Hello out there!
In two short weeks I will wrap up my first year of doctoral work. Yes. I can hardly believe it, speak it or even think it.
What I dreamed of in May 2010 at my dear friend Anna's house is now not only reality, but beyond all my wildest dreams and imagination.
A couple of things ...
yes, I'm alive
no, I still don't have free time yet
yes, I'm ready to be done for the year
no, I am not taking the summer off
yes, I'm writing a paper with one of my professors where I will be *lead* author. (so excited!)
no, I don't know how long it will take to churn out
yes, I'm hoping it will be published and I'll get some conference presentations out of it.
no, it's probably not a topic you'd find interesting
yes, I find it interesting (social security disability claims)
no, I haven't lost my mind, I do think it is interesting.
yes, you'll hear all about it. A million times probably.
Showing posts with label Update on my life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Update on my life. Show all posts
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Monday, April 11, 2011
Life, updated.
The last few weeks have been up and down, like a seemingly endless rollercoaster of madness. Work has been the cause of that (mostly) -- with endless infighting, 'he said, she said,' and even a side dose of governing board drama. Yes, Athena is tired, so tired, of wondering what today's news will bring on the work front. If today passes without a news truck, reporter or other public records request filed, it will be the first workday in many a week without such an event.
I also made a long-overdue decision to quit my alumnae association board post. I simply cannot give the time required and ultimately I think that position is set up to fail. I hope that the next person who takes it finds it more rewarding than I did, and not such a chore.
I'm still without word on graduate school. I contacted UIC last week for an update, and I will hear something in the next two weeks they tell me. I only hope it is good news.
Last week, Hoosier Guy and his two kiddos came down to southwest Florida for spring break. They had a nice little hotel nearby and spent their days exploring southwest Florida while I met them for dinner and evening activities each night. It was wonderful to hang out with them and get to know them more, together, as a family. They are great kids. Hoosier Guy is a good dad -- and he parents much like I would, iffen I had kids. We had lots of fun and it was sad to let them go on Saturday morning.
Sunday afternoon I visited with KC, her baby and husband -- just hanging out at her house and relaxing. I had lots of fun and enjoyed a lazy Sunday evening with friends.
I also made a long-overdue decision to quit my alumnae association board post. I simply cannot give the time required and ultimately I think that position is set up to fail. I hope that the next person who takes it finds it more rewarding than I did, and not such a chore.
I'm still without word on graduate school. I contacted UIC last week for an update, and I will hear something in the next two weeks they tell me. I only hope it is good news.
Last week, Hoosier Guy and his two kiddos came down to southwest Florida for spring break. They had a nice little hotel nearby and spent their days exploring southwest Florida while I met them for dinner and evening activities each night. It was wonderful to hang out with them and get to know them more, together, as a family. They are great kids. Hoosier Guy is a good dad -- and he parents much like I would, iffen I had kids. We had lots of fun and it was sad to let them go on Saturday morning.
Sunday afternoon I visited with KC, her baby and husband -- just hanging out at her house and relaxing. I had lots of fun and enjoyed a lazy Sunday evening with friends.
Monday, March 28, 2011
50% Down, 50% to Go
I suppose I'm ready to talk about this now. I wasn't on Friday. Or Saturday. Or Sunday for that matter. I just wasn't ready.
I've received two "ding" letters from the Ph.D. programs to which I've applied. Portland State University and Indiana University have both declined to accept me into their programs this fall.
This leaves: American University (DC) and University of Illinois -- Chicago.
I cried over PSU and IU. Cried. I hate crying -- I feel so weak, so stupid, so useless when I cry, but cry I did.
Big nasty sobs, followed by throwing myself upon my bed and lying there, staring at the ceiling, wondering "what if."
What If?
*I don't get into grad school for fall 2011
*I don't have my contract renewed at Edison for 2011-2012
*I am jobless as of July 1, 2011
*I am not meant to get my Ph.D.
All worst case scenarios, all torturing my happiness, my soul.
and then, out of the darkest depths of my psyche came: "So WHAT?"
So What ...
*If I don't get into grad school for fall 2011, there is always fall 2012.
*If I don't get my contract renewed at Edison, I could be happier elsewhere.
*If I am jobless as of July 1, I've always said I will find SOMETHING to do.
