Yeah, yeah, I'm alive.

Alive.

Teaching one class, attending three of my own.  I sleep, I eat, I travel by train, I attend class, I travel by train, ... repeat.

I continue to love where I live and whom I live with :)  I am a happy, lucky girl.

I'll blog more in mid-March or in May.  My life should be in better condition then. 

Love to all ...

Semester One and Done.

Believe it or not, I am 25% through the coursework I need for my Ph.D.  Yes, just coursework, dear people, as following the end of that, I'm on my own, researching like a madwoman and attempting to make some new argument that will pass muster with my professors. 

So, probably 3.5 years until done.  Maybe a little less, hopefully no more.

I've learned a lot this first semester -- including the fact that my time is no longer my own.  My past jobs were all busy, lots to do, lots of work outside of 'working' hours but this ... THIS ... is another animal entirely. 

I have no free time.  Even while I sleep I am working.  Sounds silly, yes?  Well many many weeks of insomnia coupled with school-related dreams have convinced me that my brain does not shut off as I leave campus or even as I close my eyes.  I have been a perpetual ball of stress these past few months.  I'm not sure if my stomach will ever un-knot itself.  Just thinking of it makes me feel a little nauseated. 

For what?  I've wanted this degree for so long - thought of it, dreamed of it, wished to make it happen.  Now I'm living it and there are days I'm not so sure.  I know everyone goes through this at some point (hell, I've been through it in my working life plenty of times) and I know I just have to buckle down and get things done. 

So here I am.  Today I'm back on campus, just four short days after leaving it for the semester.  I returned today to learn about Blackboard, a web-based system that I'll use for my class this semester.  Yes, I'm teaching, in addition to taking three classes.  I don't know whether this is good or bad, but what I do know is that I'll be busy, no doubt about it.  I'll be on campus four days per week.  Monday - Thursday.  I'll stay up here one night a week (as otherwise the train + sleep + class schedules just don't mesh) and that makes me kinda sad -- but it's okay.  It's one semester.  I can do it.

I often feel like I'm reciting the train song in my head ... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

As for Hoosier Guy, well ... he's learned that my brain doesn't shut off, that I'm occasionally in a blind focus about certain topics and that he has displayed great kindness and patience towards me and my school schedule.  I'm glad we are together.  He has made this whole transition easier and I know that we will grow stronger because of this.

My family & my friends?  I'm not sure they know what to think other than it appears I'm busy a lot.  Which I am.

Life as I know it -- so different than I expected and still good.

Ridiculous. Just Plain Ridiculous.

I've had a million thoughts in my head since the last post.  I mean, really, probably two million, at least.  I just haven't had the energy to post.  Not on Fridays, not on Tuesdays, not just whenever.

I'm reading something like 1000 pages a week (which, if you add it up, over the course of the semester I will have read at least 16,000 pages or roughly ~ 4,000,000 words.

So maybe I'm out of words here.  For now.  I hate that.

Life update:  I'm good, life is good, loving my existence.  I love the commute into Chicago now - probably because it is so very peaceful and relaxing.  Sure, it takes awhile, but all I have to do is: a) find a seat and b) give my ticket to the conductor.  This isn't rocket science people.

Life with the Hoosier Guy is fabulous.  Truly lovely.  I was nervous (of course) when we first started talking about it, scared to make that jump but even more scared not to.  Here we are, nearly two months in and I just feel like my life is damn near perfect.  I'm happy I made the move in with him.

Other than reading (which I do constantly), I go to class, work at my graduate assistant job, commute and sleep.  On occasion I do things with friends when we can all find a mutually agreeable time for fun.  This can be difficult but I am trying.

I head back to Florida in a few weeks with my Grandma.  She's moving there with my Dad and I want to make sure she arrives safely.  This should provide some fodder for the blog, fo' sure.

Dear readers, I miss blogging.  I hope to get back to a regular schedule soon.  Or maybe I just OD on blog posting when school is out for the semester.  Who knows?

Pardon me, do I look older?

Working at and for a college has many perks but possibly the best perk are the students.  Students?  Why yes -- it is endlessly fascinating to see them grow and learn, not to mention the conversations overheard in any one walk down the sidewalk. 

I *might* be just a titch more hip because I work at a college. 

Today, though, was not that day.

I was walking to a meeting when I happen to overhear a conversation between a couple of students.  One is telling the other all about her mom's birthday party this past weekend.  Her mom's 36th birthday party. 

Dear readers, I turn 37 in two months. 

So tell me, are the gray hairs showing?  Miss Clairol, where are you????

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In other news, I have scheduled my visits for American University (DC), The George Washington University (DC) and University of Illinois -- Chicago to visit campuses and learn about their Ph.D. programs.  I will be submitting my applications in November  -- and my GRE is in two weeks.  Pray for me.

