating" himself on telling the truth to me. Fact: I asked, he didn't offer.
So I'm stone cold pissed. So pissed I no longer want this person in my life.
I give trust at 100% from the get-go. However, once trust is lost (and believe me, his is lost), I don't grant it back easily.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
So many thoughts ... swirling.
Ever had a few days of ass-kicking in a row? This week has been just that -- kicking my ass, taking my name and leaving me a quivering mess of emotions. All that has happened is not for public consumption, but suffice to say three separate events in three days have left me confused, hurt, troubled, sad and more than a little lonely.
The good news of late? Christmas break is just a few very short days away and soon I will have two weeks of thoughtful, restful time. I need it. I'm ready for it.
That and a text tonight from the Sharkfamily speaking of my favorite beer and a date for consumption of said beer set -- well, that was just what I needed. Refocus on the positive, accept life for what it is and face tomorrow with a heart filled with hope.
The Christmas week is looking a lot like this:
Dec 19 -- Beach, errands
Dec 20 -- trip to Stans? or pool
Dec 21 -- errands, haircut, pack
Dec 22 -- leave FM, arrive Indy, p/u rental car, drive to LP and MC. Visit with family/friends.
Dec 23 -- more family/friend visits in LP, beverages with Sharkfamily at dinner
Dec 24 -- bfast with my friend Ark, return to Indy, see Marine for his bday, family time
Dec 25 -- family time
Dec 26 -- shopping in a.m. with CCM, then family time
Dec 27 -- more family time, return to FM
Dec 28 - Jan 3 -- house stuff, tax stuff, food & beverages with friends.
Only a few more days ... then two weeks. I am ready. This has been one hell of a semester.
The good news of late? Christmas break is just a few very short days away and soon I will have two weeks of thoughtful, restful time. I need it. I'm ready for it.
That and a text tonight from the Sharkfamily speaking of my favorite beer and a date for consumption of said beer set -- well, that was just what I needed. Refocus on the positive, accept life for what it is and face tomorrow with a heart filled with hope.
The Christmas week is looking a lot like this:
Dec 19 -- Beach, errands
Dec 20 -- trip to Stans? or pool
Dec 21 -- errands, haircut, pack
Dec 22 -- leave FM, arrive Indy, p/u rental car, drive to LP and MC. Visit with family/friends.
Dec 23 -- more family/friend visits in LP, beverages with Sharkfamily at dinner
Dec 24 -- bfast with my friend Ark, return to Indy, see Marine for his bday, family time
Dec 25 -- family time
Dec 26 -- shopping in a.m. with CCM, then family time
Dec 27 -- more family time, return to FM
Dec 28 - Jan 3 -- house stuff, tax stuff, food & beverages with friends.
Only a few more days ... then two weeks. I am ready. This has been one hell of a semester.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Back at it.
Another weekend gone ... Christmas lurking just around the corner.
Sister and Boy Wonder were here this weekend. We went to the beach and saw family. Introduced them to Rugby at dinner on Friday.
I'm ready for Christmas break. I'm exhausted, weary, bone-tired, all the words that adequately and accurately describe being as close to mental-death as possible. In the past three months, I've put together nearly $5M worth of grant funding and now my brain is all done. Ready for two weeks off.
Yes, dear friends, I've landed in the lap of luxury. This fantastic college that I work for closes for two weeks at Christmas. Closes. Yes, you heard me right.
I will be visiting friends and family the first week and the second week is devoted to getting my taxes in order, cleaning out boxes and hauling the last of the "stuff" to the storage bin.
Sister and Boy Wonder were here this weekend. We went to the beach and saw family. Introduced them to Rugby at dinner on Friday.
I'm ready for Christmas break. I'm exhausted, weary, bone-tired, all the words that adequately and accurately describe being as close to mental-death as possible. In the past three months, I've put together nearly $5M worth of grant funding and now my brain is all done. Ready for two weeks off.
Yes, dear friends, I've landed in the lap of luxury. This fantastic college that I work for closes for two weeks at Christmas. Closes. Yes, you heard me right.