*If I am not meant to get my Ph.D. -- maybe there is something else out there for me.
**************************************
On Friday afternoon, I had a talk with my boss. She wanted to know how long I plan to stay. I told her I wasn't independently wealthy, that I needed to work as long as I could prior to entrance to grad school. She understood and asked for a timeline. So here it is.
If I am accepted to grad school, I want to work until August 15, 2011, to maximize my earning potential prior to return to school.
If I am not accepted to grad school, I want to renew my contract with Edison.
This is not to say I wish to stay in Southwest Florida, no. I don't want to be here, I'm not at home here. Given the economy, however, I do need to focus on staying where I have a job for as long as I can, all the while considering what is next.
I've received two "ding" letters from the Ph.D. programs to which I've applied. Portland State University and Indiana University have both declined to accept me into their programs this fall.
This leaves: American University (DC) and University of Illinois -- Chicago.
I cried over PSU and IU. Cried. I hate crying -- I feel so weak, so stupid, so useless when I cry, but cry I did.
Big nasty sobs, followed by throwing myself upon my bed and lying there, staring at the ceiling, wondering "what if."
What If?
*I don't get into grad school for fall 2011
*I don't have my contract renewed at Edison for 2011-2012
*I am jobless as of July 1, 2011
*I am not meant to get my Ph.D.
All worst case scenarios, all torturing my happiness, my soul.
and then, out of the darkest depths of my psyche came: "So WHAT?"
So What ...
*If I don't get into grad school for fall 2011, there is always fall 2012.
*If I don't get my contract renewed at Edison, I could be happier elsewhere.
*If I am jobless as of July 1, I've always said I will find SOMETHING to do.
*If I am not meant to get my Ph.D. -- maybe there is something else out there for me.
**************************************
On Friday afternoon, I had a talk with my boss. She wanted to know how long I plan to stay. I told her I wasn't independently wealthy, that I needed to work as long as I could prior to entrance to grad school. She understood and asked for a timeline. So here it is.
If I am accepted to grad school, I want to work until August 15, 2011, to maximize my earning potential prior to return to school.
If I am not accepted to grad school, I want to renew my contract with Edison.
This is not to say I wish to stay in Southwest Florida, no. I don't want to be here, I'm not at home here. Given the economy, however, I do need to focus on staying where I have a job for as long as I can, all the while considering what is next.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Relief, sweet relief.
A few weeks ago I had a crisis in my grad school application process: one of my "recommenders" dropped out. He was a former professor of mine in grad school and I took three of his classes, far more than any other professor I had at the time. In addition, it seemed that my grad school was in transition, with lots of comings/goings and retirements about that time, so he was the only logical choice.
And then he really didn't remember me, seeing as it has been 11 years since I've graced grad school with my presence. The problem with this? He said he would do the letters, then said he didn't remember me, well after my apps were in to the various grad schools.
At the last moment, I had to change him out and replace him with a former boss.
Then another crisis -- another recommender had work issues (which I knew were plentiful) and just finished the letters this weekend.
This roller-coaster ride of grad school admissions has had me up and down and loop-the-loop more times than I can count. It is relief, sweet sweet relief that now all the recommendations are in and I can just relax a bit, waiting for grad school notifications in a month. It is with sincerest hope that because of all these recommendation snafus my application was not relegated to the "no" pile, but that remains to be seen.
I just want to know where I am going.
Bloomington?
Chicago?
DC?
Portland?
Where .... indeed.
And then he really didn't remember me, seeing as it has been 11 years since I've graced grad school with my presence. The problem with this? He said he would do the letters, then said he didn't remember me, well after my apps were in to the various grad schools.
At the last moment, I had to change him out and replace him with a former boss.
Then another crisis -- another recommender had work issues (which I knew were plentiful) and just finished the letters this weekend.
This roller-coaster ride of grad school admissions has had me up and down and loop-the-loop more times than I can count. It is relief, sweet sweet relief that now all the recommendations are in and I can just relax a bit, waiting for grad school notifications in a month. It is with sincerest hope that because of all these recommendation snafus my application was not relegated to the "no" pile, but that remains to be seen.
I just want to know where I am going.
Bloomington?
Chicago?
DC?
Portland?