Overheard on Campus

Have you ever read the blogs "Overheard in ____?"  If not, check 'em out.  I'll wait.


Oh, goodie, you are back.

I was walking on campus today when I heard the following exchange between two young women about a young man they had met:

Girl 1: Yeah I want an LL Bean backpack, I heard they last forever.

Girl 2: Me too. 

Girl 2: So I met this guy the other day ... and he had a Buzz Lightyear backpack.

Girl 1: Uh huh (snorted incredulously)

Girl 2: And I was like, dude, you are a 25 year old man, what woman would date you with that backpack?

Girls 1 & 2: *snorting laughter*

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And so here is a rule for all you young men returning to campus.  No woman thinks you are cute wearing your Buzz Lightyear backpack.  Likely they think you: a) stole it from your much-younger brother, b) got it from your Mom in 3rd grade and can't bear to break her heart about not using it now, or c) are a pedophile and not to be trusted.    Please note: not one of these options say "date me now."

Pulling the Trigger.

I think in many ways, it is easier to give in to fear and uncertainty than confront the truth of the matter and take the unknown route.

Back in Indy, I bought my last house/condo because I was tired of paying rent and it seemed like the thing to do.  Looking back, I probably should have reviewed that decision a little closer, because as soon as it was purchased, I wondered what it would be like to live somewhere else.  That niggling little thought turned into a whole life relocation in June 2009 and that condo being sold in September 2009.

Since the condo sale, I've been thinking about buying a house here in FL.  I've thought long and hard about what it would mean to buy here and I have even put four offers on four houses.  The latest house offer was put out there right before I left for OR/WA.

While in OR/WA, I had some time to myself -- whether in the car traveling, the plane or even at Scully's house -- and a clear mind, free of work distractions, to really think about what it is that I want.

What I realized is this: my boss, whom I love dearly and would walk over red-hot coals for, won't be here in two years.  She will retire and shortly thereafter, the President of the college will retire as well.  The culture of a college is always in line with the temperment of the leadership -- and without her here, the unknowns are numerous. 

What I also realized is something more -- where I live now is a family or retirement oriented area.  Given that I am not married, have no children and am not as close to retirement as I'd like, the options for my social life, let alone dating, are severely limited. 

And then it was Scully, who asked me if I was still thinking of having kids someday -- and I replied that you had to have sex to have kids and that hadn't happened in a long time. 

All of these things together: my desire for a family, my desire for an active social life and my concern for the culture of ESC -- mean only one thing.

Don't buy the house.  Not here.  Not yet.

So I pulled the trigger this morning.  Told my Realtor to cancel the bid (I was one of many, the bank was deciding). 

No other major changes for at least twelve months.

Laughing Out Loud

A friend's blog today (Plays with Sirens) was incredibly amusing in his thoughts and one question he posed was whether you laugh out loud while you are alone.  Do you?  I do. 

Particularly when my friend's blog mentions how boobs taste like arm.

I am laughing again.  Out Loud.  By Myself.

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Today was a particularly difficult day for me.  I have this incredibly annoying habit of believing the best in people.  Typically this isn't a problem -- in fact, it has served me pretty well overall.

Today wasn't one of those days.  For the past two months, I've known about a grant that was due today.  Not a particularly large or hard grant, this one, but one that my boss (and her boss) recommended strongly that we apply.  No pressure there, nope.

My coworker, the main source of the grant's content, ignored my questions for the past few weeks.  Ignored my requests for information in person, via email and via phone message.  The only thing I had left was a severed horse head in her bed and although I'm typically not violent, this was a consideration.  This afternoon I blew a gasket.  I happened to see my boss in the restroom.  She asked how it was going.

Now I should say that my boss and I have a good working relationship.  We understand each other. I spill.  I tell her it won't get turned in today (the due date) because I can't make a milkshake if no one has even bought a cow let alone got it milked.  She laughed at me and asks me how she can help.  I tell her I need her to move things along. 

It was like magic.

And wa-la the coworker was at my door, asking to help me.  Inside of one hour, the grant was completed and on its way out into the ether.  Awesome. 

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Received the first estimate on my car today:  ~$1200. 

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Working on a job for Maestro. 
Seeing Luana tomorrow -- massages scheduled for 11 a.m. 
GRE scores should be in next week.
Beers out tomorrow night with Lu, Mary and Lee.

omg, just wrote Steve.  Oh friend, dear God, I wish you would be there.  I know you'll be there in spirit, but there is nothing I'd like more than one more of your big bear hugs and a closed car door -- just to make sure I'm safe.  Miss you.  So Much. 

Busy busy me.

Friends in town since Saturday ... the weekend has been a blur of beach time and food.  I have had a ball -- laughing and joking, just really enjoying my weekend throughly.

