Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Internships for Drivers and Snow Plow Drivers

I know, I know, what I'm about to bring up is controversial. I admit this, I take responsibility yet it must be said.

Drivers and Snow Plow Drivers in Indianapolis need internships in driving.

These internships should be offered in the Rolling Prairie/New Carlisle* area of the state (where I grew up) and should take place for three months -- January, February and March, each year. Those that return to Indianapolis without totaling their car or causing an accident resulting in another's car being totaled will be granted a 'free pass' from us northerners on winter driving. Those that do not will be sent on subsequent internships until these driving skills can be developed. Oh, and plenty of pointing, laughing and petty snark until the internship is completed and passed.

The Course List will look something like this:

1. Driving on snow -- not the same as driving in sunshine and 80 degrees.
2. Braking randomly will not win you any friends.
3. Perfecting the 'slide' -- how to turn away from danger.
4. Driving like a stupid fuck only makes people want to see you crash.
5. When to stay home -- and when to drive.

I imagine there are other courses which would be suitable as well. Do you have any you'd like to add? What are they?

* = officially designated as the Snow Capitol of Indiana by the Indianapolis Star a few weeks ago.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

How about...

How to tell if your vehicle REALLY is a SUV... Telling the which oversized vehicles are 4x4s and which are just oversized luxury cars.

Jay said...

They must have started these classes because we have a lot of what to appear to be rookie drivers out in this wonderful weather. I won't even start about how they drive around fire trucks.

Aleea said...

Liam: It is simple. The people with 4 wheel drive are staying home because the weather sucks.

Jay: I am sorry, Jay, but Northern Indiana was the only place I could think of for proper defensive driving skills adjustments. If you want to smack their windshield with the end of a firehose, I won't tell.