Where .... indeed.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Finals Week + Grant Due = Athena Loses Mind
I know it seems like I lose my mind a lot but truly, really, it isn't as often as it appears.
This week -- mega meltdown week.
I turned in my final for one of my classes -- but still have a group lab assignment and individual final due. Add in a pretty major grant due (65+ pages of narrative) and you begin to see where my brain turns itself inside OUT.
So -- all of this is to say: forgive me, dear readers. Yours truly will be utilizing all available brain matter on school and work this week. We'll go back to our regularly scheduled blogpostings shortly thereafter.
This week -- mega meltdown week.
I turned in my final for one of my classes -- but still have a group lab assignment and individual final due. Add in a pretty major grant due (65+ pages of narrative) and you begin to see where my brain turns itself inside OUT.
So -- all of this is to say: forgive me, dear readers. Yours truly will be utilizing all available brain matter on school and work this week. We'll go back to our regularly scheduled blogpostings shortly thereafter.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Updates ...
Update to my post from 10/19 -- no email this year. First time in five years. I hope that he has found happiness. A friend (thanks PM) sent me this on that day and I thought I'd share it.
"I read your blog this morning and want to respond with borrowed words from John O ‘Donohue (I think we are related thru some clan inbreeding):
Try as best you can, not to let
The wire brush of doubt
Scrape from your heart
All sense of yourself
And your hesitant light.
If you remain generous,
Time will come good;
And you will find your feet
Again on fresh pastures of promise,
Where the air will be kind
And blushed with beginning.
You better be trying your weird on. DC in less than 2 weeks!"
Yeah, PM, you made my day with that -- thanks friend. You rock. See ya in DC next week. I've done my part to prepare the city for our arrival :) Dubliner -- Be Warned!
***************************
The food at Farmer's Market was as good as I'd remembered. Their coconut cream pie rocks ... ate half yesterday and finished the rest for breakfast. Yeah, breakfast ... coconut is a fruit, right? cream is milk? crust is bread? see where I'm going with this ...
***************************
Working on a project for work (grant database) and essays for grad school. Add in a stats mid-term and you've got a pretty good handle on why I need to behave myself this week. *sigh*
***************************
Yesterday was a rough work day -- had to lock myself in my office to avoid displaying 'career limiting behaviors' -- probably a good move on my part. 6 months. 6. Freaking. Months.
"I read your blog this morning and want to respond with borrowed words from John O ‘Donohue (I think we are related thru some clan inbreeding):
Try as best you can, not to let
The wire brush of doubt
Scrape from your heart
All sense of yourself
And your hesitant light.
If you remain generous,
Time will come good;
And you will find your feet
Again on fresh pastures of promise,
Where the air will be kind
And blushed with beginning.
You better be trying your weird on. DC in less than 2 weeks!"
Yeah, PM, you made my day with that -- thanks friend. You rock. See ya in DC next week. I've done my part to prepare the city for our arrival :) Dubliner -- Be Warned!
***************************
The food at Farmer's Market was as good as I'd remembered. Their coconut cream pie rocks ... ate half yesterday and finished the rest for breakfast. Yeah, breakfast ... coconut is a fruit, right? cream is milk? crust is bread? see where I'm going with this ...
***************************
Working on a project for work (grant database) and essays for grad school. Add in a stats mid-term and you've got a pretty good handle on why I need to behave myself this week. *sigh*
***************************
Yesterday was a rough work day -- had to lock myself in my office to avoid displaying 'career limiting behaviors' -- probably a good move on my part. 6 months. 6. Freaking. Months.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Busy busy me.
Friends in town since Saturday ... the weekend has been a blur of beach time and food. I have had a ball -- laughing and joking, just really enjoying my weekend throughly.
Tomorrow: more beach time. This time up at Manasota Key. Sharks' teeth hunting. I freaking LOVE spring break.
I'll fully post when I get a minute.
Tomorrow: more beach time. This time up at Manasota Key. Sharks' teeth hunting. I freaking LOVE spring break.
I'll fully post when I get a minute.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Breathing in, breathing out
Just trying to get my life sorted appropriately. I have so many things going on and there are times I just feel like I'm running in a circle. I'm trying to focus -- set parameters and make progress.
One week from Friday I take my GRE.
Six weeks from now my taxes are due.
