Semester One and Done.

Believe it or not, I am 25% through the coursework I need for my Ph.D.  Yes, just coursework, dear people, as following the end of that, I'm on my own, researching like a madwoman and attempting to make some new argument that will pass muster with my professors. 

So, probably 3.5 years until done.  Maybe a little less, hopefully no more.

I've learned a lot this first semester -- including the fact that my time is no longer my own.  My past jobs were all busy, lots to do, lots of work outside of 'working' hours but this ... THIS ... is another animal entirely. 

I have no free time.  Even while I sleep I am working.  Sounds silly, yes?  Well many many weeks of insomnia coupled with school-related dreams have convinced me that my brain does not shut off as I leave campus or even as I close my eyes.  I have been a perpetual ball of stress these past few months.  I'm not sure if my stomach will ever un-knot itself.  Just thinking of it makes me feel a little nauseated. 

For what?  I've wanted this degree for so long - thought of it, dreamed of it, wished to make it happen.  Now I'm living it and there are days I'm not so sure.  I know everyone goes through this at some point (hell, I've been through it in my working life plenty of times) and I know I just have to buckle down and get things done. 

So here I am.  Today I'm back on campus, just four short days after leaving it for the semester.  I returned today to learn about Blackboard, a web-based system that I'll use for my class this semester.  Yes, I'm teaching, in addition to taking three classes.  I don't know whether this is good or bad, but what I do know is that I'll be busy, no doubt about it.  I'll be on campus four days per week.  Monday - Thursday.  I'll stay up here one night a week (as otherwise the train + sleep + class schedules just don't mesh) and that makes me kinda sad -- but it's okay.  It's one semester.  I can do it.

I often feel like I'm reciting the train song in my head ... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

As for Hoosier Guy, well ... he's learned that my brain doesn't shut off, that I'm occasionally in a blind focus about certain topics and that he has displayed great kindness and patience towards me and my school schedule.  I'm glad we are together.  He has made this whole transition easier and I know that we will grow stronger because of this.

My family & my friends?  I'm not sure they know what to think other than it appears I'm busy a lot.  Which I am.

Life as I know it -- so different than I expected and still good.