"When I was young and naive and thought it had a purpose" -- Sister, on filling out 'self-evaluation' forms for HR.
Bwah ha ha ha ha
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Divorced.
There are times that this phrase hangs over my head like a guillotine. I patiently wait for the blade to fall and the pain to end, but ultimately, it hangs there. Waiting. For what? I don't know.
After being married to who I now know was the wrong person, I also know loneliness like I had no idea existed. Dark, soul-wrenching loneliness that makes your bones ache and your mind crawl into itself. The nights I'd lie awake, hours after going to bed with a "please come to bed soon," hearing his typing above me, him so lost in thought and work he'd forgotten me. And me so lost in grief I'd cry myself to sleep.
That isn't anything I miss.
I was watching the Dan Ho Show last night on FitTV (?) and he was helping a divorced dad reconnect with his daughter, fix up his house and get out there (i.e. start dating again). Watching the show was interesting in its own way and seeing another person struggle with life changes as I have. Dan revealed that he was divorced too, and he had a hard time not being a hermit as a result.
I have to say, if it weren't for my friends and family, I could have easily holed up and crawled into my ownself, avoiding all people. Divorce changed me in ways I have yet to comprehend and I don't know that I'll ever fully understand all of it. Before I was married, I was much more open to the idea of love and marriage, whereas now I get beyond 'like' and I feel myself seizing up, paranoid to go further, scared to comprehend what might happen 'next.'
It is far easier for me to just 'date' someone or have a short-term fling with them, knowing that nothing will come of it, than for me to delve into someone's life, learning of him, meeting his friends, neighbors, family. While I know this doesn't put me any closer to the end goal of marriage/kids someday, it does provide a kind of cold comfort on long nights when I contemplate my life as of late.
I can't say that I don't harbor hermit-like tendencies still, but I'm trying. Slowly.
After being married to who I now know was the wrong person, I also know loneliness like I had no idea existed. Dark, soul-wrenching loneliness that makes your bones ache and your mind crawl into itself. The nights I'd lie awake, hours after going to bed with a "please come to bed soon," hearing his typing above me, him so lost in thought and work he'd forgotten me. And me so lost in grief I'd cry myself to sleep.
That isn't anything I miss.
I was watching the Dan Ho Show last night on FitTV (?) and he was helping a divorced dad reconnect with his daughter, fix up his house and get out there (i.e. start dating again). Watching the show was interesting in its own way and seeing another person struggle with life changes as I have. Dan revealed that he was divorced too, and he had a hard time not being a hermit as a result.
I have to say, if it weren't for my friends and family, I could have easily holed up and crawled into my ownself, avoiding all people. Divorce changed me in ways I have yet to comprehend and I don't know that I'll ever fully understand all of it. Before I was married, I was much more open to the idea of love and marriage, whereas now I get beyond 'like' and I feel myself seizing up, paranoid to go further, scared to comprehend what might happen 'next.'
It is far easier for me to just 'date' someone or have a short-term fling with them, knowing that nothing will come of it, than for me to delve into someone's life, learning of him, meeting his friends, neighbors, family. While I know this doesn't put me any closer to the end goal of marriage/kids someday, it does provide a kind of cold comfort on long nights when I contemplate my life as of late.
I can't say that I don't harbor hermit-like tendencies still, but I'm trying. Slowly.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Random Nonsense About This Week
I will never ever ever travel without my GPS and my map again. Amen.
My feet were cold from Tuesday thru Thursday night. I thought I would have frostbite but I guess I am just lucky.
I am still tired from the trip.
I am glad that the Sharkfamily's Daisy is on the mend. Good Dog. Woof.
Seeing the Inauguration changed my life and I'm not sure I'll fully know in how many ways until much later.
Bar food after a long day in the cold is the most delicious thing ever.
I need to thin the herd on my 'things.'
I need to get organized for my accountant. God Bless That Man.
I feel renewed in spirit.
My feet were cold from Tuesday thru Thursday night. I thought I would have frostbite but I guess I am just lucky.
I am still tired from the trip.
I am glad that the Sharkfamily's Daisy is on the mend. Good Dog. Woof.
Seeing the Inauguration changed my life and I'm not sure I'll fully know in how many ways until much later.
Bar food after a long day in the cold is the most delicious thing ever.
I need to thin the herd on my 'things.'
I need to get organized for my accountant. God Bless That Man.
I feel renewed in spirit.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Inauguration Day!
Security, security everywhere!
