Final Blog Post of 2009

The end of the "uh-oh" decade is coming. About 8 hours from now, I'll be celebrating 2010 amongst friends.

Even with the heartache I've experienced this decade, I don't know that I'd do anything differently. With each moment I grow as a person and I have to say, I like who I am more today than I did ten years ago.

In 1999, as the clock rolled to 2000, I was standing in the gravel parking lot of my uncle's bar in Fish Lake, Indiana. The nervousness of that clock rolling over -- and perhaps the issues with computers -- made me wonder if the first few moments, if not longer, of Y2K would be in darkness. I remember watching fireworks in the air (my uncle had purchased quite a few for the party) and kissing my cousin's brother-in-law, J. It wasn't a romantic kiss, it was a "hey, kissing someone at midnight is good luck and I find you attractive so what the hey" kiss. After our kiss, we both smiled, hugged each other and turned to watch the fireworks.

I never dreamed that this decade I'd lose that uncle to a senseless accident, or that I'd be married and divorced, or that I'd still not have a child. At 26, my options seemed endless and my time in grad school had just finished.

So now I look at 2010 and some of my options have limits.

I will be applying for graduate school at Florida International University for fall 2010, public administration Ph.D. It is located in Miami and will mean a revision to my work schedule, but I think it can be done.

I'm not sure if I will have children, but I hesitate to close that door yet.

I would like to get married again, to the right person. Hex was a good person, just not a good husband. This time I want both -- a good person and a good husband.

I've completely relocated my life to a different state, climate and atmosphere. I don't know what this means for my future, but I must say I love it here.

So here's to 2010 -- and a new decade. These last ten years have been hard for me -- here's to hoping the heavy lifting is lighter in the coming years.

May you, and yours, have a blessed new year. I'll be laying out my resolutions tomorrow -- I think I've finally settled on a few.