I will be visiting friends and family the first week and the second week is devoted to getting my taxes in order, cleaning out boxes and hauling the last of the "stuff" to the storage bin.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Mountain will have to come to Mohammed
I'm sure all of you have heard the tale of Mohammed and the Mountain. I related this to my Mom this morning as we were talking. She was telling me about the snow that was on the ground, the sleet that was coming down and the general icyness of the roads. You might imagine that none of this appealed to me and you would be right.
I told her that Mohammed had come to the Mountain enough times, it was time for the Mountain to come to Mohammed. Also, I wasn't moving back to that hot, err, cold mess of weather.
Mom has lived in La Porte County her entire life. I cannot even fathom it -- but then again I've lived in five counties in my entire life (La Porte, Vernon (MO), Marion (IN), Hamilton (IN) and Lee (FL)) -- and too damn many addresses to count rationally.
***********
Sister and Boy Wonder arrive on Thursday. I can hardly contain my joy, cannot wait to see them both. I saw them last at the end of September when I was home for Lu. Friday will likely be spent poolside, followed by dinner with Rugby, then Saturday -- Bradenton Beach, followed by a trip to Dad's to celebrate his birthday. Sunday -- the birthday celebration, then return to FM.
I've made Boy Wonder's favorite cookies for him, as well as goodies for Sister too. I need to get them an Edison State tote to take home for all the goodies. :)
Rugby and I have had a couple more dates ... the more I get to know him, the more I like him. He's a good egg.
I told her that Mohammed had come to the Mountain enough times, it was time for the Mountain to come to Mohammed. Also, I wasn't moving back to that hot, err, cold mess of weather.
Mom has lived in La Porte County her entire life. I cannot even fathom it -- but then again I've lived in five counties in my entire life (La Porte, Vernon (MO), Marion (IN), Hamilton (IN) and Lee (FL)) -- and too damn many addresses to count rationally.
***********
Sister and Boy Wonder arrive on Thursday. I can hardly contain my joy, cannot wait to see them both. I saw them last at the end of September when I was home for Lu. Friday will likely be spent poolside, followed by dinner with Rugby, then Saturday -- Bradenton Beach, followed by a trip to Dad's to celebrate his birthday. Sunday -- the birthday celebration, then return to FM.
I've made Boy Wonder's favorite cookies for him, as well as goodies for Sister too. I need to get them an Edison State tote to take home for all the goodies. :)
Rugby and I have had a couple more dates ... the more I get to know him, the more I like him. He's a good egg.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Dating ...
Dates 7, 8, 9 and 10 took place this weekend. Date 7 was talking over Dairy Queen after he'd had a hard day, Date 8 was another wine tasting, followed by dinner on Thursday, Date 9 was a trip to the Sandy Parrot/Blu Sushi for dinner/drinks with Mary, Lee and Mary's parents. Date 10 involved seeing a movie (Brothers) and having pizza.
A little about him ... 37, father of two sons (10 & 14), lives in Cape Coral (the town next to Ft. Myers), works as tech support for the local internet/phone company. Smart, funny, interesting. Shall be referred to as "Rugby" for the purposes of this blog.
It is interesting ... dating. After things with Jason and I ended this summer, I turned inward, a bit, trying to figure out what it is I want. It wasn't an acrimonous ending, it was just clear that he was in Indy (and staying there) and I was in Florida (and staying here), therefore making dating a challenge and not just kinda. Add to the fact that it was clear it wasn't "going anywhere" period and there was no real reason to hang on, except, perhaps for me not wanting to hurt him. I know *I* was hurt but realized the inevitable and as such, took some time to think it all through.
