I made a boy shake.

No, sick bastards, not in a good way.

You see, despite my ongoing crankiness of last weekend, I had agreed to meet a boy, let's call him Brad, at the Moon Dog Tavern on Friday night at 8 p.m. I figure two things: one, it is a public place and two, after this week I am in need of beer.

So I get there and manage to secure a table. It is maybe 7:55 or so, I'm one of those habitually early people. I try not to be then I am earlier yet, but I digress.

So I am sitting there, ordered some water waiting for this guy. Figuring if he does not show up, I will just tip the waitress for her troubles and be on my way home to get a beer out of the fridge.

I'm sitting there a moment and he walks up. He looks significantly taller than his photo (he was probably 6'4") and the first thing he says to me is: You don't look anything like your photo. Now if you have seen my photo on Myspace, you'll know exactly what photo I shared with him. Truly, I look the same. My hair may be a touch longer and blonder (God Bless Evolution) but pretty much the same.

He sits down and I am trying to start a conversation. Meanwhile, he is shaking. Yes, people, shaking. Like leaf on tree on an exceptionally breezy day. Damn near working himself up into epileptic fit type shaking.

I ask him if he is alright, he says he is fine, just nervous. He is shaking, not speaking and gulping his beer. I try a few more times to get him to speak and finally I just ask him: "Are you married?" He stammers yes and no, turns out he is separated, his wife had an affair. TMI but it does explain the shaking. As for the piss poor conversational skills, I am thinking the wife left him just so she could hear more than yes and no and an affair seemed like a way to add the following to her vocabulary: more, baby, hot, fuck, etc.

So after nearly 30 minutes of trying to get him to hold a conversation, I dismiss him. Yes, you read that right, I dismiss him like a naughty kid in detention. I tell him that it is fine he isn't interested, it is fine if he wants to go home. I am okay with that. He says: "no, no" and I say: "No, just go. Go."

He offers to wait for me to pay the waitress for my beer but I insist: "go."

He walks out, leaving his cellphone on the table.

Now most of you know me well enough to know that the devil on my shoulder was saying to forget his damn phone on the table, it is his issue. However, I was feeling charitable towards this mute, shaking boy and I follow him out to the parking lot to give him his phone.

And that was all.

I know I can be intimidating but seriously. Pussy.