One week from now, my girlfriends will be in town.
And ... a couple of dates this week. Not sure what I'm gonna do about that yet.
One week from Friday I take my GRE.
Six weeks from now my taxes are due.
One week from now, my girlfriends will be in town.
And ... a couple of dates this week. Not sure what I'm gonna do about that yet.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christmas Eve
Sitting in Sister and Boy Wonder's quiet house, looking at the glow of the trees as I begin to nestle in for a few days.
The past few days have been a whirlwind, what with family and friend visits each day. I've been really blessed to spend quality visit time with all involved and have enjoyed seeing everyone so much. Some highlights of the trip have included seeing young Nathan walk so steadily and getting the sweetest little hug ever at the end of my visit there today. Just thinking of it brings tears to my eyes ... it was super sweet. Having Madison call me "Aunt Athena" today instead of "Layla" (her previous nickname for me) was lovely, and hearing her speech improved so much over a few months is just amazing.
Time with my cousin K and her four kiddos was wonderful as always. The oldest is 17 now, super tall, so handsome and seems to have a real plan for his life in place. He wants to be a teacher or work with computers -- while the 14 year olds are consumed by girls, working out and video games. The youngest, Miss E, is 8 going on 18, but so lovable and sweet. I hugged on her incessantly ... I miss her so much.
Sharkboy, ever the card, amused me by asking me last night if I was going to sleep with his mom and dad that night. He had noted that it was slick out (ice storm) and apparently thought I ought to stay the night. His question brought gales of laughter for all the right reasons and I must say I am still giggling about it today.
As for friends, I was able to see the Sharkfamily, the Electrician and Ark. All good visits, all just what I needed. Thanks Sharkfamily, for delicious pizza and beer. Long Live Cow and Cocoa Stout. I will find the Yuengling Black and Tan in Florida and have it ready for your arrival, Jay. Can't wait to see you in January.
I also spent some time with Grandma -- age 91 this year. Each time I see her I think she's littler and more frail, but she keeps plugging along. She's made of tough stuff, that one.
The nicest surprise I received though was a call from Mary and Lee's kiddos wishing me a Merry Christmas and telling me that they loved me. I miss you guys. Looking forward to seeing you all soon.
******************
I'm not sure what this all means for the new year. All these wonderful kids, all so important in my life. It makes that biological clock tick a little louder, a little stronger than I expected it to, that is for sure. Makes me rethink the whole "giving up on having kids" thing ... especially after this morning's discussion with Ark. So many things to think about ... and nothin' but my time to do it.
The past few days have been a whirlwind, what with family and friend visits each day. I've been really blessed to spend quality visit time with all involved and have enjoyed seeing everyone so much. Some highlights of the trip have included seeing young Nathan walk so steadily and getting the sweetest little hug ever at the end of my visit there today. Just thinking of it brings tears to my eyes ... it was super sweet. Having Madison call me "Aunt Athena" today instead of "Layla" (her previous nickname for me) was lovely, and hearing her speech improved so much over a few months is just amazing.
Time with my cousin K and her four kiddos was wonderful as always. The oldest is 17 now, super tall, so handsome and seems to have a real plan for his life in place. He wants to be a teacher or work with computers -- while the 14 year olds are consumed by girls, working out and video games. The youngest, Miss E, is 8 going on 18, but so lovable and sweet. I hugged on her incessantly ... I miss her so much.
Sharkboy, ever the card, amused me by asking me last night if I was going to sleep with his mom and dad that night. He had noted that it was slick out (ice storm) and apparently thought I ought to stay the night. His question brought gales of laughter for all the right reasons and I must say I am still giggling about it today.
As for friends, I was able to see the Sharkfamily, the Electrician and Ark. All good visits, all just what I needed. Thanks Sharkfamily, for delicious pizza and beer. Long Live Cow and Cocoa Stout. I will find the Yuengling Black and Tan in Florida and have it ready for your arrival, Jay. Can't wait to see you in January.
I also spent some time with Grandma -- age 91 this year. Each time I see her I think she's littler and more frail, but she keeps plugging along. She's made of tough stuff, that one.
The nicest surprise I received though was a call from Mary and Lee's kiddos wishing me a Merry Christmas and telling me that they loved me. I miss you guys. Looking forward to seeing you all soon.
