Internships for Drivers and Snow Plow Drivers

I know, I know, what I'm about to bring up is controversial. I admit this, I take responsibility yet it must be said.

Drivers and Snow Plow Drivers in Indianapolis need internships in driving.

These internships should be offered in the Rolling Prairie/New Carlisle* area of the state (where I grew up) and should take place for three months -- January, February and March, each year. Those that return to Indianapolis without totaling their car or causing an accident resulting in another's car being totaled will be granted a 'free pass' from us northerners on winter driving. Those that do not will be sent on subsequent internships until these driving skills can be developed. Oh, and plenty of pointing, laughing and petty snark until the internship is completed and passed.

The Course List will look something like this:

1. Driving on snow -- not the same as driving in sunshine and 80 degrees.
2. Braking randomly will not win you any friends.
3. Perfecting the 'slide' -- how to turn away from danger.
4. Driving like a stupid fuck only makes people want to see you crash.
5. When to stay home -- and when to drive.

I imagine there are other courses which would be suitable as well. Do you have any you'd like to add? What are they?

* = officially designated as the Snow Capitol of Indiana by the Indianapolis Star a few weeks ago.

Update to my burst blood vessel ...

Talked to Mom yesterday morning about Cousin B and Kid1 and the trials and tribulations of the college experience.

Apparently Kid1, after three semesters in college, did not know until Saturday what a syllabus is/was. Yes, let me repeat. Did. Not. Know. What. A. Syllabus. Is. After. Three. Semesters. In. College.

What
The
Fuck
?

Oh my, so much is explained now. So much makes sense despite the raging migraine in my head each and every time I think, for one moment, how anyone could spend three semesters in college without knowledge of what a syllabus is. It all makes sense.

Randomness

Bruce Springsteen remains hot.

Sting has a beard down his neck. He is quite attractive normally but the beard down his neck makes me think of a dread disease. Gak. Why do men screw up their looks with untrimmed, unmanaged facial hair?

I had some delicious Indian food today at Amber Indian. It is a buffet located at 126th and Meridian, on the SW corner of the intersection in an average stripmall. What isn't so average about this place? The fresh, intensely aromatic naan brought to your table after you indulge at the buffet. The garlic naan is sublime, with just the right notes of parsley, garlic, butter and fresh bread all combining into paradise. It is not just the naan that keeps me coming back, it is the overall freshness of the food, the attentiveness of the staff and the happy, happy smile on my face upon leaving yet another lunch, sated.

I have boatloads of laundry to put away. Hate that.

Went to see a house today with Sister. So beautiful, so well laid out.

The rollerderby was fun last night although the Tornado Sirens got their asses handed to them by a rather brutal group from Pittsburgh. Honestly, the Pittsburgh team had 40 lbs (easily) on each of our girls, plus they were rough. They displayed excellent team cohesiveness much to our sorrow.

Back to work tomorrow.

I think I burst a blood vessel in my head.

In many a blog post I've detailed my family. My Mom and Sister = relatively sane, the rest = questionable.

Tonight was an overall pleasant night, as I had dinner with Maestro at Bosphorus (a Turkish place) near the Lilly campus. It was yum, yum, double yum and we had a most pleasant dining experience.

After dropping him off, I made the near-fatal error of calling my Cousin B.

I've mentioned Cousin B before. She's married, three kids, with Kid1 in college, Kid2 in high school and a parent of a 1 year old, and K3 in high school and working his way through deliquency at a rapid pace.

You might imagine given the circumstances, Cousin B thinks Kid1 is a brainiac and the best thing ever since he is in college. You Could Not Be More Wrong If You Tried.

Kid1 is in his second year at Ivy Tech up in Valpo. In year one of his college, he manages to fail a class because 'his teacher lost his final.' Mind you, he didn't bother fighting it, arguing it, or even contacting the Dean of Academic Affairs, he just shrugged in his typical manner, bitched about it to his mother (Cousin B) and decided to retake the class. Now you know me well enough to know that I'd have torn the school apart brick by brick before I'd retake a class for which I had completed all the work and up to that point, had passed. But no, not Kid1. He just accepts it.
(I, personally, believe he failed the class fair and square but did not want to admit that to his mother. He also conveniently lost his ability to go online to the campus system about that same time, thus furthering my estimation that he is blowing a whole lot of smoke over the grade but I digress.)

Now it is fall 2008, the third semester of Kid1's existence at Ivy Tech. This time, he fails an English class. Why? Apparently one zero on his grades. And he apparently owes money to the school and cannot register for Spring 2009 classes until he pays up. And he cannot be admitted to 'a real college' (my cousin's words, not mine) until he passes these pre-college classes. Then she says he got a zero on an English assignment where he wrote five paragraphs instead of the one that was asked for. So she calls me and rants and raves on my voicemail on how rough Kid1 has it.