Tomorrow: more beach time.  This time up at Manasota Key.  Sharks' teeth hunting.  I freaking LOVE spring break. 

I'll fully post when I get a minute.

Education Chronicles ...

Seriously, each day I am here I am alternately astonished and underwhelmed at the nonsense that goes on in an average educational institution. There is never a dull moment.

For example, stealing things. Last semester we had a computer tower stolen off my floor ... we have open computer areas for students to use out in the halls and one night, a computer tower was stolen. The thief managed to carry down both the tower and the monitor (one of the nice flat-screen jobs) to the bottom of the stairwell. When security came around to check on things, they found the monitor still sitting under the stairs but no tower. Looking at my own computer tower, don't you think it would be a bit obvious if you walked out with a tower under your arm? Really. The reason why I say thief instead of thieves should be obvious ... if you had a buddy to help you out with the computer, you'd probably get it all at once, right? Right. No one was caught.

One of the professors on my hallway had his coat stolen out of his office when he stepped out. Mind you, this professor is not what I would call fashionable. At All. Nice guy, funny, interesting but fashionable? Not on his very best day. His coat was an average, normal, no big deal windbreaker-like thing. Certainly not high fashion. Stolen all the same. They managed to get his PDA in the theft, which ended up causing him hours of heartburn as he realized so much data was in the PDA that he, his wife and children could potentially suffer identity theft because of it. No, no one was ever caught.

Today I heard a story from some years back where another thief was intent on stealing a gumball machine (yes, a gumball machine) from the 4th floor of one of our buildings. On the way down the stairs (yes, stairs, not elevator), the gumball machine was apparently dropped. Picture glass, gumballs, change and gumball machine parts everywhere and you've pretty much got it. No idea who did it.

Lastly, the past couple weeks have been a bonanza of activity around here. A 27" TV was stolen (again, not small ... fairly obvious ... hello???) and now a projector. I wondered aloud why someone would steal a computer projector then I was told that it can apparently hook up to a television and provide a 'big screen' experience for football watching, playstation playing, etc. What do I know?

There are so many WTF moments that go on here week in and week out. It amazes me at times that we do as well as we do in educating our students when so much nonsense happens outside the classroom. As I was told in my first weeks on the job here, if you want to keep something, lock it up. Don't leave your office unlocked when you leave it. Keep your purse hidden.

It was just last semester that I was panhandled by an elementary school kid on one of our sidewalks. He thought it completely appropriate to walk up to me, a complete stranger, and ask me for $2 for bus fare. I just looked at him, quizzically and asked him again what he wanted. He repeated his request and then I offered to call his mom for him. You might imagine that was not at all his interest. He wanted my $2 for something or another, who knows what. I wonder if someone else gave it to him. I also wonder what he had witnessed in his life to have the balls to ask a complete stranger for money. He was maybe 7 years old, wearing the uniform of the neighborhood school.

Last year around Halloween time, we had a kid come to school in body armor as his Halloween costume. After a little incident known as Virginia Tech, we tend to be a little sensitive about body armor on the college campus. He was escorted off campus by security ...

Each week there are stories of panhandlers, homeless folks sleeping in student lounges, car break-ins and a number of other things. Typical life in an urban campus, IMHO. I don't get upset, don't get nervous but accept that I can't leave valuables out and I don't walk to my car alone after dark. That's the best I can do. No sense in getting uptight.

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The other day I was working on a grant meant to assist 'at-risk' students. We define at-risk students as those that are most likely to drop out of college without completing a degree. The risk factors are as follows: first generation college students, low-income, working thirty or more hours a week, single parent, undecided on an academic major or in need of one (or more) developmental course(s).

As I wrote down the risk factors I was thinking about my own early college days.

first generation college student check
low-income check
working 30+ hours/week check
single parent nope
undecided on an academic major check
developmental course nope

Four out of six? Yes, that was me.

When I asked the folks wanting the program why these folks needed additional help, I was met with 'oh they will drop out, have financial issues, won't finish college, too hard ... blah blah blah.'
Then I mentioned that I fit the criteria when I went to school and they said basically "yeah, right."

Was it yeah, right because my Mom was intent on me learning as much as possible from a young age? Was it yeah, right because I didn't "look the part" ... whatever that means? Or was it yeah, right because they honestly didn't want to believe that someone from these circumstances can succeed without direct intervention by a caseworker?

I must admit, I was aggravated. I finished college in four years. Finished my masters' in 2.5. Worked full time the whole time, as there was no other choice for me. I was paying for my education and desperately needed to keep the loans down as low as possible. Today I am still paying loans, and that is okay. That was my choice. But to say I could not have done it without a caseworker? Nah.

But to paint the lot of at-risk students with the broad brush of failure without intervention? Too much for me to bear.