One of the many security checkpoints for the parade. We were about 1,500 people back in line. The security checkpoint was manned by police, Army, Secret Service and Customs officials.
Waiting in line to get in, approximately 6:30 a.m. (the doors did not open until 8:00 a.m.) From L-R: Blanche, Mom, Mom's son, Athena, Maestro and FitnessNerd.
Athena at 6:30 a.m., enjoying hot tea and hoping not to freeze to death. I did not know from cold at this point.
Maestro and I aboard the Metro at 4:30 a.m.
Blanche and I showing off the latest in Inaugural Parade chic.
Snipers, snipers everywhere.
More snipers.
Two up here ... can you see them?
President Obama's limo (last window, rear, is him)
President Obama's lim (last window rear is him)
President Obama's limo (note the level of security)
The Press corps leading the president's limo.
More press corps ...
One of the many security checkpoints for the parade. We were about 1,500 people back in line. The security checkpoint was manned by police, Army, Secret Service and Customs officials.
Waiting in line to get in, approximately 6:30 a.m. (the doors did not open until 8:00 a.m.) From L-R: Blanche, Mom, Mom's son, Athena, Maestro and FitnessNerd. 
Athena at 6:30 a.m., enjoying hot tea and hoping not to freeze to death. I did not know from cold at this point.
Maestro and I aboard the Metro at 4:30 a.m.
Blanche and I showing off the latest in Inaugural Parade chic.
Snipers, snipers everywhere.
More snipers.
Two up here ... can you see them?
President Obama's limo (last window, rear, is him)
President Obama's lim (last window rear is him)
President Obama's limo (note the level of security)
The Press corps leading the president's limo.
More press corps ...
Today will be spent attending the parade. I've been up since 2:45 a.m. and we plan on leaving for the train at 4 a.m. The lines to get fare cards yesterday for the train were an hour or more wait, and we were fortunate that we purchased ours on Day 1. The trains were crowded yesterday, but not to the level of Sunday. Today the trains start running at 4 a.m. and stop running at 2 a.m. on Wednesday morning. We are planning to attend the parade, then do some other sightseeing if possible. The parade starts immediately following the inaugural (11:30 a.m. start time) and we have been told to choose one or the other to attend, as the National Park Service has determined that it will not be possible to see both. We are planning to be near the end of the parade route, near the White House and the Treasury building.
(the above was written at 3:30 a.m. on Inauguration Day)
(Written at 7:30 p.m. on Inauguration Day)
We leave tomorrow morning back to Indianapolis at 7:00 a.m. and I need to get some sleep. This morning started at 2:45 a.m. with my alarm. By 4:10 a.m. we were at the train station, and by 4:30 we were aboard a train to DC. The trains were packed this morning, even at 4:30 a.m. By the time we reached our destination along the parade route the cars were completely full and no one else could fit inside.
This was the last time I was warm all day -- until 6:00 p.m. After arriving in DC, we set out for one of the checkpoints along the parade route. The parade had ticketed and unticketed areas. There were only 5,000 tickets sold and we were unable to get those. Thus, we had to wait with the marjority of people in the unticketed lines. I would guesstimate we had maybe 1,500 people ahead of us in line and untold thousands behind us waiting to get in. The weather this morning was frigid and the pictures I send of me and us as a group tell that tale fairly well. The security to get in the parade route was intensive. First a bomb sniffing dog worked the line, then we were herded single file into three rows into a fairly large tent. The tent had Army soldiers, Secret Service, Police, Customs and other law enforcement who patted down each person coming into the parade area. As you might imagine, this was a time-consuming process, but it was efficient.
We found a spot on Pennsylvania Avenue, just across the street from the White House. We were located just in front of the Williard Hotel and just across from the Commerce Dept. Bldg. In the bottom floor of the Commerce Bldg is the White House Visitors Center. As you might imagine, security was tight all around us. From the double permimeter around the parade route of gates to a police officer every 5 feet or so along the route to yet another row of Army soldiers behind the police and right next to the parade route, the area was secure. In addition to that, there were snipers on every building. There were many more in the area and I'm sure there were more that I did not notice.
"Parade-chic" wear was nowhere in attendance. It was in the low 30s/high 20s and we arrived at the parade route at 5:45 a.m. for a 2:30 p.m. start time. As you are probably aware by now, the parade was delayed due to Sen. Kennedy's collapse at the post-inaugural luncheon. The parade did not actually start until around 4 p.m. By this time we had been out in the cold for 10.5 hours.