I call her back and unload on her. I tell her it is Kid1's fault that he did not pursue the grade in the first class from Spring 2008 and that he did not bother to work up the food chain. I tell her that Ivy Tech has 5,000 students up there with 5,000 problems and they aren't putting Kid1's name on a list to solve his problems for him. I then tell her the reason why he probably has financial aid issues is because he didn't bother to fill out loan documentation for Fall 2008 and he's lucky to have his grades at all, seeing as we typically do not release grades to people who have not paid for classes. I then tell her that no other state college offers remedial (pre-college) classes anymore and that he will never be admitted to any other state institution until he proves he can pass the pre-college classes. I tell her that sure, he could go to a private college, but he will then pay 3x as much for the privilege of taking those pre-college classes and he'll be no closer to getting his degree anywhere else.

Then I tell her that if she wants to know the truth and whole truth, to bring her tax return with her tomorrow to show that he is a dependent and they (Ivy Tech) will tell her anything she wants to know. I also tell her that it is Kid1's problem and fault that he does not have access to the college email system and without access to the college email system he is probably missing out on a whole lot of things he ought to be doing, such as getting his loans in order. I also tell her all about Blackboard, our grade system, where she can compare his grades online to what she has in the folder in front of her. And then I finish by telling her I would have given him a zero on his English assignment too, because apparently he doesn't know how to follow instructions. I tell her about a syllabus and what it means and how it is the blueprint for the entire semester's worth of work. I then explain to her that this can be found on Campus Connect as well and then I tell her to bring everything she has with her tomorrow, as I'm sure it will be a long day.

Then she tells me that Kid1 had to wait 4! Hours! to see financial aid. I tell her that I'm sure he did and I'm also sure that he probably did not get there when it opened, that he got there at noon or one, which is why he waited so long to see someone. I explained to her that registration has been open on Spring 2009 classes since October, and if he wanted a certain section/class/location, he should have signed up then. There was no reason to wait until this week, it was just laziness on his part. I also told her that if she wanted him to see financial aid in less time, he needed to be there at 8 a.m. when the doors opened and to wait at that point instead of slackassing around until noon to show up, when there is already four hours worth of humanity in line for the people there.

It was then she tried to weasel something in about him needing scholarships and at that point I asked her what he had done to do that. She of course told me they had been to the library but hadn't found anything. I asked if he had talked to a financial aid counselor about that and she wasn't sure he had.

Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, Deliver Me.

It was then that I told her that I wished her luck, remember all the paperwork and ask lots of questions tomorrow.

I hope to God that she begins to realize just how much Kid1 has snowed her so far but I really doubt it. Sigh.

Oh yes, it is the Start of School

For those of the faint of heart or stomach, please read another post, this one isn't for you. Thanks.

Yes, boys and girls, gather 'round, it is the start of school again. As all good tales from school start, this one originates from the ladies' restroom at the end of my hallway.

Yesterday about 1ish, A1 comes in to inform me not to use the restroom at the end of the hall. The staff in this hall have an unwritten code that when the restroom is rendered 'unusable' due to stench, activity or calamity, we inform one another and we all proceed down to the second floor restroom until the 3rd floor one is safe to use.

Yesterday there was stench, there was calamity and there was activity all rolled up in one.

A1 was planning on using the restroom when she went to enter the 'big girl stall' (as we call the handicap-accessable stall). Alas, alack, it was quite a sight to behold.

One extremely large pair of women's red satin panties were on the floor.
The toliet was covered in either: a) vomit or b) feces (she did not inspect closely).
The floor surrounding said toliet also had a or b.

After exiting the restroom 'with a quickness,' she told all of us and then called maintenance. Again, we do not pay the maintenance/cleaning staff enough, ever.

Two hours later it was safe to enter.

Ah yes, what fun it is coming back to school.

The Guilt Card.

I have one grandparent left, my Dad's mom. She's 90, had six kids, wife of a coalminer, and has twenty grandkids (not counting spouses or the grandchildren's children or great-grandchildren's children).

Of the twenty grandkids, I'd say that my Sister and I live further away than all but 3 of them.

And of those twenty grandkids, my Sister and I make a point to visit her, unlike pretty much all the rest of them. Now I can say that one grandkid lives on the street next door, and he does mow her grass or plow her driveway. Another one comes over to get fed (never mind that he is probably 450 lbs if he's an ounce, it's not like he is starving, by any means) and to bring his children to get fed.

So, quick math here, 4 out of the twenty grandkids actually see her.

Over Christmas I did not make it to my Grandma's house. Yes, I should have, no I did not make time.

Yesterday a card comes in the mail. My Christmas card. It states: "This is late because you didn't stop by."

Never let it be said that a 90 year old doesn't know how to play the guilt card. She is a consummate professional at guilt.

