Dating ...

Dates 7, 8, 9 and 10 took place this weekend. Date 7 was talking over Dairy Queen after he'd had a hard day, Date 8 was another wine tasting, followed by dinner on Thursday, Date 9 was a trip to the Sandy Parrot/Blu Sushi for dinner/drinks with Mary, Lee and Mary's parents. Date 10 involved seeing a movie (Brothers) and having pizza.

A little about him ... 37, father of two sons (10 & 14), lives in Cape Coral (the town next to Ft. Myers), works as tech support for the local internet/phone company. Smart, funny, interesting. Shall be referred to as "Rugby" for the purposes of this blog.

It is interesting ... dating. After things with Jason and I ended this summer, I turned inward, a bit, trying to figure out what it is I want. It wasn't an acrimonous ending, it was just clear that he was in Indy (and staying there) and I was in Florida (and staying here), therefore making dating a challenge and not just kinda. Add to the fact that it was clear it wasn't "going anywhere" period and there was no real reason to hang on, except, perhaps for me not wanting to hurt him. I know *I* was hurt but realized the inevitable and as such, took some time to think it all through.

It is four years this month that my divorce was final. It seems like yesterday in some ways, as I remember filing the paperwork so clearly ... and receiving it in the mail even more clearly. It was right at that time that I bought my bed (love it still ...) and my bedroom stuff, as I had been making do with the twin beds I had from the guest room of my old house. I remember bringing in the mail (I was in La Porte at the time), sitting on my chair and opening it all ... when the last letter was from the Marion County Clerk. It was obvious what it was, and I'll never forget my hands shaking as I opened the official notification that my marriage was over. I had gotten my bed a few days before and immediately crawled into it, boo hoo'ing into the sheets over what might have been and what never would be. I just remember lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, watching the sun's shadow trace over the ceiling, then the walls, then to darkness.

So dating is a challenge for me. I want to be strong, be brave, be willing to give and receive love in my life, but ... I remain scared of that bone-wrenching, gut-twisting, soul-killing pain I felt as all ended with Hex.

I remain focused on the positive with Rugby. He does wonderful things for me (always opening my car door for me, and closing it too) and is an interesting person to get to know. I'll keep you posted, as always.