Finally, finally, the big moment arrived. We had been told that it was likely the President would walk from our location to his viewing stands. Obviously, for security reasons, it is not announced when, where or if he will walk in the parade. Unfortunately, he was in his car as he passed us. Apparently as he turned the corner onto 15th St., he got out of the car and began walking.
Some observations about his motorcade:
1. He is led in by the D.C. Chief of Police, a motorcycle brigade and numerous police cars. His limo is just behind three different press vehicles, most of which look like farm vehicles to be honest. Think farm truck with a large bed and you have the idea (see photos). Then his limo appears and it is followed closely by more Secret Service, police and other guards.
2. He appeared happy and smiled and waved to the crowd from his limo. I have enclosed a few pictures of him. Perhaps with enlargement they will come out better. Not the best pictures but honestly, his limo windows were very dark. Following our sighting of President Obama, we left for Vienna. It had been a long day and we had not been able to eat since 5:30 a.m. breakfast. The food selection within the gated area was limited to hot and cold beverages and some cold sandwiches. After standing out in the cold since 5:30 a.m., it was hard to imagine eating anything cold.
Following the parade (with only Blanche and I staying for the whole shindig), we went back to the local pub in Vienna and had beer, coffee and sandwiches. It was the best meal ever and I am sure I know why -- we were cold and starving and would have eaten cardboard if it was offered to us.
MLK, Jr. Day
A protest on Dupont Circle ...
Another protest on Dupont Circle, this one was detailed in The Huffington Post. People threw shoes at an inflatable George W. Bush.
Protesters across from the White House on Monday.
Jamie Lee Curtis at Political Americana.
Gitmo protest in front of the White House.
Press box across from the Presidential Viewing Stands.
The Presidential Viewing Stands.
A protester in front of the White House.
Jamie Lee Curtis at Political Americana.
Gitmo protest in front of the White House.
Press box across from the Presidential Viewing Stands.
The Presidential Viewing Stands.
A protester in front of the White House.
On Monday we all traveled separately, each attending to our list of 'must-sees' while here in Washington. I wanted to see the White House again, see where the Blair House was located and generally take in the mood of the crowd. Upon arrival in McPherson station (Metro, Orange/Blue Line), Blanche and I bid the others goodbye, as FitnessNerd, Mom and Maestro were headed to the zoo. Blanche has never been to Washington before, so his list of must-sees was long and intensive. I joined him as we walked around the White House grounds, which which had heavily limited access for security reasons. We did spy the Blair House and I've enclosed a picture of this. It is right across the street from the White House and I can see why visiting dignitaries/future heads of state stay there. We wound through the gardens then back out on Pennsylvania Avenue. This is where we were greeted with what became the theme of the day: protesters. Every cause imaginable was represented yesterday, from closing Gitmo to abortion rights to no abortion to impeaching the sitting president.
We did manage to walk up Pennsylvania a little bit, getting in close enough for a picture of the Presidential Viewing Stands, where President-elect Obama will sit to watch the parade. I have enclosed a picture of this, as well as a picture of the press box that sits directly across from the Presidential Viewing Stands. After this we split up, and he went to the Newseum, while I wandered the parade route and local shops. More on the protesters ... it seemed they were everywhere yesterday. I couldn't walk more than a few feet without seeing a new protest. It was interesting, the mix of vendors with protesters, each passionate about their cause, whether it be selling buttons, t-shirts, flags or scarves or the conditions at Gitmo. The most fascinating protest so far that I've seen was one in Dupont Circle. There was a large, blow-up of George W. Bush and protesters/the crowd was invited to throw shoes at him, a la his last press conference in Iraq.
My one celebrity sighting so far has been Jamie Lee Curtis. I was in a shop called Politically Americana across from the Treasury building and White House when I was told that Jamie Lee Curtis was at the front of the store checking out.
The weather here has been what you'd expect, cold. It has been in the 30s here and dressing in layers isn't just an option, it is optional. I'm wearing a minimum of two layers at all times and sometimes three. I've been cold most days (as most hours of the day have been spent outside) but not miserably cold. When it becomes unbearable I step into a coffee shop or other restaurant and get something to warm me up.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Pictures from DC
Athena on the wall outside the Library of Congress.
View of the Lincoln Memorial from the edge of the secured area for the concert on Sunday, January 18.
FitnessNerd, Blanche, Maestro and me in front of the Washington Monument with our backs to the Lincoln Memorial.
FitnessNerd and Blanche in front of the Jumbotrons on the Mall.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Day 1 to DC: Ohio is too big
On Saturday morning, I woke up at 5:15, got in the shower, got ready, put stuff in the car and suddenly realized: I've not been up this early in I-don't-know-when.