******************
I'm not sure what this all means for the new year. All these wonderful kids, all so important in my life. It makes that biological clock tick a little louder, a little stronger than I expected it to, that is for sure. Makes me rethink the whole "giving up on having kids" thing ... especially after this morning's discussion with Ark. So many things to think about ... and nothin' but my time to do it.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Day 1, Christmas Break
Yes, it is official. I am on Christmas Break.
I've never, in all my years of working, taken two weeks off. Even in HS, I always worked during Christmas Break, so this will be the first Christmas Break I've had since, well, I'm thinking 9th grade or so? Seriously, can it be that long?
As I lie here in the bed, listening to Caesar snore (yes, my kitty snores), I'm thinking of all the things I'm thankful for this holiday season.
I'm thankful for these two weeks off, so I can visit friends and family without worry and concern about what I'm missing at work. The answer is: nothing. I am missing nothing at work. This is a slice of heaven.
I'm thankful for the funds I saved to go back home and enjoy myself. I'm not wealthy by any means but I have enough to go and enjoy my stay.
I'm thankful for my family and friends -- I'm so richly blessed with some of the coolest people around.
I'm thankful for the Christmas bonus I received from work. In these times of economic hardship, I'm thankful that my employer is frugal enough to ensure my holidays are blessed with this economic good fortune.
****************
This weekend was wonderful. It wasn't anything like I'd planned earlier in the week, when I still believed that Rugby and I would be spending the weekend together. It ended up better though ... because:
I was able to spend quality time with Mary, Lee and kiddos, not to mention Mary's parents.
I found the PERFECT patio furniture on clearance at Target and bought it, assembled it and napped on it with the kittens yesterday afternoon.
I finished quite a few errands, which was a huge relief.
I was able to give a four year old and nine year old huge BIG fun at the dollar store -- and enjoyed every minute of it.
I used my down comforter on the bed last night and was happy, cozy and warm ... with aforementioned snoring kittens surrounding me.
Life is good.
I've never, in all my years of working, taken two weeks off. Even in HS, I always worked during Christmas Break, so this will be the first Christmas Break I've had since, well, I'm thinking 9th grade or so? Seriously, can it be that long?
As I lie here in the bed, listening to Caesar snore (yes, my kitty snores), I'm thinking of all the things I'm thankful for this holiday season.
I'm thankful for these two weeks off, so I can visit friends and family without worry and concern about what I'm missing at work. The answer is: nothing. I am missing nothing at work. This is a slice of heaven.
I'm thankful for the funds I saved to go back home and enjoy myself. I'm not wealthy by any means but I have enough to go and enjoy my stay.
I'm thankful for my family and friends -- I'm so richly blessed with some of the coolest people around.
I'm thankful for the Christmas bonus I received from work. In these times of economic hardship, I'm thankful that my employer is frugal enough to ensure my holidays are blessed with this economic good fortune.
****************
This weekend was wonderful. It wasn't anything like I'd planned earlier in the week, when I still believed that Rugby and I would be spending the weekend together. It ended up better though ... because:
I was able to spend quality time with Mary, Lee and kiddos, not to mention Mary's parents.
I found the PERFECT patio furniture on clearance at Target and bought it, assembled it and napped on it with the kittens yesterday afternoon.
I finished quite a few errands, which was a huge relief.
I was able to give a four year old and nine year old huge BIG fun at the dollar store -- and enjoyed every minute of it.
I used my down comforter on the bed last night and was happy, cozy and warm ... with aforementioned snoring kittens surrounding me.
Life is good.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sliding into December at Record Speeds
WTF happened to November? I mean, really? Aside from a trip to DC, family visits and five days spent in bed, praying for my own survival, the month was super-short.
Colts are 11-0. Happy Days.
Getting ready for Christmas, lots to wrap up and ship out. Need to get into my gift closet and get the stuff ready to get out of here.
Sister and Boy Wonder arrive next Thursday night. Gotta work on getting Friday the 11th off work for playtime.
Colts are 11-0. Happy Days.
Getting ready for Christmas, lots to wrap up and ship out. Need to get into my gift closet and get the stuff ready to get out of here.
Sister and Boy Wonder arrive next Thursday night. Gotta work on getting Friday the 11th off work for playtime.
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