It is times like these that I wonder just how many of my cousins got a card like this from her. Was it just my sister and I? Or did the remaining 18 get theirs too?

Sigh.

I am at work.

I'm trying to follow the principle of 'look good, feel good' but honestly, I could yack.

That is all for now.

I am alive!

Alive!

I have eaten two meals today and both meals stayed where they were supposed to! This is exceptional news!

I spent the day in bed, hoping to survive. I got up around 3 to eat something and the soup I had stayed down. Then later I had some pizza (I know, a big jump but I WAS STARVING), and that made me feel a little yuck but I think it was all that food at once. I now feel okay.

*******************

In side news, something is disturbing me and I feel that it is time to out my feelings. I called my Sister the other day over this very thing and made her promise, PROMISE not to succumb to the peer pressure, ever. No matter if someone else pushed her, to never succumb.

Any ideas?

I am sick and tired and even more sick and tired of every minivan and SUV on the Godforsaken Northside of Indianapolis being adorned with little stickers showing children and/or sports with each child's name.

I mean, seriously folks, do you truly believe anyone on earth, aside from your immediate family gives a raging shit that 'Susie' is a gymnast, 'Joe' is a soccer boy or 'Annalise' is a cheerleader? Seriously?

I find it interesting that in an age where we are so concerned with safety and the safety of our children that people willingly advertise their children's names and their sports. Don't you think (as I do) that this is a safety issue? Why not invite child molesters to follow your minivan home, I mean, hell, they already know what your kids are involved in and what their names are -- why not give them a house key too?

As I live on the northside, you might imagine I see these every day. Yes, I do. Every Damn Day I am behind a minivan, monster SUV or other oversized vehicle with these stupid stickers on them. I am beginning to think this is a sign of the apocalypse. Or perhaps just a sign of overwhelming stupidity.

As a related but not direct thing, I am also 'over' the whole 'In Memory Of' thing on the back of cars with people's names on them. I get that you miss your relative, friend, whathaveyou, but do the people driving these cars honestly believe they are honoring the memory of that person by putting a sticker on a car? A disposable item with a limited lifespan? Why not put that person's name on a gift to charity, a scholarship fund or perhaps a gift to a local park? WTF? Since WHEN is it honoring a person through a STICKER?

Let me say this now: if I kick off, if any of you, I mean ANY of you put my name on a sticker on the back of your car, I am haunting your ass. Yep, full-on poltergeist activity with door slamming, cover-pulling, cold-chill passing, the whole nine yards. It will not cease until the offending sticker is removed. If you feel so compelled to honor me, give to charity or give time to charity. Or just share a round of brewskis and have some laughs. Whatever. Just no fucking stickers, okay?

Home in Bed.

This is day 3 of the illness that will not die. I started feeling like crap on Sunday afternoon and had a migraine from hell (thank you, Imitrex, for bringing me back from the brink). Then on Monday I woke up feeling, well, yuck. My stomach felt 'uncertain' and that is the best way to describe it. I called into work and went back to bed. From 9 p.m. on Sunday night until 12:45 on Monday afternoon, I was essentially asleep. I was hungry then, so I made some soup, which stayed with me no longer than it took for me to eat it. At that point, I gave up and went back to bed.

This morning I got ready for work, still not feeling 100% but thinking I could muscle through it. I grabbed two slices of dry toast and gatorade and I was out the door. Within 20 minutes (and a 1/3 of the way to work), that was through my system so I gave up and went back home. Now I am in bed, watching Unsolved Mysteries and sipping (sipping!) gatorade.

I love Unsolved Mysteries. Yes, the old show with Robert Stack was one of my favorites and now it is brought back from the dead on Spike TV with a new host. Still the same hokey format but I love it.

Other than that, I've checked emails. And now I'm going to curl up and go back to sleep.

Colts Depression

I'm in a dark place today after watching my Colts completely dismantle themselves in San Diego last night. Not even Jason could console me, I was feeling wretched and irritable. I can't say I feel all that much better today but I am accepting of the fact that the Colts appear to be on their way to Atlanta Braves status -- good enough to get to the playoffs, not good enough to come out a champion. Sigh.

Happy birthday to the Sharkmom/wife of the Sharkfamily. Hope you are enjoying your day. Drink lots of lovely things!

I'm addicted to Facebook. I believe I will need an intervention at some point but not just yet.

Ive been doing laundry all day. And napping. And making myself breakfast and lunch. Big day, me.

Not much else happening here. I need to hop on the Wii/Wii Fit before bed tonight. I've eaten enough fruit and veggies today. I've not eaten anything from a fast food place. I am doing really well at not eating garbage food and getting enough fruit and veggies. I fell off the Wii/Wii Fit thing one day.

Damn Colts. Pffffffffffffffffffffffft.