It was then I knew the only thing that would resolve this problem: coffee.
A quick trip to Starbucks for refreshments and I was off. First stop, picking up Blanche and then to FitnessNerd's house to pick him up for the drive to the airport. Our trip would include a car rental, a mini-van specifically, and all the way there I hoped and prayed that all of our luggage would fit.
A veteran of many a road trip, I've found that sometimes the hardest part of a trip isn't the trials and tribulations of the trip -- it is the packing of the car with hopes that everything fits. This trip was no exception -- five adults, one child and luggage for 25.
To add to the madness, we needed to pack air mattresses, pillows and blankets because we are staying at Mom's brother's house in Virginia. While the house is plenty big to house us all (total count: 7 adults, 2 kids, 1 dog), sleeping arrangements were limited. Thus, the need for extra bedding and even tighter quarters in the van made for interesting packing arrangements.
Now is the time where I espouse the virtues of our van. While I've never owned a van, I've ridden in plenty over my years. This van is spectacular. It is a 2008 Chrysler Town and Country with stow and go seating. The stow and go saved the day -- all pillows and bedding fit neatly inside and then there was plenty of room for the other luggage throughout the car.
The trip started out with three stops in three hours. After that, the drivers (FitnessNerd and I) made a rule that there were no stops until food and/or gas was needed, with bathroom breaks as absolutely necessary. It was then we started to make decent time.
After being in Ohio for what seemed like three days, we finally crossed into Wheeling, West Virginia. FitnessNerd and I were trading our driving back and forth every few hours and the roads had been clear and clean. Ohio had much more snow that Indy, but as we drove further and further into West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Maryland and Virginia, the snow diminished with each passing mile. The only thing that changed: the scenery.
The Appalachians were rising before us and it was then that FitnessNerd told me he did not like driving in mountains. He wanted to ride the brakes all the way down the mountains and I had to encourage him to only use them sparingly -- as I did not want our trip to end in a fiery heap at the base of a mountain. I took over at this point and drove us into Virginia.
Two highlights of this journey -- seeing the Appalachian Trail and Cumberland Gap. As a student of American history, the Cumberland Gap was always defined as the gateway to the west. Driving through, on perfectly maintained interstate roads through this area I could not help but wonder how thousands of early Americans drove wagons, cattle and horses through this area to venture 'west' and to parts unknown. It was then I decided I would have made my fortune by setting up shop in this area and would have been content not to travel any further.
The Appalachian Trail was another highlight. I've had friends and relatives travel all or part of the AT but to see it myself, even a small portion, was moving in a way I hadn't ever considered. Looking over the terrain around me, it was then I realized what a feat this was and understood the pull of the trail.
We arrived last night in Vienna, VA around 8:30. We had stopped for lunch, stopped for dinner, and a million small stops in between. After unpacking the van, the five of us (Maestro, Blanche, FitnessNerd, Mom and I) headed to a local sports bar, Glory Days, for a celebratory beverage and appetizers. After toasting to our successful journey and eating better-than-average bar food, we ended the day back at Mom's brother and sister-in-law's house, asleep by 11.
It was then I knew the only thing that would resolve this problem: coffee.
A quick trip to Starbucks for refreshments and I was off. First stop, picking up Blanche and then to FitnessNerd's house to pick him up for the drive to the airport. Our trip would include a car rental, a mini-van specifically, and all the way there I hoped and prayed that all of our luggage would fit.
A veteran of many a road trip, I've found that sometimes the hardest part of a trip isn't the trials and tribulations of the trip -- it is the packing of the car with hopes that everything fits. This trip was no exception -- five adults, one child and luggage for 25.
To add to the madness, we needed to pack air mattresses, pillows and blankets because we are staying at Mom's brother's house in Virginia. While the house is plenty big to house us all (total count: 7 adults, 2 kids, 1 dog), sleeping arrangements were limited. Thus, the need for extra bedding and even tighter quarters in the van made for interesting packing arrangements.
Now is the time where I espouse the virtues of our van. While I've never owned a van, I've ridden in plenty over my years. This van is spectacular. It is a 2008 Chrysler Town and Country with stow and go seating. The stow and go saved the day -- all pillows and bedding fit neatly inside and then there was plenty of room for the other luggage throughout the car.
The trip started out with three stops in three hours. After that, the drivers (FitnessNerd and I) made a rule that there were no stops until food and/or gas was needed, with bathroom breaks as absolutely necessary. It was then we started to make decent time.