It is four years this month that my divorce was final. It seems like yesterday in some ways, as I remember filing the paperwork so clearly ... and receiving it in the mail even more clearly. It was right at that time that I bought my bed (love it still ...) and my bedroom stuff, as I had been making do with the twin beds I had from the guest room of my old house. I remember bringing in the mail (I was in La Porte at the time), sitting on my chair and opening it all ... when the last letter was from the Marion County Clerk. It was obvious what it was, and I'll never forget my hands shaking as I opened the official notification that my marriage was over. I had gotten my bed a few days before and immediately crawled into it, boo hoo'ing into the sheets over what might have been and what never would be. I just remember lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, watching the sun's shadow trace over the ceiling, then the walls, then to darkness.
So dating is a challenge for me. I want to be strong, be brave, be willing to give and receive love in my life, but ... I remain scared of that bone-wrenching, gut-twisting, soul-killing pain I felt as all ended with Hex.
I remain focused on the positive with Rugby. He does wonderful things for me (always opening my car door for me, and closing it too) and is an interesting person to get to know. I'll keep you posted, as always.
A little about him ... 37, father of two sons (10 & 14), lives in Cape Coral (the town next to Ft. Myers), works as tech support for the local internet/phone company. Smart, funny, interesting. Shall be referred to as "Rugby" for the purposes of this blog.
It is interesting ... dating. After things with Jason and I ended this summer, I turned inward, a bit, trying to figure out what it is I want. It wasn't an acrimonous ending, it was just clear that he was in Indy (and staying there) and I was in Florida (and staying here), therefore making dating a challenge and not just kinda. Add to the fact that it was clear it wasn't "going anywhere" period and there was no real reason to hang on, except, perhaps for me not wanting to hurt him. I know *I* was hurt but realized the inevitable and as such, took some time to think it all through.
It is four years this month that my divorce was final. It seems like yesterday in some ways, as I remember filing the paperwork so clearly ... and receiving it in the mail even more clearly. It was right at that time that I bought my bed (love it still ...) and my bedroom stuff, as I had been making do with the twin beds I had from the guest room of my old house. I remember bringing in the mail (I was in La Porte at the time), sitting on my chair and opening it all ... when the last letter was from the Marion County Clerk. It was obvious what it was, and I'll never forget my hands shaking as I opened the official notification that my marriage was over. I had gotten my bed a few days before and immediately crawled into it, boo hoo'ing into the sheets over what might have been and what never would be. I just remember lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, watching the sun's shadow trace over the ceiling, then the walls, then to darkness.
So dating is a challenge for me. I want to be strong, be brave, be willing to give and receive love in my life, but ... I remain scared of that bone-wrenching, gut-twisting, soul-killing pain I felt as all ended with Hex.
I remain focused on the positive with Rugby. He does wonderful things for me (always opening my car door for me, and closing it too) and is an interesting person to get to know. I'll keep you posted, as always.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Mildly cranky with a side of pissy.
Ever wake up some mornings and just feel, well, pissy? Pissy at the world, pissy at yourself, pissy at your clothes, just in general piss-tacular?
That is me today.
I am planning to go to graduation here (a couple of coworkers are graduating and I am being supportive) and as such, had to go get measured for my cap and gown. I pray I don't look like a dork. But I will. Because my sash/tassel will be turquoise. Yeah, SPEA!
I have a date tonight with a new guy. Date 6. Yes, I am counting them. All have been good dates so far, he is quite a gentleman and makes me laugh. I am hoping he brings me out of my funk. We are going to a wine tasting tonight that a friend is hosting. Should make for good discussion fodder on the way home.
I'm kinda tired, feel bloated and want to just lie under my desk and take a nap. That appears to be frowned upon though.
Harumph.
That is me today.
I am planning to go to graduation here (a couple of coworkers are graduating and I am being supportive) and as such, had to go get measured for my cap and gown. I pray I don't look like a dork. But I will. Because my sash/tassel will be turquoise. Yeah, SPEA!
I have a date tonight with a new guy. Date 6. Yes, I am counting them. All have been good dates so far, he is quite a gentleman and makes me laugh. I am hoping he brings me out of my funk. We are going to a wine tasting tonight that a friend is hosting. Should make for good discussion fodder on the way home.
I'm kinda tired, feel bloated and want to just lie under my desk and take a nap. That appears to be frowned upon though.
Harumph.
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