I think I burst a blood vessel in my head.

In many a blog post I've detailed my family. My Mom and Sister = relatively sane, the rest = questionable.

Tonight was an overall pleasant night, as I had dinner with Maestro at Bosphorus (a Turkish place) near the Lilly campus. It was yum, yum, double yum and we had a most pleasant dining experience.

After dropping him off, I made the near-fatal error of calling my Cousin B.

I've mentioned Cousin B before. She's married, three kids, with Kid1 in college, Kid2 in high school and a parent of a 1 year old, and K3 in high school and working his way through deliquency at a rapid pace.

You might imagine given the circumstances, Cousin B thinks Kid1 is a brainiac and the best thing ever since he is in college. You Could Not Be More Wrong If You Tried.

Kid1 is in his second year at Ivy Tech up in Valpo. In year one of his college, he manages to fail a class because 'his teacher lost his final.' Mind you, he didn't bother fighting it, arguing it, or even contacting the Dean of Academic Affairs, he just shrugged in his typical manner, bitched about it to his mother (Cousin B) and decided to retake the class. Now you know me well enough to know that I'd have torn the school apart brick by brick before I'd retake a class for which I had completed all the work and up to that point, had passed. But no, not Kid1. He just accepts it.
(I, personally, believe he failed the class fair and square but did not want to admit that to his mother. He also conveniently lost his ability to go online to the campus system about that same time, thus furthering my estimation that he is blowing a whole lot of smoke over the grade but I digress.)

Now it is fall 2008, the third semester of Kid1's existence at Ivy Tech. This time, he fails an English class. Why? Apparently one zero on his grades. And he apparently owes money to the school and cannot register for Spring 2009 classes until he pays up. And he cannot be admitted to 'a real college' (my cousin's words, not mine) until he passes these pre-college classes. Then she says he got a zero on an English assignment where he wrote five paragraphs instead of the one that was asked for. So she calls me and rants and raves on my voicemail on how rough Kid1 has it.

I call her back and unload on her. I tell her it is Kid1's fault that he did not pursue the grade in the first class from Spring 2008 and that he did not bother to work up the food chain. I tell her that Ivy Tech has 5,000 students up there with 5,000 problems and they aren't putting Kid1's name on a list to solve his problems for him. I then tell her the reason why he probably has financial aid issues is because he didn't bother to fill out loan documentation for Fall 2008 and he's lucky to have his grades at all, seeing as we typically do not release grades to people who have not paid for classes. I then tell her that no other state college offers remedial (pre-college) classes anymore and that he will never be admitted to any other state institution until he proves he can pass the pre-college classes. I tell her that sure, he could go to a private college, but he will then pay 3x as much for the privilege of taking those pre-college classes and he'll be no closer to getting his degree anywhere else.

Then I tell her that if she wants to know the truth and whole truth, to bring her tax return with her tomorrow to show that he is a dependent and they (Ivy Tech) will tell her anything she wants to know. I also tell her that it is Kid1's problem and fault that he does not have access to the college email system and without access to the college email system he is probably missing out on a whole lot of things he ought to be doing, such as getting his loans in order. I also tell her all about Blackboard, our grade system, where she can compare his grades online to what she has in the folder in front of her. And then I finish by telling her I would have given him a zero on his English assignment too, because apparently he doesn't know how to follow instructions. I tell her about a syllabus and what it means and how it is the blueprint for the entire semester's worth of work. I then explain to her that this can be found on Campus Connect as well and then I tell her to bring everything she has with her tomorrow, as I'm sure it will be a long day.

Then she tells me that Kid1 had to wait 4! Hours! to see financial aid. I tell her that I'm sure he did and I'm also sure that he probably did not get there when it opened, that he got there at noon or one, which is why he waited so long to see someone. I explained to her that registration has been open on Spring 2009 classes since October, and if he wanted a certain section/class/location, he should have signed up then. There was no reason to wait until this week, it was just laziness on his part. I also told her that if she wanted him to see financial aid in less time, he needed to be there at 8 a.m. when the doors opened and to wait at that point instead of slackassing around until noon to show up, when there is already four hours worth of humanity in line for the people there.

It was then she tried to weasel something in about him needing scholarships and at that point I asked her what he had done to do that. She of course told me they had been to the library but hadn't found anything. I asked if he had talked to a financial aid counselor about that and she wasn't sure he had.

Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, Deliver Me.

It was then that I told her that I wished her luck, remember all the paperwork and ask lots of questions tomorrow.

I hope to God that she begins to realize just how much Kid1 has snowed her so far but I really doubt it. Sigh.