After being in Ohio for what seemed like three days, we finally crossed into Wheeling, West Virginia. FitnessNerd and I were trading our driving back and forth every few hours and the roads had been clear and clean. Ohio had much more snow that Indy, but as we drove further and further into West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Maryland and Virginia, the snow diminished with each passing mile. The only thing that changed: the scenery.
The Appalachians were rising before us and it was then that FitnessNerd told me he did not like driving in mountains. He wanted to ride the brakes all the way down the mountains and I had to encourage him to only use them sparingly -- as I did not want our trip to end in a fiery heap at the base of a mountain. I took over at this point and drove us into Virginia.
Two highlights of this journey -- seeing the Appalachian Trail and Cumberland Gap. As a student of American history, the Cumberland Gap was always defined as the gateway to the west. Driving through, on perfectly maintained interstate roads through this area I could not help but wonder how thousands of early Americans drove wagons, cattle and horses through this area to venture 'west' and to parts unknown. It was then I decided I would have made my fortune by setting up shop in this area and would have been content not to travel any further.
The Appalachian Trail was another highlight. I've had friends and relatives travel all or part of the AT but to see it myself, even a small portion, was moving in a way I hadn't ever considered. Looking over the terrain around me, it was then I realized what a feat this was and understood the pull of the trail.
We arrived last night in Vienna, VA around 8:30. We had stopped for lunch, stopped for dinner, and a million small stops in between. After unpacking the van, the five of us (Maestro, Blanche, FitnessNerd, Mom and I) headed to a local sports bar, Glory Days, for a celebratory beverage and appetizers. After toasting to our successful journey and eating better-than-average bar food, we ended the day back at Mom's brother and sister-in-law's house, asleep by 11.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Reasons Why I Live In Indy
1. Weather (no)
2. Scenery (no)
3. Employment (yes)
4. Friends (yes)
5. Family (yes)
Given that employment can change at a moment's notice, I'm here apparently for my friends and family. While I love all of you, -25 windchill and -12 degrees outside isn't exactly endearing me to this place today.
I've lived here nearly 15 years. I moved here post-Cottey, to finish up my bachelor's degree at Butler. After Butler, the economy was souring, so I headed to grad school at IUPUI. During grad school I got a job with the State and the rest, as they say, is history.
It is days like today, where I am wearing 3 layers at minimum, that I wonder what it is that keeps me here.
Apparently it is insanity.
2. Scenery (no)
3. Employment (yes)
4. Friends (yes)
5. Family (yes)
Given that employment can change at a moment's notice, I'm here apparently for my friends and family. While I love all of you, -25 windchill and -12 degrees outside isn't exactly endearing me to this place today.
I've lived here nearly 15 years. I moved here post-Cottey, to finish up my bachelor's degree at Butler. After Butler, the economy was souring, so I headed to grad school at IUPUI. During grad school I got a job with the State and the rest, as they say, is history.
It is days like today, where I am wearing 3 layers at minimum, that I wonder what it is that keeps me here.
Apparently it is insanity.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
DC Dreamin'
I'm headed to DC on Saturday (until Wednesday) with friends to see the spectacle that will be this inauguration. We have no tickets to anything, just witnessing the event and being part of history.
And until two days ago, I wasn't sure I could go.
(Yes I'm fessing up now)
You see, I had put in for time off some time ago, but the little paper I count on as my 'okay' hadn't come back yet. I was getting quite nervous. Okay, let's say VERY NERVOUS until Tuesday of this week when it magically arrived.
*whew*
So now that my main worry (I couldn't go) is off the table, I can concentrate on going. I need to get my bags in order tonight (two: one clothes/toiletries, one with camera/laptop) and laundry completed. I know that it will be cold there, so layers layers layers are the name of the game. I'll be posting pictures whenever I can and I hope you enjoy my journey as I will.
And until two days ago, I wasn't sure I could go.
(Yes I'm fessing up now)
You see, I had put in for time off some time ago, but the little paper I count on as my 'okay' hadn't come back yet. I was getting quite nervous. Okay, let's say VERY NERVOUS until Tuesday of this week when it magically arrived.
*whew*
So now that my main worry (I couldn't go) is off the table, I can concentrate on going. I need to get my bags in order tonight (two: one clothes/toiletries, one with camera/laptop) and laundry completed. I know that it will be cold there, so layers layers layers are the name of the game. I'll be posting pictures whenever I can and I hope you enjoy my journey as I will.
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